Monday, June 5, 2017

I Have No Title

Don't know why but I have the saddies tonight. I think it's because I haven't done anything of any importance or creativity or helpfulness or productivity today. I almost made Maggie another dress (not out of the dinosaur material but a beautiful blue eyelet) and was trimming the facing when my ultra-sharp shears nipped right through a place where they shouldn't have and now it's ruined.
And obviously, the shears didn't do it. I did it with the shears and there you go.

Jessie went to see her sister-in-law's midwife up in Asheville today. This lady is going to do Jessie's check-ups while she's away from our beloved Diana here. All seems well and Jessie sent a video of August getting his heart tones listened to where he stayed so still and when it was over asked for "more." He is so precious and I still am having a hard time believing that he's going to have a brother or a sister in about five and a half months. Jessie's already feeling that little one move about, even from the outside of her belly. As she says, "This is a strong one."
Oh, who will we get to love this time?

I think maybe I'm just overwhelmed today. The so-muchness of it all. That walk this morning and thinking about all of my grandchildren and how incredibly, vastly huge my love for them is. Sometimes I do not feel as if I am a big enough or strong enough vessel to contain all of this love, filled as I am already with the love I have for all of my children. One would think that I would be acclimated to it all after all of these years, but I don't know if I'll ever be. I think that because I was never sure of my own mother's love and was deserted by my father at such an early age, it has been of utmost importance to me as both a mother and a grandmother to make sure that all of my children and grandchildren know how much I love them which is, I realize, impossible.

Well. Maybe someday they'll read some of this blog and get a tiny glimpse of how much their grandmother loved them.

Meanwhile, Hank got a smart phone today which replaces his flip phone.
Yes. His flip phone.
I remember when he taught me how to get online on a computer, back when AOL dial-up was still just about the only option. It was like a completely new language, a completely outrageous experience and I still remember the screeches and scratches and hums and squeals as the magic happened.
And now the technology is completely advanced and we have these silently connecting computers in our pockets and purses and Hank can take selfies and send emojis just like the rest of us and I can text him that I love him and he'll be able to see that on a bigger screen.

I'm going to go take some leftovers and make more leftovers with them.
It's not very high tech but it's one of the things I do best.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. I'm sorry you're in the saddies today! Don't cha think sometimes we feel like we don't deserve so much? I've had times of feeling that I have the love of so many precious people and wonder what I've done to deserve it. But never fear! We all deserve it, and that's the truth! Enjoy your 'must go' as my hubby calls leftovers.

  2. Life as it unfolds can be overwhelming in the much-ness of it, here's hoping your Saddies will soon be replaced by Joyfulness. Congrats on the new soon-to-be-Grandbaby! Dawn... The Bohemian

  3. Maybe when you text Hank on that fancy new phone you could mention to him that he could maybe just maybe voice-to-text us a blog post now and then ...

  4. Mary I don't know how you do it. Just me a single mom all my son's life and I worry so for him. I have worried his whole life. Grandchildren would wreck me though he wants children. I grow into the trees and disappear bit by bit. Love.

  5. It is a night for the saddies, I think. It's beautiful here, and for the moment everyone is home and healthy, but my god. This year. So glad you are out there and I can read you every day, even if I'm silent and still over here in the PNW.

  6. I'm texting you from the future!

  7. I absolutely believe your grandchildren will read your blog. And your great grandchildren x infinite numbers of generations.

  8. Ah, Mary. I think you miss your baby and wish you could be with her as she grows your newest love. It's an ache when they are away from us. We never outgrow that.

  9. I'm sorry you've got the saddies -- but I understand why, I think.

  10. Well, it sounds like there's a lot going on, and I can certainly understand why you'd be disappointed about the dress. (Can you replace that piece of fabric? Repair it?)

    And I'm sure you're missing Jessie, especially at this time, and August and Vergil too. Thinking about, or really just feeling, the hugeness of love can be scary sometimes. There's such vulnerability there.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.