Monday, January 18, 2021

Such Sadness


 Another beautiful day here and I decided to stay close to home for my walk, just take the sidewalk and see what was happening on Old Lloyd Road but as soon as I walked out of my driveway I saw my Trump-signs neighbor standing across the road and thought, "Oh, shit."
As neighbors in the purely neighborly sense, she and her husband are fine. I know they'd help us if we needed them and they know the same about us. 
But. 
Knowing that someone has voted for Trump twice, knowing that they have kept his signs in their yard for five years, and knowing exactly what that means as to their beliefs and world-view is different than just knowing that someone is probably a Republican and doesn't have the same outlook or philosophy as I do. I mean, it's just different. Not to put too fine a point on it but Trump signs scream ignorance and racism to me and that's where we are in history.
I turned off the book I was listening to and took an ear pod out to say hello because I'm not a complete asshole and she said, "Hey! I'll let you pass before I cross. T and I have covid."
This is the woman who told my husband last year that the virus was basically a hoax and just you watch- it would disappear right after the election. And damn, I'm not a saint and there is that part of me which enjoys a bit of shadenfreude but I felt guilty for the quick thought I had about that because these people are not in good health and they have a rough life. The husband has leukemia, their daughter has a brain cancer. Their resources are quite limited. 
"I'm so sorry," I said. "Are you all right?" 
"We're okay," she said. "But it's hard to get rid of. T especially is having a bad time with it. I can hardly get him to eat. There's really nothing they can do. They gave him a nasal spray but that doesn't seem to be doing much."
"How long have you had it?" I asked. 
"Since Christmas."
Fuck. 
We talked a little more. She had heard a kitten and was investigating in the yard across the street from us. She loves animals. She's taken in everything from donkeys to a llama to goats to dogs since I've lived here. I don't know how many dogs they have. Jack used to eat over there when he was still half-wild until he decided that he wanted to make his home here with us. The dogs probably had something to do with that decision. She told me that she had no idea how they got the virus because they wore masks in Publix and Walmart (which are required so...) and then she said, "Biden's going to order a mask mandate which is stupid because we wore masks and got it anyway. They don't do any good."
Oh boy, I thought. Here I go.
And I did. All of this conversation was basically being yelled as we were at least twenty feet apart and cars kept passing between us. That did not help the tone of the conversation. But I'll admit, I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream at her. I took my walking stick and pointed it to one of the Trump signs in her yard and said, "Masks DO work and if Trump had encouraged people to wear them we wouldn't be in the mess we're in right now." She didn't flat-out deny that but she said, "Thank God he did Operation Warp Speed. At least we have a vaccine now."
"Trump didn't have a damn thing to do with that," I said. "Scientists from all over the world worked on that vaccine but he's taking credit for it. After he got bored with the pandemic, he completely ignored it."
More things were said. Everything that came out of her mouth was like a Fox News blip. I finally said, "Look, you and I are just going to have to disagree on this," and she said, "Well, at least we live in a country where everyone can believe what they want to."
I paused for a moment. I knew, I KNEW I need to just walk on. But it's like all of the anger I've stored up since November 2016 was screaming to be let out. And I said, "Believe it or not, there are countries all over this world where you can believe whatever you want." 
"Well, it's not like China where they kill people."
I mean...holy fuck. 
"Yeah, but you have places like Sweden and Norway too," I said. "Have you ever been to another country?"
"No," she said, "And I don't want to."
Well. There you go. 
"I went to Europe when I was eighteen," I said. "And what I learned is that although I'd been told that America is the greatest country in the world my entire life, I found out that isn't even close to the truth."
It was about this time that she pulled the god card and said that if god wanted her and her husband to have covid then so be it and I told her that I did not believe that god pointed down at them and said, "I want C and T to have covid!"
"It doesn't work that way," I said. "It's just living on earth. We get sick."
And then she said that when we're born our days are numbered and I told her that was the most obvious thing on earth and she claimed that she hasn't died from the MS that she's had for years because it's not her time and so forth. She went on to the election and how all of the networks except for Fox News just kept going on and on about finding things wrong with Trump and I told her that you didn't have to look to find things wrong with Trump and I finally asked her, "What is it about him that you like?"
Another pause and then she said, "Well, under him it's the lowest unemployment ever, especially for Black people so they have jobs now so they're not just taking, taking, taking." As she said this, she extended her arms out, palms down and made raking motions with her hands. 

