Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Good, The Bad, The Really Ugly and Warty


My toe itches. I think it's poison ivy.

The fucking dogs peed and pooped all over the house last night. I spent my first waking moments with paper towels, plastic bags and Fabuloso.

I have weevil moths in the cabinet where I keep the baking things. (You know the only solution to this is to burn the house down, right?)

I have washed, dried, folded and put away every bit of dirty laundry in this house and as soon as Mr. Moon unpacks from the fishing weekend there will be overflowing baskets of more.

The storm last night caused every weary branch which was even considering letting go of the mother tree in this yard to give up the fight and fall to the ground.

There are probably enough cucumbers out there on the vines to supply a Publix produce section. They are calling me to come and pick them and do something with them. Turn them into soup or pickles or something, anything. Meanwhile, I let them swell and grow until they are of such shocking size that a spinster lady might pass out (or swoon) from the sight of one.

The blackberries are no doubt also swelling and growing and calling me to come and pick them. This involves long sleeves, bug spray, shoes and socks, hat, and sunscreen. Afterwards, Bandaids will be involved if not viper anti-venom.

Owen is with his OTHER grandmother. Possibly at CHURCH.


I had to rescue that frog. He was covered in dust and dog hair and barely able to move. I do not touch frogs, especially warty, dusty ones. I used a Stonyfield Organic yogurt container to transport him to the wet bushes outside. He'll probably live to hop back onto the porch and we'll go through the whole thing again.

On the other hand, my old drunk daddy is dead and can't call me up and ask for money any more. And I suppose that although my stepfather (the Asshole) is still alive, he has Alzheimer's and isn't molesting any children.

And it's so green here today that I can practically see the trees breathing out sweet pure air.

And the cardinals are taking turns at the bird bath, filled with rain water.

And Jessie just called and she's coming out. She's exhausted from her social life in town and needs to rest in Lloyd which always makes her mama happy.

And the dogs grow older and closer to death with each passing moment.

And my two favorite fathers will be coming home soon, tired, sunburned and hopefully happy.

And I can get ice (even crushed!) and cool water from the door of my new refrigerator which kept the salad greens nicely cool but did not freeze them last night.

And I have the sweetest husband in the world and the roses he brought me last week are opening like glory in their vases and I think he'll like his chocolate-luscious dessert and there will be fish for supper. And salad. And when I go to make his Father's Day martini I won't have to crush the ice to chill the glasses with a hammer.


And I know that although I am the Queen of Batshit Crazy, I am, at the very bottom and top of it all, the luckiest woman in the world.

But my toe really does itch. A lot.

16 comments:

  1. ack - i would NOT be touching that frog, either. no thank you.
    your roses look amazing and your chocolate-luscious dessert sounds nothing less than fabulous.
    also, crushed ice? the best thing EVER. most especially in a cocktail. ENJOY!

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  2. Those little Bufo toads don't hurt anything and you won't get warts. Old wives tale. Hope that the old dogs will have an end of life with dignity. I love my old ones. They are special. Enjoy the day. And the food.

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  3. Sounds like a perfect Father's Day - filled with lots of life and living.
    Happy Sunday!

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  4. I wish I could paint my toenails that neatly! And I would swoon if I could grow cucumbers at all!!!

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  5. notjustafemme- I keep going over to the refrigerator and sticking my glass in the ice/water thing and going, "Yippie! Ice! Water! Yippie!" Cocktails later, no doubt.

    Syd- I know frogs and toads won't give me warts but that still doesn't mean I want to touch them. I like to look at them but I don't want to touch them. And my dogs have no dignity now (well, except for Pearl) so I doubt they'll die with any either.

    Lisa - So far it's a lovely day, albeit a hot one. I picked almost a gallon of blackberries and did not get snakebit!

    Aden- Jessie painted my toenails last weekend. She is not only mean, she is talented! (And oh yeah, kind.)

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  6. Damn I'm sorry bout them weevils... They do suck. maybe you can get away with just burning down the cabinetry and getting some new ones?? I know a guy who will work cheap. wink.

    I hope Glen has a fabulous father's day. Was great to see you, and thanks for all the veggies.
    xo

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  7. I'm so glad that I had your post to read today. I just don't feel like writing a Father's Day post but feel like I have to. Maybe that will be the first sentence of the post that I do write.

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  8. The tiny tree frogs that climb in through my rattly windows (how a king snake once got in I'll never know) have golden eyelids, little Pharaohs. They are almost impossible to catch but I rarely touch 'em either, run around after them with a glass and piece of paper to slide under it. What will you make with all those blackberries? I wonder what seedless blackberry-cucumber juice would taste like. Weird, I suppose.
    Hope the poison ivy isn't after all and that the rest your day is mellow and delicious.

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  9. Ms. Fleur- No. They're in my precious antique kitchen hutch. Can't get rid of that.
    Happy Father's Day to Harley's sweet daddy.

    Elizabeth- You did swell.

    A- I've had snakes in the house, too! And no, I do not touch them either! I'm a pussy about reptiles. The blackberries will become a cobbler, perhaps. Theoretically I could pick enough to put up preserves but Lord, it's hot, hard work.

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  10. Syd- I feel sort of bad about what I wrote in response to your comment. You are such a dear, serious man. I hope you didn't mis-take what I said. I would wish a dignified old age for all animals. Even my fucking dogs.

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  11. Damn! Looks like I missed an eventful weekend. I will catch up more tomorrow. Friends from out of town have been here and its been crazy.

    Miss you. Did you get my email? I will fill you in more tomorrow

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  12. Itchy toes are annoying. Because they are SO FAR AWAY! But at least it wasn't them that were warty. That's one good thing.

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  13. I love you. Sorry about the toe itch. That shit sucks.

    I am covered with mosquito bites. I hope all the damn mosquitoes that bit me have to go to the Betty Ford clinic.

    Love,

    SB

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  14. Oh, your poor toe! I have no remedies and I am sorry, but I do hope the itch is gone by now.

    The roses Mr. Moon brought for you are so pretty!

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  15. The Queen of Batshit Crazy, I love that.

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  16. wooliesocks- Welcome to the Church of the Batshit Crazy! You have a beautiful blog.

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