I think that for me, this whole Me Too thing is horribly triggering. And not necessarily for the reasons you might think.
This same thing happened when the Bill Cosby accusations started flying thick and fast and then again when the grab-the-pussy tape came out and more and more women started stepping forward to tell their own stories about Trump's gropings and all manner of unwanted attentions.
Now the Weinstein situation is in the news and yes, he's gotten fired but why is this the case that finally caused people to say, "Enough?"
For me, the trigger is not that these men did the things that they did and got away with it for so long. It's that women DO speak up and they are not believed or they are ignored or they are told that they asked for it or should just "forget about it" or any one of a thousand things that makes it so clear that the men are not held accountable and the women are so very often blamed and shamed and left feeling completely powerless.
And in some very primitive way, this throws me right back to childhood when no one protected me, when I was ignored, when my needs and my heart and my soul were sacrificed for the status quo and I again I feel as if the world is a horribly dangerous place where there is no justice for women or children or for the disenfranchised of this world and fear and hopelessness crest over me and I feel the pain of everyone who has ever come forward and said, "Me too," and yet nothing has changed.
I have been trying on and off all day long to write about this in a way that explains how these publicized reports make me feel and I just can't corral my thoughts in an orderly fashion. I think that this is due to the way that the fear and anxiety and depression which result from this publicity scramble my brain which tries valiantly to simply shut down when presented with things like this.
Disassociate! Disassociate! it screams to the point where I can barely spell my own name, much less express a cogent thought.
Perhaps I will try again tomorrow.