Monday, April 5, 2010
More Wisteria, Bees, Lizards, A Missing Chicken, And The Sacred Image Of The Female
What a weekend and it is over. There are boiled eggs in my refrigerator, dyed and painted, testimony to the fact that yes, it did all happen, along with K's boots which he left in the guestroom, facing the door as if they were on their way out on their own when the door got shut impeding their progress, and a mirror in the bathroom B left. And oh- a hambone with barely a scrap of meat on it. We did eat that ham. Yes we did. Those of us who eat ham.
I am missing a chicken. Miss Shalayla, to be exact. I have no idea where she is. I suppose something could have gotten her when they were out yesterday, scratching happily in the yard but I heard no ruckus, and we were outside most of the day. Makes me sad but if you're going to let your chickens roam, I suppose this can be the result. She may have just run away. I guess that's possible too. She has been the favorite of Elvis her entire adult life and his grip-of-copulation has left her back bare of feathers. Could she have just decided that enough is enough? I went over and checked the flock next door belonging to our neighbors and I do not see her over there. A conscious decision? A hawk? A coyote? A fox? An owl?
Sigh.
Well, unless I find a pile of red feathers, I am going to imagine her hiking down the railroad track, her hobo-bag over her shoulder.
I hope she did not have to cross any roads.
It is truly getting warm here. The thermometer on the kitchen porch read ninety-six degrees yesterday afternoon. It was not really that hot, but I believe that spring has chased winter's chill away during the daytime at least. Truthfully, I am not looking forward to the heat this year. I can stand it and I do but can I be honest? I am so sick of the hotflashes and if it is already ninety-something degrees and I am already hot, the heat that overtakes me so many times a day and night make me feel as if I have been suddenly thrust onto the surface of the sun. It's not funny anymore. It is NOT funny anymore. At all. I can't even begin to make a joke of it.
But it is what it is. And the heat brings us many things, including the beautiful flowers I cannot stop taking pictures of. The bees are in a frenzy and even if the wisteria is twenty feet up in the air,
you can hear them buzzing as they nuzzle in and out of each tiny flowerette on the hanging clusters.
Do you know how hard it was for me to take the picture? The patience? Bees are harder to photograph than babies and chickens because they move so fast. I am proud of it.
The lizards are out in force, too, and I caught this one as he was puffing out his manly throat. I didn't get him in full-display, but you can get a sense of the color.
I think he was flirting with this girl who was a few feet away:
I have taken down the picture of Billy I put up last night. I cannot take any controversy today. I just can't. I am having a day of anxiety and I am second-guessing my decision to get off the antidepressant. This is the first time I have felt this feeling in a long time and I do not like it. I am going to not panic and I am going to see how this day goes and then what tomorrow brings. If it brings more anxiety, I will reverse-wean myself. I know what my limits are.
And I suppose that's it. My mind is a bit foggy and strange. I do not quite feel like myself. I am going to town to the library and to buy some more damn Rescue Remedy. I am going to use it liberally. And this afternoon, I am going to work on a short story I started a long time ago and I am going to try and lose myself in it. I heard an interview with Lee Smith on NPR last night as I finished cleaning up and watering my plants and I heard something in her voice that made me think that yes, a southern woman can tell stories and that they can be published and that there is joy in that which I am denying myself out of fear, out of something.
This blog alone has brought me more joy than I ever could have imagined. It has opened up my own tiny world to my own heart and eyes. It has done me more good than fifty-years of Lexapro. I went to the post office this morning and found a package from Ireland there for me.
Jo. Oh Jo.
I opened it right there in the post office. Ms. Joanne, our postmistress, was curious too, to see what had come to me from Ireland. Jo sent a wonderful stuffed anteater, all made of natural and organic materials for Owen and when he takes possession I will get pictures. I know he will stick that anteater's snout in his own mouth and it's going to be so funny and he won't even know how that creature got to him, via some sort of magic based on words sent through 1's and 0's across the world and which resulted in the return of such a darling physical manifestation of care. And she also sent me a pair of gorgeous stripey tights in purples and blacks and grays which I will wear with such joy when it gets cool again.
I don't know. I don't know how or why these things happen anymore than I understand the workings of my own brain or the concept of dark matter in the universe or how it is that the flower of the wisteria blossom looks like the sacred image of the female.
I am just here, riding this wave of my life, and writing it down and as Lee Smith said that someone else said (and I would remember but I can't)- if you are a writer, you get to live everything twice.
