The funeral home director just called and informed me that Mother's "cremains" are ready to be picked up along with the death certificates.
Now can I just say that the word "cremain" is most likely my least favorite word in the English language? I first heard it when my friend Sue died and we were at the funeral home which was handling her remains. I thought the woman had made it up. I was open-mouthed when she used it the first time. I almost burst into hysterical laughter. Cremains? Are you fucking kidding me?
Anyway, la-di-dah. No matter what you call them, Mother's are ready to be picked up. Along with the death certificates. Some with cause of death on them, some without. Due to HIPAA laws, some places can only accept the death certificates without the COD on them. And no, you cannot use copies of the death certificates for most places. You have to use original documents.
There are so many laws involved in all of these things. It's...overwhelming.
But let me say this- it is the most incredibly beautiful day and my heart and my spirits are good. I hear the sweet liquid trill of the redwing blackbirds and the chip-chip-chip of the cardinals. I hear the calling back and forth of robins as well as the song of a mockingbird and yes, even at the same time, I hear a distant woodpecker doing his pneumatic drill impersonation. Crows, if I am not mistaken, are fussing at each other in the side-yard. The sun is drenching everything in gold and the sky is a cloudless bowl of blue. There is a sweet cool breeze which ruffles and jangles the wind chimes and a truck is running through its gears on the nearby highway.
I have a lightness of heart which I should probably be ashamed of but am not. I am, in fact, incredibly grateful for it.
My darling Russell has to leave today but Jessie and Vergil are coming tomorrow. I have things to do but I do not feel as if I am drowning. Yes, the legal duties which death brings are all present but as I said yesterday, it is all a process and so, by definition, it does not need to all be done at once and I have my husband to do far more of the work and thinking for me than he should have to but which he is so good at and which he does so graciously.
And Baby has just come over to visit the bird feeder which never ever fails to make me happy. Even her sudden appearance feels like a gift. I am going to take a walk, I am going to hang my sheets on the line. I am going to be so fucking grateful for the blessings which this day, this life have presented me.
My mother's cremains are ready to be picked up. At some point, we will scatter them over the water. Lily wants to take some up to Jessie's wedding to leave on the mountain too, which will be most fitting as Mother wanted to go to that wedding and loved the mountains as much, if not more, than she loved the water.
There is so much that was imperfect in my relationship with Mother and will ever be so but I will continue to do what is set before me to do for her, even now in death, and if my heart is light despite all of that then I am not going to over-think things. I am simply going to accept the gifts given as well as the duties and be incredibly grateful for them.
Good morning from Lloyd.