Tiny Bits While Tiny Boy Is Sleeping

I know I say this all the time but Owen changes from day to day. Not just in his looks but in the things he does. He is sleeping with his arms over his head today, which I've never seen before. Lily says his daddy does that too. DNA is a powerful thing, isn't it?

And he's started to notice the dogs. Up until now, he's just sort of ignored them, even when they tried to lick his face. But now, they catch his attention and he studies them.
Here he is looking at Pearl. It's not a great picture but you can tell what it is.


I swear. It's almost as hard to take pictures of babies and dogs as it is chickens. They all move too fast.

All right. Moving on to stuff that has nothing to do with Owen:

I think I've probably lost most of my porch plants and it's only going to get colder. This hurts my heart. Those plants are like babies to me. I mean, not entirely. I thought I'd scratched Owen's face with my ring today (shit- I said this wasn't going to be about Owen and I've lied again) and I almost called his mother and confessed. The mark is gone now so I guess it wasn't so bad. But I wouldn't have called anyone in the world if I'd scratched a porch plant. Wouldn't have thought of it. But I have had some of those plants for decades.
Sigh.

I've said this before but it bears repeating: Why has the menu ALWAYS changed? WHY? "Please listen carefully as our menu has changed." Bite me. Since when? Since yesterday? Last year? Why do you keep changing the menu? It's not like your options are seasonal like different greens or fruits.

Even though it's a play, I still feel incredibly discombobulated to find myself lying under Colin when we're rehearsing. It's amusing and funny but it's still strange.
But I sort of like it. He makes me laugh so hard. This is going to be a very, very amusing play.
And I couldn't help it the other night. I squeezed his right chestular area. He announced to everyone: "She's playing with my breast here!" in his English accent, very indignantly.
And I probably shouldn't have done that and if he'd done it to me, it would have been highly inappropriate. But hell- there I was squashed up beneath him on a very small love seat. It seemed the thing to do.

Speaking of Colin, having an eye removed has done nothing to deter him from living his own amazing and unique life. He's taken on the role of Bud The Stud for this play and this week he's flying to Washington State (I think) to pick up and trailer back a kit to build an airplane. A real airplane. Not one of those lighter-than-air things. No. This one is bigger than the airplane he has now. With an engine and everything. And he's going to put it together in his hanger. I asked him if he was going to have help.
"Oh God no," he replied. "No one's as fastidious as I am."
He's right. The man makes a spread sheet for everything including his exercise and his line memorization. There is no one like Colin.

Why, when you're checking out at the grocery store, do they always ask you if you found everything you were looking for? If you answered "No, I did not," what would they do? Call the manager to report it?

Isn't it wonderful to get real things in the real mail? (Thanks Maggie May.)

Watching daytime TV is an alien experience for me but I must admit that when I'm giving Owen his bottle, I do it. I can see how easy it would be to get hooked on that thing. There's so much delicious nothingness going on. AND, today I saw a commercial for a product I MUST buy immediately- Kaboom! Foam. Oh yes. You should see the way that stuff cuts through soap scum, hard water stains and and calcium build-up! It was on TV. It must be true, right?

Why do they still sell Chia Pets? Do people still buy them? And what ARE they?

What's the deal with Detox Diets? If you want to detox, why don't you just buy some of that stuff you have to drink before you get a colonoscopy? That shit works in hours. Easy peasy. Save you tons of trouble.

And what's the deal with raw foods? Really? Fake bread you didn't cook? I mean, if you're going to eat raw food, why don't you just eat raw food? Why do you have to go through all that trouble to try and make raw food taste like cooked food? I don't get it. I. Do. Not. Get. It. And why do they have all these people spouting facts about foods and enzymes that just are not true? Take a damn chemistry class, people! How about microbiology? Try a course in that at a university. Then you can tell me that cooked food is dead and does nothing to nourish the body. Okay? Or maybe a physiology class. Yeah, take a physiology class and then we'll discuss the pounds of fecal matter lining your colon.
Oh wait- you read it in a book? Or online? Or in a magazine?
Yeah. Shut up.

Why is it a always an investment when Mr. Moon wants to buy something but it's never an investment when I want to buy something? I don't get that. Boats, cars- those are INVESTMENTS. Get it?
Lipstick, furniture, and new clothes are not.
Even jewelry, according to Mr. Moon, is not much of an investment.
Hmmm....

And why am I sitting here asking these silly questions and making silly pronouncements when I could be cleaning the bathrooms? Well. Because. I haven't bought my Kaboom! Foam yet. That's why. Sure. I have regular Kaboom! But it's not as good as Kaboom! Foam now, is it?
There you go.

And there you are. That's about where my intellect is today. Floating somewhere barely above the I'm-smarter-than-a-fruit-fly-level and far below the I'm-as-smart-as-a-fruit-bat-level.
And guess what?
Owen's here and I don't care.

Oh! Oh! One more thing! I saw it on TV! That movie? Crazy Heart with Jeff Bridges? Guess who else is in it?

ROBERT DUVALL!

Oh my God. This is going to be the best movie ever.

I'll think of more stuff later but for now, that's all I can remember that I wanted to talk about.
Have a good day, y'all. Stay warm and kiss a baby if you can. I highly recommend it and it works better for depression than anything I've discovered.
And I'll bet nine out of ten doctors would agree. On television. If you paid them. And here I am giving it out for free.

What?! Am I crazy?
You bet.

Love...Ms. Moon