Look- this is what I have to say about having a grandson and being able to take care of him a few days a week:This is the biggest honor of my life. It has given me an entire new reason to live, to exist, to love. I already have plenty, but this is a new one. And there is not one second in my taking-care of this boy that I don't remember that his mother is the one who has given me this honor, this gift, this trust. Not for one SECOND.
I ran into an old friend at the library the other day. A woman whom I have known for years. We have a strange relationship. I love her for a lot of reasons but in my heart, I know she is truly not...quite...right. And never has been. And when I told her about my grandson and how I was getting to take care of him a few days a week when both his parents are at work, she told me that her daughter has told her that when she has children, she might not let them be a part of her life.
And it made me realize that no matter what mistakes I have made in my life, no matter how badly I've fucked up, there is the honest truth that my daughter trusts me to take care of her child.
I doubt I will ever in my life receive a higher honor. And I know for a fact that nothing will ever make me as happy.
I wish I had a mama I trusted with my babies... and I'm hoping that when the time comes, my babies trust me with theirs.
ReplyDeleteMichelle- They will. There is no doubt. And it will be the most amazing time of your life. I swear it will.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right. It's amazing both ways I imagine, for her too, and well then in a third way, for dear little Owen. I love my mother and always thought she was great with children. But none of us (me and three brothers, have kids yet). My therapist told me recently that if I did ever have children that I needed to keep them away from her. And this just scared the living daylights out of me. I mean, I probably, at this point will not have children, but what a horrible feeling to think my own mother would not be a safe haven, a help, would do some kind of damage to them psychologically, you know?
ReplyDeleteI'm underblogging again, aren't I?
Sorry.
I'm having a bad day.
I want to say too that from the photo I see you are a good house to come for a nice cuppa.
Lots of tea choices.
Love that!
Wow, he's looking a lot more like Lily these days in the face and expressions. The hair is all Hank! I'm sure Jason is in there, I just don't know his face as well.
ReplyDeleteCute pix.
xo
hola Ms. luna,
ReplyDeletewe love allegra
equals
we speak the same language!
(baby love and chickens just sweeten the deal!)
Your daughter is very lucky. Owen too. I can't tell you how many grandparents I know who run as fast as they can from grandbaby duty. Especially up here. They say: "I have a life."
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what? That's what their grandchildren will be saying in a few years when grandmama is lonely.
That is indeed the clearest insight. I don't even "know" you, and I know I'd trust you with my babies in a heartbeat. Because I trust my truest self with you. And that's what matters the most, and when you share that with someone, you can share anything.
ReplyDeleteGod, he is just so dang cute, I can't stand it!
ReplyDeleteAnd you're the best grandmother I believe I've ever seen...
Oh, I know what you are saying! It's a wonderful honor and tribute. There's nothing like it!
ReplyDeleteI think Owen is so damn lucky.
ReplyDeleteAnd for little Owen as well, Ms. Moon. He has the honor of getting your love, which is so tremendous, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteBest face ever!
ReplyDeleteI HAZ GRANNEE.
So right. You have done all that right.
ReplyDeleteLove those pictures. I'm not ready yet, but can't wait.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have been the aunt/grandma for my nephew ,as our mother can't really be "trusted", and it is the greatest honour.
You are receiving a priceless gift and that you know it makes it more so.
Aww but do they realize it..this gift they give? We went to drop off some apples for Jonah and we sat the entire time as he slept and watched him,..wonderful...do they realize just looking at these little folks is enough, being in their presence? I hope so.
ReplyDeleteWhat a little goober! God but he is cute. Is that a new little car-chair? He is so strong!
ReplyDeleteI love how effortlessly you have slipped into Grandmama role. There are a lot of people who could take care of a baby, but I can't think of a single one who would do so with as much light and love as you. Owen is lucky, Lily is lucky, and you are lucky, and you all know it. That is a blessing.
...and to be a pain.
ReplyDeleteI'm still trying to figure out some of this blogging tech stuff. But I realized that sometimes people land on my profile page, others straight to the blog I've signed in from. Hence you having me as Green Acres. But I mostly blog from Talk at the Table.
Not to tempt you there... but that's where I post on a regular basis.
And , you what with my witty and inspiring comments I could attract so much traffic :).
I've just realized this. Sorry if it is a bother for you to change. At first I thought maybe I was too "churchy" or something, but I'm not... blah , now I'm feeling that girl thing.
and as your daughter says, to love a baby well, is not just watching him/her. Not at all.
Your mama light shines so bright.
ReplyDeleteBethany- You know, that breaks my heart on so many levels. But I understand. And yes- so much tea and yet I drink mostly coffee. Ah well. It's there if I need it.
ReplyDeleteMs. Fleur- I still think he looks like Owen.
Rebecca- Es verdad.
Glimmer- I had worried that I would feel that way too. But no. Not in the least. How could I?
SJ- High compliment indeed, lady. Thank-you.
Elizabeth- Owen has made me the grandmother I am.
On every level.
Joy- Yes.
Maggie May- Owen is lucky. He has so many people who love him so. He is OUR baby. Well, he's Lily and Jason's son, but he is our baby too.
Angie- Oh. I hope so.
Jo- Yes he does. And I sing him an entire num-num song.
Mwa- One thing. At least.
Deb- It overwhelms me.
Sally- My friend Kathleen came over last night and watched Owen sleep. I love her for that.
May- We all know how lucky we are to have this baby to share.
Deb- Probably attended to. Thanks.
You are not a pain.
Steph- Grandmama love/Mama love.
Same-same in so many ways. But Grandmama always gets a good night's sleep!
Being a gwamma 6 times over; having attended 5 out of the 6 births, been on both sides of the "good mom" "bad mom" discussion... I know the depth of pain possible in all of it. I personally monitered my own kids with their beloved (my abusive little mother) grandma mary, because she started drinking the hard stuff at about 2 pm every day. My daughters have done some variation of this monitering as well (#3 telling me she wasn't bringing her kids back, ever, because there was a black widow on my front porch).
ReplyDeletePerhaps if we focus on the joy and amazement of these new little ones, we will all survive intact and smiling. Judging one's self as fabulous or frightful is just judging... and self is not qualified for this job.
Love your posts, and all the comments, Ms. Moon.
OHMYGAWD, LOOKIT HIS FUCKIN FACE! Seriously cute wee Owen.
ReplyDeleteSwallowtail- I can't even begin to judge myself honestly. I am grateful Lily judges me to be trustworthy to watch her son.
ReplyDeleteDTG- Yep. He's a baby-man-doll-face. He's our Man Cub. He's our Owen.