Don't know why but I have the saddies tonight. I think it's because I haven't done anything of any importance or creativity or helpfulness or productivity today. I almost made Maggie another dress (not out of the dinosaur material but a beautiful blue eyelet) and was trimming the facing when my ultra-sharp shears nipped right through a place where they shouldn't have and now it's ruined.
And obviously, the shears didn't do it. I did it with the shears and there you go.
Jessie went to see her sister-in-law's midwife up in Asheville today. This lady is going to do Jessie's check-ups while she's away from our beloved Diana here. All seems well and Jessie sent a video of August getting his heart tones listened to where he stayed so still and when it was over asked for "more." He is so precious and I still am having a hard time believing that he's going to have a brother or a sister in about five and a half months. Jessie's already feeling that little one move about, even from the outside of her belly. As she says, "This is a strong one."
Oh, who will we get to love this time?
I think maybe I'm just overwhelmed today. The so-muchness of it all. That walk this morning and thinking about all of my grandchildren and how incredibly, vastly huge my love for them is. Sometimes I do not feel as if I am a big enough or strong enough vessel to contain all of this love, filled as I am already with the love I have for all of my children. One would think that I would be acclimated to it all after all of these years, but I don't know if I'll ever be. I think that because I was never sure of my own mother's love and was deserted by my father at such an early age, it has been of utmost importance to me as both a mother and a grandmother to make sure that all of my children and grandchildren know how much I love them which is, I realize, impossible.
Well. Maybe someday they'll read some of this blog and get a tiny glimpse of how much their grandmother loved them.
Meanwhile, Hank got a smart phone today which replaces his flip phone.
Yes. His flip phone.
I remember when he taught me how to get online on a computer, back when AOL dial-up was still just about the only option. It was like a completely new language, a completely outrageous experience and I still remember the screeches and scratches and hums and squeals as the magic happened.
And now the technology is completely advanced and we have these silently connecting computers in our pockets and purses and Hank can take selfies and send emojis just like the rest of us and I can text him that I love him and he'll be able to see that on a bigger screen.
I'm going to go take some leftovers and make more leftovers with them.
It's not very high tech but it's one of the things I do best.