I came home from Kathleen's last night and wrote and wrote and wrote. It was all scattered and one of those writing-times where you have all these bits and pieces you are trying to weave together into something coherent, something lovely.It got late.
I went to bed.
What I was saying (I think) was that here we are, on this tiny mote of planet in this tiny solar system in this tiny galaxy in this huge universe where the things we can see or understand are so small as to be unimaginable and somehow instead of making me feel useless or unimportant or as if I need to have a credo or a religion or a savior or a belief in an after-life, it makes me feel as if my life is truly my own and if, when I die, none of it matters, well then- so be it!
I can't save the world and I doubt I can fuck it up, either.
And that while I am here, I can do what I want. It is my life. It is not my tribe's life, nor my savior's life. It is not your life or even my children's life. It is my own.
And that on Easter, which is a made-up holiday (as they all are except for the ones which represent the actual turning of seasons) I can celebrate as I want. I celebrate the beginnings of new life springing from older life, not the weird resurrection of a crucified life. Poor Jesus, nailed to that cross and asked to suffer again year after year, then forced to come back again and again to roll away the stone, to unwind that shroud. I sort of want to say, "Hey, let the man rest in peace."
Ah no. Give me birds and give me babies.
Give me love and give me flowers. Give me this planet right now with its gravity and grace. Give me this life I have. I need no other not today or tomorrow and especially not after I die. Give me the ability to love this life, to love the people my heart has found to love. Give me the heart to notice the glory in the here and now and the humbleness to accept it as it is given. Give me the ability to give it back.
Love and light, we tumble through the darkness of space, given our own lamp of sun, our own spirits of struggle and strife and acceptance. Our own faces, hands, smiles, work, pleasure, dreams, rest, and getting-up-again. It is all nothing, it is all everything.
I know so little, I have been given so much.
Happy Easter.
It is yours to do with as you will, just as it is mine.
You are so much more brave than I. I agree with your words, but I don't want the stones thrown at me for saying them myself. Most people know I don't believe, but I keep to myself what I think about it. Mostly.
ReplyDeleteI find myself in a strange place as two people I have known for a long while have become evangelical. I don't have the same relationship anymore, as everything is because of and for god.
I'm rambling, I guess cuz I feel safe saying these things here. I really just wanted to say, Happy Beautiful Spring Day to you!
Sandra- Say whatever you want here. Whatever you want and feel. Happy Beautiful Spring Day to you, too.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the sun and the grandson. Gratitude is a gift, and you share it so well.
ReplyDeleteMs. Moon I am so happy for your joy and for your gratitude. This Easter is the first one I am not attending church. I've been questioning my heart lately, trying to do things little by little in a different way than I've been accustomed to.
ReplyDeleteyes yes yes!
ReplyDeleteHappy Easter to you, dear friend. I'm with you --
ReplyDeletehow i dream of wisteria punctuating my day, as you do..eternally.
ReplyDeletehere's to Spring and a new season of living, together.
I continue to wish Happy Easter to those who believe the same as I wish Happy Passover to my Jewish friends.
ReplyDeleteEaster was always a troublesome time for me as a child. I was terrified of it. The idea of someone crucified, for us to do the stations of the cross on our knees because the rest of our schoolmates did it that way, the idea that I was eating flesh, all of it wrapped in purple cloth until the Holy Friday and then the black cloths took the place of the purple ones until Sunday and having to sing on an empty stomach because you had to take communion, no wonder I turned out to be the rebel I turned out to be.
As I grew older and more aware of what it felt like I decided I was the only one with the power to stop all that and I did. I believe in the power of Nature, without having to worry about who is the man behind the curtain. My life is here and now, filled with sorrow and with laughter, with delight and pain and above all, here. What I do right has never been done because I believe in a post mortem reward. I do it because I believe it has value, either to me or to others. Not unlike that when I plant a tree 2-inches tall knowing I will not see it grow to where I can sit under its cooling shade. But maybe someone else would and that it is enough reason for me to plant it.
So make this a happy day, whatever it may be that resonates with you. The Druids with their intimate knowledge of the passing of the Seasons waited until May 1st to celebrate Beltane, and with it the true arrival of the Light. Today I will try to go outside in this rainy day and see how things are growing. That is a resurrection I truly believe in.
Happy Spring Sunday Ms. Moon
ReplyDeleteHope my wisteria will grow to be half as beautiful as yours
Love, Michelle
Nancy C- How could I not be grateful?
ReplyDeleteAngie M- I know in my heart that you are enlightened. Take that as you will.
Bethany- And yes, yes, yes to YOU, you blooming girl.
Elizabeth- Which is one of the many reasons I love you.
Rebecca- Wisteria is so amazing that I have to talk about it ALL THE TIME when it is blooming. I would apologize but why?
Allegra- I just love you. What more can be said?
Michelle- And wisteria grows up there? Ah. Proof of god.
I like your Easter sentiment. Hope you had a wonderful day :o)
ReplyDeleteYou know a damn lot, and I love you for it.
ReplyDeleteThe photos rocked.
Bucko-Ken- We did!
ReplyDeleteMs. Bastard- You should have been here. Dammit.
I agree. I spent my Easter morning on the boat, watching the sun come up and looking at the calmness of the water. I swished away a few gnats and then we had a good breakfast. I said a prayer for some friends who lost their only son last week in a car accident. I do have it so good. Much to be grateful for. I want life and not bleeding and sorrow. I prefer the light to the dark.
ReplyDeleteAmen :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm here for the first time, and thank the graces for pointing the way. What slow-afternoon delight (even at 3:25 a.m. as I write this) to dawdle over your celebration stories and photos. I just love to encounter simple and sacred stories of all the "ordinaries" in life ... like Easter eggs, grandsons, flowers and armadillos to munch on ;-D
... and then there's your mind-blowing prayer. Oh my, Ms. Moon, you write like a dream.
thank you :-)
Jaliya- I am so glad you have found us here. I am going to be spend some time in your corner of the world. You have a lot to say that I like to hear.
ReplyDelete