Ran-DUMB

I'm having a hard time today trying to figure out what it is I want to say. I started a whole entire post on hippie clothes but deleted it. Basically what I was going to say was that I love hippie clothes and I loved being part of a tribe and when I wore Indian print dresses when I was pregnant with my babies I felt like a goddess. Not a Wiccan Goddess. A goddess, goddess. Like, oh, maybe Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Gardner. Is that Jennifer Gardner? I have no idea.

Anyway, they're goddesses. In hippie dresses.
I couldn't really figure it out, that hippie clothes post but I suppose I may still do it some day.

Not today. The sun is shining, it's warming up, and it may actually stay above freezing tonight. My heart seems to be thawing too. Yesterday was a struggle, I admit it, but having Owen was the best thing for me and I took some bread out and fed the chickens by hand (grapes have just gotten too expensive) and that always calms me and I went to rehearsal last night and today I feel fine.

I'm going to take a walk here in a little bit. It's been way too long but my foot is feeling much better. I think I may have had a true healing there two weeks ago. I was dancing with Owen to Lis's CD



(which by the way, you can now order here!) and I felt something shift in that ankle, painful but different from the usual injury that I kept doing to it and then a relief. As if perhaps I somehow got that tendon back where it was supposed to be and it's been feeling better ever since. I'm still favoring it, but it doesn't feel the same. Less vulnerable. And I miss the woods and I miss my walk, with my body and my soul and so today I'm going out there again to see what's happening in Lloyd, to move, to breathe, to look and think.

And I need to learn my lines. Oh Lord, do I need to learn my lines. Colin is already back from his adventure in Canada, picking up an entire airplane kit and hauling it back in a twenty-four foot rental truck which took him about three days. The man is not human, I am telling you! And so there he was, at rehearsal, laughing and happy to be back and apologizing for probably not knowing ALL his lines but dammit, he did, and everyone else mostly knows theirs too. Except for me. I talked to Lis this morning and she and Lon are coming over for the play and my family will come of course and I am already having waking nightmares about getting up there and ruining the whole damn thing for everyone and embarrassing myself and my family and my friends and well- you get the picture.

So- lines! Lines! Lines!

And typing that reminded me of how wonderful it is that in my life the word "line" refers to something in a play to be learned, not the demon's powder to be snorted.

Where the hell did that come from? Talk about random.

And that's what this is- complete and utter random crap and that's just too bad. It's the way it is.

Hippie clothes, stage fright and Stage Freight (and if you aren't familiar with that album, go back to school immediately because, well, you need to), chickens and healings and babies. And oh yes! Owen got his first tooth last night! Good job, little man! I can't wait to see it, to feel that sharp sliver of ivory. I told Lily last night when she called to tell me that before she knows it, he'll lose that tooth and oh, how she will cry.
She may not. Lily is far more pragmatic than I ever was but who knows? She sure was proud of her baby boy getting his first tooth.

So. Is that it? Do we need to discuss anything else?
Let me know.

I apologize for this mess of crap, I really do, and will do better later or tomorrow or some time.

I hope.