Thursday, January 24, 2013


The funeral home director just called and informed me that Mother's "cremains" are ready to be picked up along with the death certificates.
Now can I just say that the word "cremain" is most likely my least favorite word in the English language? I first heard it when my friend Sue died and we were at the funeral home which was handling her remains. I thought the woman had made it up. I was open-mouthed when she used it the first time. I almost burst into hysterical laughter. Cremains? Are you fucking kidding me?

Anyway, la-di-dah. No matter what you call them, Mother's are ready to be picked up. Along with the death certificates. Some with cause of death on them, some without. Due to HIPAA laws, some places can only accept the death certificates without the COD on them. And no, you cannot use copies of the death certificates for most places. You have to use original documents.
There are so many laws involved in all of these things. It's...overwhelming.

But let me say this- it is the most incredibly beautiful day and my heart and my spirits are good. I hear the sweet liquid trill of the redwing blackbirds and the chip-chip-chip of the cardinals. I hear the calling back and forth of robins as well as the song of a mockingbird and yes, even at the same time, I hear a distant woodpecker doing his pneumatic drill impersonation. Crows, if I am not mistaken, are fussing at each other in the side-yard. The sun is drenching everything in gold and the sky is a cloudless bowl of blue. There is a sweet cool breeze which ruffles and jangles the wind chimes and a truck is running through its gears on the nearby highway.
I have a lightness of heart which I should probably be ashamed of but am not. I am, in fact, incredibly grateful for it.

My darling Russell has to leave today but Jessie and Vergil are coming tomorrow. I have things to do but I do not feel as if I am drowning. Yes, the legal duties which death brings are all present but as I said yesterday, it is all a process and so, by definition, it does not need to all be done at once and I have my husband to do far more of the work and thinking for me than he should have to but which he is so good at and which he does so graciously.

And Baby has just come over to visit the bird feeder which never ever fails to make me happy. Even her sudden appearance feels like a gift. I am going to take a walk, I am going to hang my sheets on the line. I am going to be so fucking grateful for the blessings which this day, this life have presented me.

My mother's cremains are ready to be picked up. At some point, we will scatter them over the water. Lily wants to take some up to Jessie's wedding to leave on the mountain too, which will be most fitting as Mother wanted to go to that wedding and loved the mountains as much, if not more, than she loved the water.

There is so much that was imperfect in my relationship with Mother and will ever be so but I will continue to do what is set before me to do for her, even now in death, and if my heart is light despite all of that then I am not going to over-think things. I am simply going to accept the gifts given as well as the duties and be incredibly grateful for them.

Good morning from Lloyd.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. I'm glad that you are having a good day. It sounds good to scatter her ashes over the water and in the mountains. Continue with this day of good feelings.

  2. Cremains?! I thought you were making it up too!

    Yay for Baby and lifted spirits.

  3. i'm with you about the whole cremains thing. sending strength and peace from the frozen lands of the north.


  4. Good morning to you! I am glad you are light --

  5. Wow. You sound like you have moved into a much softer place with it all. I felt relieved and soothed just reading your words.

    I hope I follow suit. :-)
    Continue to be light,
    xo m

  6. wow what a week..... I have just been catching up...... bereavment is as I'm sure you know a strange beast, not all wailing and gnashing of teeth.....just let the light keep coming x

  7. Over-thinking can be the death of you. And then YOUR cremains would be ready for pick-up. You have the right attitude and outlook i think.

  8. You are right, I think, to be grateful for the lightness.

  9. Yes. Yes. Yes.
    Hear the birds. See the sun and sky. Breathe in love and breathe out gratitude. Kiss your man. Hold this life.

  10. Oh, hell, I wish I could keep my big Contrarian mouth shut, but I just can't.

    ......"I have a lightness of heart which I should probably be ashamed of but am not. I am, in fact, incredibly grateful for it."....

    I am so glad.

    Why in the hell should you be ashamed? Yes, your Mother died.....does that mean you are not allowed to ever live and be happy again? Or do you feel that it is too soon? Is there some kind of a documented time limit for letting happiness back in? Piffle, I say.

    Please, I beg you, let yourself feel any joy that sneaks in when your guard is down. It is NOT a bad, evil thing to be happy in spite of your loss.

    Honest.Love, The Ancient Curmudgeon

  11. I'm so glad you're feeling better. I have only one comment on the 'cremains' issue: CRAISINS.

  12. Isn't that the best we can do in life? Be grateful for the days like the one you are having. No matter what comes before or after.

  13. Syd- I did. I do. I swear.

    NOLA- I love that damn little hen.

    Mrs. A- And I am hoping that you find a new job ASAP!

    Elizabeth- Incredibly so.

    Ms. Fleur- Me too. For you.

    Young At Heart- I haven't done much wailing and no gnashing of teeth. Thanks.

    Jill- Ha! I am now wondering how heavy my own cremains will be.

    Stephanie- I think that would be a sin- to ignore this beauty around me.

    Denise- I am, honey! Oh. I am!

    Lo- You have no idea the power of your voice in my ear. I am so grateful for it every moment that I feel lifted and I let myself just feel that. I promise you. I swear.

    Jo- Ha!

    Rachel- Yes. I think so. I truly do.

  14. I know an artist that make paint from unclaimed cremations. He says every person is a different color.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.