Well. That did it for me.
"We're not having this conversation," I said. "If y'all need anything, let us know." And I walked/stalked off down the sidewalk not feeling great about any of that and of course still angry and then I got sad and felt more despair than ever because it had been a very clear example of how so many people think and what they believe and it's just depressing as hell. 

When I got home and told Mr. Moon all about it he said, "So are they going to come over and kill us?" I think he was joking.
"They don't have the energy to kill us," I said. 

And all day I've felt sort of dead inside like the human race is doomed and also that when she went low, I did not go high, but it would take a better human than I am to not have gone where I went. I simply should not have engaged her to begin with. I should have offered her help if she needed it and then gone on my way. 
I am not proud of myself. 

One more day until that evil cancer is out of the White House. He's infected more lives with his lies and his normalization of racism and every other sort of selfish and horrid behavior than anyone could ever have imagined. Even those who knew that it was going to be horrible when he got elected could not have foreseen all of this. I suppose I had a little more belief in humanity than humanity deserved. And I don't like knowing that my own humanity is not what I would wish it was. 

Love...Ms. Moon





46 comments:

  1. I get into convo’s on Facebook over and over, hearing the same blah blah blah. I have learned that Trumplicans are really good at posting the same memes over and over. Saturday I decided that they’re not worth arguing with, and I’m sad about that. Humpty Trump has divided this country in ways that we’ll never be able to repair, and I’m worried that his terrorist followers will continue the violence. It was their plan all along, but once they got Presidential direction they went crazy. I will cry when I see the President and Vice President sworn in, and yes, I will pray for peace. As for your neighbors, they are the epitome of the problem.

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    1. It saddens me so much that so many people have willingly blinded themselves to the truth and are marching down this crazy path.
      I am going to focus on tomorrow.
      Let there be peace, indeed.

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  2. I hear ya Mary love Maggi xxx

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  3. Your Neighbor seems very typical of every tRump Devotee I've ever heard pontificating about why they have such devotion... in a nutshell, they're more like him than many of them even realize, which is just tragic and there's no going high when someone is that low. You handled it well, I quit engaging with any of his Cult because it's absolutely futile... you can't reason someone out of something that took no reason to get into.

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    1. You're right. As I've been saying from the beginning- there is no logic to it.

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  4. Darling Mary, I love you so. You tried. But I fear it was a lost cause. I agree. It is ineffably sad.

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    1. I love you so too. And tomorrow will be a day to let the sadness go for a little while.

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  5. It is sad. You have more patience than I would at this point. My ex and his RN-who-works-in-homecare-for-the-elderly (WTF) wife believe the virus is a hoax and that my worry is exaggerated. Three of my mother's remaining siblings who have cut me out of their lives (and vice versa) because of their devotion to Q-Anon and Trump have had COVID and been hospitalized and still, STILL think we just need to hurry up and open up the world. I've lost a friend in her 40s, I have other friends in their 40s, super cautious and vigilant, who have it and are suffering greatly. What a country we're in.

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    1. And when you say "country" I feel as if we are so absolutely divided in so many ways that we can only use the word in the geographical-boundary sense.

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  6. And I think how happy I am my dear brother passed on in 2014, with his much disliked Obama in office. He, like my bil, would have adored Trump. My bil could not bring himself to vote for Trump last November. Finally! I will never have to know what my brother would have done. And so I think better of him, for the otherwise good man he was.

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  7. I work in a very small health food/antique store. (I know..) One of our customers is a true trumper. We’ve tried to have conversations about simple politics but it’s never worked. I finally had to stop having any kind of conversation except to answer direct questions and bid him a good day. I wanted to rip his head off but that would have been rude. He truly believes anything fox says about the imbecile and i can’t change his mind. This is just willful ignorance, in my opinion. You did as much as you could. I’m surrounded by trumpers with signs or flags still out. It boggles the mind. Rest easy, Ms. Moon. Wed. is almost here!
    Debbie

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    1. Health food/antique store? I love it!
      Yes. Wednesday is almost here. I can't wait. For a moment, at least, there will be a feeling of celebration.

