I Am Drowning In It All

Three years ago on Hank's birthday. 

Forty-one years ago right now I was probably squatting on the floor of a hospital with a nurse laughing and saying, "You better get in this bed or you're going to have this baby on the floor," and because I'd already spent about twenty-eight hours of labor at home and didn't care where I had that baby because obviously there WAS no baby and this was just a cruel joke and because when I did have that baby it all became the most beautiful dream imaginable and there was my beautiful, beautiful child and I'm back there with it now and yet, still somehow right here, forty-one years later, I feel as impermanent and suspended in time as I ever have.

All I know is that I have had this child as mine for all of these years and he knows me as well as anyone ever has and we have loved each other, flesh and bone, without ceasing for all of those years and his life has made my life so much richer, from the first moment he drew breath to this very moment now, that I can't imagine what it would be like without him.

I am grateful beyond measure that he was born to me.

I am so emotional this morning that it's ridiculous. I need to find my footing and get it together. There is Mexican food to be eaten, a flat cake to be a platform for candles, a birthday to most certainly be celebrated.

All love...Ms. Moon