Saturday, October 22, 2016
Chop Wood, Haul Water, Try Not To Think Too Much
The Firespike is coming into its own right now, shining in the morning sunlight as if it were lit from within.
It's absolutely a beautiful morning and I am planning a day of being outside and trimming the confederate jasmine and maybe thinning the seedings which have come up in the garden and I don't know what but all good stuff and my anxiety is thrumming through me like a taut string stretched too tight in the wind. It is singing a constant note which hurts my ears and roils my gut.
It's okay. It's just a feeling.
I sure wish this feeling would fuck off. My life is too beautiful to be messed with like this. I get so angry at myself for this sort of ridiculousness. Or at least the part of me that won't let me enjoy the incredibly simple miraculous gifts of my existence.
It's so odd. It's so hard. It's so wrong.
I think, however, it may be best to just live with it when I can and it would seem that I always can, one way or another and for that, too, I am grateful.