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  8. Well you might not be proud of yourself but I'm damn proud of you! These fuckers need more people to stand up to them and call them out on their shit. Not that it actually will change their beliefs but they need to know not everyone believes all that Fox news propaganda. Recently my husband told one of his oldest friends who was talking about the election being stolen from trump, "Dennis, you are just like the cult followers of Jim Jones who followed him to Guyana and drank the damn Kool-Aid, fucking brainwashed!" I believe that friendship is now over, which is sad. The last time we went to St George I went to buy some sunglasses, a rather expensive pair of Costas, while the lady was ringing me up some older dude behind the counter, who I think was the owner, started spouting off some republican nonsense and I said "Ya know what, cancel that. I'm taking my business elsewhere rather than listen to that crap! Not everyone is a republican!" Turned around and walked off. They looked stunned. It felt good. And don't get me started on my 3 brothers and their wives who are still stuck up trump's ass, our relationships are forever broken. Sad doesn't begin to cover it.
    Angie D

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    1. Good for you on walking out and not buying those glasses. I suppose it is a good thing to let people know that their views will not be tolerated in some instances, at least.
      I'm so sorry about your brothers and their wives. Fucking sad.

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  9. Yes, Mary, I know the sunken feeling...our Q-anon trumpsters down the street are obnoxious about it, still have their trump signs and banners all over the place, I can not talk to them at all.Nice try, Mary. If you want something to make you laugh, never minding the language, http://risk-show.com/podcast/misfits/- at the 43.22 point in the pod cast, Erik will tell you a story. It will take your mind off of your sad neighbors.

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    1. That link didn't work for me, Linda Sue. Is that the same one you posted on your blog today? I read the article. Good article.
      There are so many people on White House road with those huge Trump signs and banners and the blue lives matter flags, all just flying like nothing's ever happened.
      Dear god.

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  10. I know it's just like talking to a wall!!

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    1. A wall that has a Fox audio speaker coming out of it.

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  11. You did good Mary and you walked away at the right time. I know you must feel horribly frustrated after talking to her but people like that won't or can't change. It is disturbing that there are so many people like that now but I'm hoping after some time many of them will crawl back into the woodwork.

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    1. I hope so too, lady. I wish they'd all just disappear. Or at least take down their signs and banners and shut the fuck up.

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  12. You showed more patience and grace in that situation than I would have and as others have said, I'm proud of you for that. I've given up on that entirely at this point.

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    1. I should know better by now. I really should.

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  13. Dearest Mary-I know. I learned way back when when we were protesting the protesters in front of an abortion clinic. With views so completely opposed there was no dialog possible. No way. There will always be the flat earth people and the survivalists and the vaccine deniers and so on.

    I can see why you snapped. My very next door neighbors voted for that guy and I broached the subject with the wife.She declared that it didn't matter who was in the WH, she worked 5 days a week, spent time with her hubby and used the hot tub at night. And that's her life.

    It's amazing that we're all the same species. I guess we just have to vote our conscience and put people in power who will truly care for all of us, no matter where we fall on the political spectrum. Folks will actually give away their power, like my neighbor, or one of my co-workers who doesn't vote.

    All this to say, you got to speak your truth to someone who disagrees with you. And that's important. This year has been terrible and sad and so many of us have died. We must be brave enough to have the conversation with those around us, even if we think they are idiots. They think we're idiots too. Because just maybe they will hear what we say...and change their minds.

    Love you always

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    1. Maybe we're not all the same species. Who knows? At the very least, there sure are a lot of people who haven't managed to evolve much.
      And yes, I did speak my truth and who knows? Maybe I got her to think although I have a feeling that the capacity for rational thought has been obliterated by the right-wing crazies.
      Love you always, too.

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  14. I feel your great sadness for your heart-felt desire that just one thing you said might have touched her in a way to open up her eyes and heart to the truth. A place where you might find common ground and she might put aside the 'other virus' she has caught--let loose by the orange administration--the virus of hate and discord. I am very afraid there is no cure for it.

