Sunday, December 22, 2013

Low-Brow Old Cow

That's what I feel like today and I'm enjoying the hell out of it. I'm listening to a book on CD that my husband got out of the library and it's one of those James Patterson books which James Patterson did not write and it's extremely tacky but I sort of love it and the narrator is very good. I think it's called "Guilty Wives" and it's about four women who were falsely accused of murdering the French president while having a hedonistic, orgiastic weekend in Monte Carlo.
I mean- how can you go wrong? PRISON SEX!
Okay, there's not really any prison sex but there almost was.

And while listening to that piece of audible bon-bon, I've wrapped all the presents and planted the pansies and watered the plants and just basically wandered around the house wearing an old comfortable dress except for when I went to the store where I wandered around wearing a not-quite-as-old comfortable dress. I went to get tape and cat food and milk and I got those things plus about a hundred other things and I forgot the chicken for the chicken salad until I was in line and had to go back and get it but I got it and three people called me "Mama" when I came into the store and only one of them was Lily and that always makes me happy- to be called Mama by folks I didn't actually give birth to. I don't know why but it does.

So it's been like that today, the persistent gloom not fazing me in the least, not feeling overwhelmed or panicky about Christmas, happy to have such nice strong wrapping paper and that brand new roll of tape and now, speaking of low-brow, Mr. Moon and I are watching "Meet The Fockers" and go ahead- give me shit. I don't care. I love that movie. Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand are so joyful and full of juice in it and the house they live in is beautiful and I want it for my own. So, sure, yeah, the plot gets a bit insane and some of it is simply inane but the scene where Barbra Streisand stimulates Blythe Danner's ears cracks me up every time and it's two days before Christmas and I am not freaking out, not one bit, and there you go.

Whatever it takes.

I'm just a low-brow old cow and happy to be.


  1. I have never seen Meet the Fockers! I should totally watch it, I could use a laugh.

  2. I like it. All of it!

    That book you spoke about a few weeks ago, I downloaded and will listen to it on my drive tomorrow. I'll let you know what I think.

  3. I have nipples, Greg. Would you milk me?

  4. I like that movie, too. Also can appreciate the relaxing while Christmas looms. My company is two hours away - driving in from Colorado. Relaxing myself before all the hoopla.

  5. It makes perfect sense that people would call you mama, even if you didn't give birth to them. You just give off that loving, mama vibe. I only have one present left to wrap, no panicking here this year either!

  6. That book sure does intrigue me -- dare I try it?

  7. I can't remember whether I've seen "Meet the Fockers," but I feel sure I would remember Barbra Streisand stimulating Blythe Danner's ears. If I have seen it, I must have been out of the room during that scene!

  8. heartinhand- Well, it's the sort of humor you either very much like or don't. My son will not watch those movies. But me? Love them.

    SJ- I think you will like it. I hope so.

    Jo- That fake boob is just so ridiculous and bizarre.

    Midlife Roadtripper- I am so glad to avoid the hoopla this year. SO GLAD!

    Lora- I'll bet your beautiful children are going to have a wonderful Christmas. Thank you for the Mama-words. So much.

    Elizabeth- Only if you listen to it. It wouldn't be worth the effort to actually read.

    Steve Reed- It's hysterical.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.