Wednesday, December 25, 2013

You Can't Make This Shit Up

This has been a remarkable Christmas. I woke up this morning feeling for sure that the knife-cut, thoughts-of-death crazy had fled. I mean, this is subtle, y'all, but real and true. I have no more idea why and how it left than I have a clue as to why it came.
I guess that's why they call it crazy. There's regular crazy and there's I-can't-go-on-like-this crazy. The former is my home, the latter? Well, the name says it all.

Anyway, I haven't wept or had thoughts of suicide all day long. For me- this is a fucking Christmas Miracle.

We had a great time at Lily's this morning. Owen was crazed and Gibson was dazed. That's the difference between age four and age not-yet-two. Owen was like, "WHAT???? NO MORE PRESENTS?" and Gibson was like, "What? Another present? But I already have this one."

May and Hank were there, of course. Hank was wearing his Santa hat that May made for him. Personalized, you know.

May showed up wearing the same hair-do as me. We're like, uh, mother and daughter.

The family portrait:

Owen refusing to show his face. Man, he had a GREAT Christmas. Seriously, he did. 

And after the delicious egg and hashbrown casserole and presents, Mr. Moon and I came home and I talked to two of my three brothers and that was so sweet. And then we took off for a drive down country lanes. 

We drove down to Reeve's Fish Camp on Lake Miccosukee and walked the levee at the dam. The sky was gorgeous.

There was a lot going on at the fish camp. Yellin' and ducks taking off and dogs barking and cats meowing but there was a preternatural peace to it all too.

Spanish Moss.

And now we're home and I'm going to cook some grouper. 

Oh- here's another thing- I found out today that my stepfather died six weeks after Mother died. 

Rather incredibly profound. The Asshole Monster is dead and has been for almost eleven months. And I had no idea.

Well, it's been a year. And I feel certain that I'll be doing some processing over that fact. 

But it's been a damn fine Christmas. 

May it have been for you as well. 

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Merry Christmas, Mary. And that's a kind of Christmas present in itself: he's gone, he's gone, he's gone. This is your earth now, as it has been. As it will be.

    And this is a kind of miracle christmas: first one I haven't been bone-sad, alone and weepy. Instead, we climbed in the nativity scene downtown kalamazoo and rode the sheep, kissed the camel, declared Joseph 'kind of creepy' and baby Jesus, well--I like babies. He was okay.

    Love from (my last few weeks in) Michigan.

  2. Sara- Yes. He is. And yes, this is completely now my own planet. Whoa! Thank you for giving me this realization. Dear god. Yes.
    Maybe this Is a miracle Christmas. Who knows?

  3. Love you and all of your sweet precious family.

  4. Wishing you peace in a world with him finally, irrevocably not in it. And isn't that quite the Christmas gift???

  5. Your planet now. What a wonderful way to think about it. You're free. Happy Christmas, Mary Moon!

  6. Wow. The monster is dead. It must be comforting to know that whatever went on between you now exists only in your own head.

    I'm glad the family gathered. We have two children staying with us here and they're almost the exact same ages as Owen and Gibson -- and your description of their reaction to presents was EXACTLY accurate!

    I love Hank's hat!

  7. Sitting on a porch- Thank-you, girl. Now y'all be safe driving home.

    Mama D- I am processing this news. It's odd to say the least.

    Andrea- Now if I could just shake it all from my bones.

    Steve Reed- It's so funny that you're sharing Christmas with children. It's a whole different experience, isn't it?

  8. I read part of this last night but didn't make it to the important part. The wicked witch is dead! quite possibly the reason for waking up without the burden of a lifetime.

    No young children in the immediate family anymore. the grandkids are all teenagers now and you know, too cool to show excitement.

  9. since i am not in contact with anyone in my biological mother's family, when her father dies i am sure i will find out about it much after the fact. not sure how i will react to the fact.

    thinking of you during this time of enlightenment.....


  10. Love that dirt road--looks like the one to our farm. And so glad that you had a great day without sorrow. The family picture is cute, especially with Owen turning his back.
    Time to put the monster out into the ether now. Another chapter closed on someone who had not a clue. Take care and rest easy.

  11. That's good news to end the year with, Ms. Moon.

    And I love your description of the boys and presents. So true. And sometimes the wrapping and the box are more interesting than what's inside!

  12. I am with dtg on this one - whoa! I don't really know how to take that in, so I can only imagine the processing you'll be undertaking. But it is good knowledge for you that is for sure.

    The pic of your babies made my heart smile. Soo damn precious how you have shown all of us how much love you have in your life. How you've brought us all to love them too. And as a sidenote I especially like how you allow Owen to be. You got to capture the four year old Owen and I love that.

  13. So much here but I'll just sayI laughed out loud at the difference between 2 and 4 years old! And that photo of your still my heart.

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  15. OMG I love that picture with Owen facing to the rear! THAT is priceless!!!!
    I also love the picture of you and should blow it up and frame it.
    I'm glad you had a magical Christmas.


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