Perhaps if you are a writer you MUST live everything twice.
I don't know.
But I do know that joy which brings more joy cannot be ignored and I am more than grateful for it all.
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Lovely photos, as usual... and you're right to be proud of the one with the bee.. it's amazing.
ReplyDeleteI hope your chicken returns. I know what it's like to lose one. I had to take a poorly one to the vet last week and she didn't come home :(
And I alo know what it's like to come off prescribed medication... wouldn't wish it on anyone, least of all you. Hang in there and do what you need to do... you know your body better than anyone else.
Love to you Ms Moon x
I wish you the best and that the mood will pass. As for the heat, it will only get worse here. Spring will be fleeting as we get right into the heat of summer. I am thankful for the sea breeze in the afternoon.
ReplyDeleteLove your blogs as usual - have been crazy busy, but will MAKE time to read them.
ReplyDeleteEverybody's different of course, but Evening Primrose was my miracle hot flash/raging hormones cure. When I would almost finish a bottle, my husband would run back to GNC and get me another one without even being asked - they're THAT effective, lol. I only regret not learning about them sooner.
I hope the chickie comes home again. Maybe she's just wandered off.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I turned on my AC last night. Don't you judge me!
I'm so happy to hear that you're working on a short story and that very tiny aside that maybe you might try to get something published? There I said it, and now I won't.
ReplyDeleteI cannot be happier about the image of the chicken with that hobo bag, perhaps clucking "Big Rock Candy Mountain."
ReplyDeleteI love the line about living life twice because that is precisely why I write.
And finally, I must ask you how I can keep my four year old from shrieking every time he sees a bee. He knows that they make honey and cause flowers to bloom, but he still freaks out. I imagine this too shall pass...
That bee pic is something to be proud of!
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say about the Lexapro. Have you ever tried Prozac?
You have every right to be proud of that bee picture! It's a beautiful shot. I hope you don't find a pile of red feathers and I hope your chicken comes home. I was taking prozac until last year and lately I have been thinking I might need it again. For some strange reason, I get those feelings of needing help during spring and I am hoping to just ride it out this time, so we'll see.
ReplyDeleteMs. Moon, you have both word magic and picture magic, you lucky woman. The bee photo is amazing.
ReplyDeleteI hope your chicken comes home. I love the image of her with her hobo bag. (We got 9 eggs today, a record to date.)
I know you will make the right choice for yourself with the lexapro. It's a very personal think, isn't it? For me, I wish I didn't have to be on meds, but I do. I'm happy, that's what matters.
Oh, a lost chicken IS concerning.
ReplyDeleteWe don't have lizards in MN (obviously). I can't imagine what that would be like.
I imagine that if someone wanted to send you a package from Ireland or Kansas or California... they'd just have to write "Ms. Moon; Lloyd, FL" and you'd get the dang thing. I bet I'm right too!!
Ack! How many months have I been holding on to those things, and I send them just in time for the Spring? You can expect a bikini at Christmas...
ReplyDeleteI'm touched at the excitement the postcard occasioned, isn't that sweet?
Looks like your parcel got to you before the German one. I've yet to get one to arrive there from here, something eats them... How is the German PO system not ruthlessly efficient?
Ms. Moon you are an amazing writer! Please, please write short stories and novels and essays and get them to an agent. You will be published. I know it!
ReplyDeleteAnd the wisteria is beautiful! I'm going to plant some in my backyard too.
Lilacsandy- Thank-you, sweet woman.
ReplyDeleteSyd- No sea breeze here. Just afternoon's swelter which is not nearly as bad as it's going to be.
Laynie- I have bought the evening primose and already started taking it. I hope it works for me. If it does, it will be a true and real miracle. Thank-you.
DTG- I do not judge you. My back rooms stay cool enough so that I do not yet have to think about the AC but I'll get back to you in a week.
Elizabeth- Of course I am running behind schedule here. But thank-you. I'm fixing to hit it.
Nancy C- No. I have no advice about the bee situation with your son. My grown son still shrieks when he sees a toad.
Stephanie- No. I have not tried Prozac. I just want to be off the damn brain scramblers. If possible.
Lois- Let us hold each others hands.
E- Nine eggs! I think my record was seven. How many hens do you have? I forget.
Jill- I feel certain you are right about the address thing.
Jo- NO BIKINIS! EVER! But thanks for the thought. You cheered my day so much. And yes, I would think that the German postal system would be fabulous. I hate it when people here criticize the postal system. I think it is amazing.