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    1. Isn't it insane that even when people get covid they can still believe Trump who has called it no big deal all this time? Even with that very, very physical proof that he lied going on in their own bodies.
      But the other virus- the one making them believe- that one is even worse.

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  15. You're a better person than me. I don't think I could have stood there and listened to that shit without exploding. You can't fix stupid, not even with duct tape sadly, not even with education either apparently. I think politicians, some politicians, even like stupid.

    I probably would have gone home and broken something, thrown something or just screamed out loud.

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    1. Of course some politicians like stupid! It helps them get elected! I did almost explode. Believe me. It's probably very good that I encountered my neighbor before I had my walk instead of after. At least I could work out some of the anger.

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  16. You are a brave woman Mary and I admire your ability to persist even when we know it is futile. I have relatives I never see or talk to anymore due to the great divide this country is in. It is very sad but I have learned the hard way that there is no such thing as a real "conversation".

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    1. Yeah. We've lost the art of conversation. It's incredibly sad.

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  17. I have two neighbors that are trumpers, one I had it out with years ago over George Bush. We have since moved past that encounter. The other probably doesn't even know how I voted. Thankfully they are frail and I doubt they could kill us. I had to laugh at Mr. Moon's comment as my husband would say the same to me. Love

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    1. "Thankfully they are frail and I doubt they could kill us." Haha!
      Yes. Like my neighbor who is too sick with the hoax virus to kill me.
      Damn.

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  18. I hear you. But I think people don't want to admit they were fooled, so they go on insisting they're right. Funny that a person from a red state supported by blue states, talks about taking taking. There's talk of secession, which would bring those chickens home to roost in a hurry. But I'd be sorry for the good people stuck in red states.

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    1. The ironic thing is that I'm sure that this woman and her husband her children have had to depend on the government for many things because they simply don't have enough money to exist on or to use for medical help which they have both needed over the years.
      I sure hope that Florida never secedes. I would be stuck indeed.
      I think you may be right about people not being able to admit they were wrong.

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  19. Oh, Lord. It's like a real-life version of one of those conversations on Facebook where we just wind up de-friending the person in the end! I do not envy you that exchange. As for the schadenfreude, hey, I get it -- and I think you earned the right to feel that way!

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    1. Exactly. And I've unfriended a few people, believe me.
      Harder to un-neighbor, though.

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  20. Oh my, you can't talk to stupid you know! I know for sure I couldn't have had that conversation (I tried to stay out of it with my Brexit-voting family). Take the Brexit damage and multiply the damage done by Trump by 1 million and I feel for you. I would have had to walk away from that woman. Offer help as neighbours of course, but walk away because I know I couldn't have done what you did! But good for you, maybe she needed to hear it (or maybe not)!

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    1. I just CANNOT walk away from people like that. Hell, I've gone back and told people what I thought about what they'd said days before. I'm contrary. I know it. I may look like a little old lady but I have my beliefs and I'm not going to listen to people talk crap about things they are ignorant about.

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  21. I am sorry your neighbors have COVID and still haven't realized that Trump lied to them. It is sad how people can fall for a conman.
    For MLK Day, I read Dr. King's "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" yesterday and he had profound, convincing words to share with others about the terrible racism in our country. Think of all of the people that did not listen to him. They are Trumpers now...
    Thank goodness Biden/Harris will take over tomorrow! Peace!

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    1. It IS sad when people fall for a conman.
      Let's focus on the inauguration. And the words of Martin Luther King, Jr. You're right.

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  22. It’s tremendously sad. I’ve tried having the why? Conversation myself and can only conclude its brainwashing when you can’t believe what you’re seeing with your own eyes. It especially angers me when it’s ostensibly Christians. There ain’t a damn thing Jesus like about him. And oh, isn’t it a sin to worship false gods? Seems to me that’s what they’re doing. Worshiping a degenerate man. So hard to keep my temper.
    Xoxo
    Barbara

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    1. No. There is nothing Jesus-like about these people. Nothing at all. I believe that Trump has probably broken every one of the ten commandments but of course these so-called religious people would just tell me that Jesus said we must forgive the sinner.
      I think Jesus would drive Trump out of the White House if he showed up now.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.