"Well don't do it," I said.
He's going to do it anyway.
I made a chicken salad last night with my new knife and it went so well that I have to admit that my children did have a point (no pun intended) about my lack of a proper chopping knife. When I bought the knife, the woman at the restaurant supply place assured me that this knife is the one Rachel Ray uses for everything.
"Well, I'm not Rachel Ray," I told her. Owen was hiding in the racks of kitchen wares and Gibson was fussing for his nap and I just wanted to get out of there and get home and take a nap myself.
"You could be," the woman said.
I had no reply to this. Why would I want to be Rachel Ray? I'm a little fuzzy on who she is, exactly, beyond being a woman who cooks on the TV.
But I will say that this knife (which appears to have no connection to Rachel Ray or any TV chef at all) is a fine tool that I will be using, probably for the rest of my life.
In another, completely non-related topic, there's a thing going around the Facebook and I believe I was even "tagged" for it in which you're supposed to list ten books that "have stayed with you in some way."
I'm not even doing this and I'll tell you why. That list would have to include the book Faye Grant probably found at the dump in the fourth grade and shared with me and it was WEIRD, WEIRD, WEIRD and fourth-graders should not have been reading it as it included a scene where a pregnant woman was killed and her breasts cut off and her unborn baby cut from her and...
See what I'm saying here? You think a book like that, read in the fourth grade wouldn't "stay with you"?
So any list I made would necessarily have to include this horrorshow of a book and I don't remember the name of it.
Plus, my list would probably include at least three books by Louisa May Alcott because I read Little Women, Little Men, and Eight Cousins so many times that they became part of my very DNA, twisting around the strands of it and part of me will always be in the attic with Jo, eating an apple and writing and blotting up ink stains. Of course I wanted my own school where boys worked and played and learned Good Lessons about life and philosophy and all fell deeply in love with me and my darling professor husband. And oh, GOD, how I wanted an uncle like Rose's Uncle Alec, a father-figure for the ages and what girl wouldn't want seven male cousins to do her bidding and take her on adventures and then there was Phoebe, the maid who could sing like a bird and who was Rose's best friend and confidant whom Rose took under her wing and taught to read and thus changed her life forever and ever, AMEN? A fucking codependant's dream!
And there's four books right there.
Everyone else is listing books by people like John Irving who makes me profoundly uncomfortable and oh, I don't know. I don't actually read the lists.
I'm not a good person to tag on Facebook concerning lists of things. Sorry.
Have you seen the video here?
Can you stand it? There's some really fucked-up people in the world and a lot of them are on TV and I am so grateful for Jon Stewart.
Well, I guess that's all I want to talk about right now. They're doing something in front of my house and maybe it's that repaving of the road they've been talking about.
I don't know why they're repaving the road. The road appears fine to me. Next they're going to lay the 1/8th of a mile of sidewalk, I suppose, which goes from nowhere to nowhere but which will pass in front of my house and require the removal of some azaleas. Big doin's in Lloyd. At least the sidewalk will give my grandkids a place to use sidewalk chalk on other than my porch floor. And they can ride their tricycles up and down it even though I'll have to stand there and guard them every second because I don't trust people not to run off the road and hit them.
"Here comes a car!" I'll scream and they'll have to scramble to safety although where safety will be, I do not know.
God. I've wasted half the day. I need to go to the store and buy food to chop with my new knife. I should go Christmas shopping. Do you suppose that Rachel Ray does her own Christmas shopping? If she has an assistant to do that shit maybe I WOULD like to be her.
Not gonna happen.
Happy Saturday, y'all.