Angie- You will not be sorry you planted wisteria but remember- although it is beautiful, it IS an invasive.
Ms. Moon,
ReplyDeleteI really adore your honesty. I can't tell you how much. So much of what you say resonates with me, and I see your beautiful family, and I think that's what I want when my babies are grown. And you fight the good fight, I know, but look what you've done. That is something. You did that.
the photo of billy that you took down? ??
ReplyDeleteis that the amazing tattooed arm with owen photo?
sorry- Im kind of sketchy with dates and times with these international blogging friends I have...
wonder where the chicken went. yeah, i reckon she's off down the road seeking her fortune, little bag on her stick over her shoulder, for sure.
you sound fine. you sound more than fine. don't worry.
hey listen- write that short story and send it off into the ether...if it comes back it's just meant to wait for a bit longer. to be honest you're as good as published anyway with this blog...!
xxx
I feel the same way today...twisted up and just not right somehow. Foggy and strange is a good descriptor.
ReplyDeleteI like it when you write about how much joy the blog gives you -makes me feel like, in my small way, I can bring you joy. I like that.
You got me thinkin and writin and a post came after that.
ReplyDeleteMama, I'm sorry that Ms. Shalayla walked away and that you're feeling off. I'm also sorry there was controversy over that picture, we know there is no controversy in our hearts over Daddy B, good lord we just love him, don't we? So much. Yesterday was the most wonderful day I've had in ages, all because of you. I love you so much. I love you with all the love in the world.
ReplyDeleteThat photo is perfect. Print it out.
ReplyDeleteWonderful post.
I hope you're feeling better super fast, dear.
And I like your happy chicken thoughts. That's all you can do really.
Thanks for writing from whereever you are. That means so much and is a fantastic example, I think.
Oh and loved the lizards too.
ReplyDeleteLizard love!
Roserain- All I can say is "thank-you."
ReplyDeleteScreamish- Not that picture of Billy. Another one which DTG took. Finished the story. Will go back and reread and edit tomorrow. Is there an agent named "Ether?" Just kidding. I wish.
SJ- Not in any small way. You bring me great joy.
Maggie- And what an honest and real post it was. I am sending you BIG love.
May- Don't make me cry. Don't MAKE me cry. Oh...don't make me CRY. I love you so.
And yes, we love our Billy and why wouldn't we? With that heart? That face? Those eyes?
Bethany- I could send you lizards. Do you need some? For you, I would try.
DTG, I don't judge you. I was so grateful my Easter friends used their A/C. You see, you are already humidity adjusted so there is no problem with you coming to New Orleans!
ReplyDeleteControversy? Oh, biscuits. People make up problems where there are none. (Not you - I mean other people who make up controversies. Like teabaggers. Love this article: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/28/us/politics/28teaparty.html, and love that a conservative Republican friend posted it because he finds people receiving government benefits while protesting to deny them to people in need to be despicable).
I like to think that Shalayla is like Carol. Some of us have wanderlust and just need to have new experiences, so she's finding a shed of her own.
I'm all melancholy now. But of the good kind. I hope your anxiety goes away. That's just a bastard, and I know. I can't imagine what controversy, but now I'm wondering about it. I hope your day gets better. And that heat! I marvel at it.
ReplyDeleteHa! Hank I've used my AC too!!
ReplyDeleteMs Moon,
I love this post. Great pix and words. I love the picture of Billy. I didn't get a chance to leave a comment, because Marc's been gone and I haven't had much time... what the heck controversy could there be? it was just an arm. Strange.
Is Miss Shalayla back? I hope so
ReplyDeleteBe careful with yourself, Mama Moon. I'm worried. I want you to feel OK. It's totally selfish of me, but I love you and the thought of you not feeling OK is not a thought or feeling I feel like having.
I don't get the controversy over the photo of Billy. What damn controversy?
ReplyDeleteThe wisteria is lovely, as are the photos of the lizards. You have quite an eye.
If you feel bad, get back on the medicine. I know I have to be on it in the winter. I used to fight it, but now I just take it and to hell with it.
You try to avoid controversy and here it comes knocking. I know the commentor spoke from their own pain and whatnot, but dang, the world is full of terrors and demons and sometimes just being there- able to have a smoke and watch a child you love bumble around the yard, has been an unimaginable triumph in itself. Frame it. Hang it in the kitchen.
ReplyDeleteAll of y'all- thank you so much. I love sharing what I love with such nice people.
ReplyDeleteAnd Juancho- Bless you, darling. I agree.