Sunday, January 6, 2013

Another Day Of Life On Earth

You know, it's been a long day and not one I would have chosen if I'd had a say in the matter and of course I'm extremely sorry that my mother broke four ribs but the fact of the matter is, she did, and I don't know what the results of such an injury are going to be beyond a long spell of a lot of pain for her but having said of all of that in such an awkward and clumsy way, I will say that it hasn't been the worst day of my life and probably not of hers either.

Morphine must be awesome. Except for when Mother tried to move or cough, she was not in pain. Now, moving and coughing are a problem even with the morphine but she was able to rest comfortably in the bed in the ER and everyone there was completely kind and thoughtful and attentive and gentle and efficient. Well, efficient until it came time to find her a bed because they want to keep her overnight but they finally have. And I left before they did that because six and one half hours in a small room with my mother was about all I could handle, plus I am still sick and my brother who lives in town came up and took over. Mr. Moon was there with me for quite awhile but then he went and babysat for our boys.
I will go back tomorrow when they're talking about releasing her if all goes well. There is an extended care part of the Assisted Living place where they have dedicated nursing staff and she will be there for some time, I presume.

So. There was that.

And then when I got home I had a very, very long talk on the phone with my brother who lives in Washington state and that went better than any conversation we have had in memory. I am serious. We both backed up to a wall a few times but no guns were drawn and no blood was spilled and we both listened to each other and we both now understand each other a little better than we did before, I think, and we laughed a lot. At one point I yelled, "We have a breakthrough!" and it was true. Because he and I know that we love each other and that we are blood even if no one in the world makes him as angry as I do (frequently right here on the blog which he reads) and no one on this earth makes me as angry as he does but underneath it all we are very similar in many ways and the bottom line is, no two children are ever raised by the exact same parent even if they are raised in the same house by the same person.

So. That was pretty fucking awesome.

And I am more than grateful for that.

I do not know what the outcome of Mother's fall is going to be. She is going to be eighty-six this year and it seems as if right now there are a myriad of problems which is she is dealing with. The cellulitis she was diagnosed with a few days ago (and which is responding quite nicely to the antibiotic) and with the rash that they've tested her for and with her chronic dizziness and nausea. Not to mention the mental issues. Is this the true beginning of a downward spiral or has she been on one for awhile? I do not know but I suspect the latter. We will have to play this one out day by day and see what happens.
Aging sucks and there are no two ways around it. If she was a really happy person in her circumstances, I think I would feel differently than I do but she is not, to be truthful. She lives in the best place she could possibly live at this point in her life but she knows that she has lost her independence, she knows she is not the woman she used to be and she hates all of that. I wish for her sake that her heart would simply stop beating one night as she sleeps and I would wish that for all of us. We cannot, however, dictate these things and her father lived to be almost 92 and her mother to the age of 89 and genetics are huge when it comes to life span.

This morning, when Mr. Moon and I were on our way to the hospital, I told him thank-you for coming with me, for being such a good man and helping so much with my mother. "It's just life," he said. "We deal with it as it comes."

God, I wish I was more like him. And god, I am so grateful he's my husband.

And you know what else I am grateful for? The fact that I can write these things out and that I have a community of people who respond to me, not just in circumstances like this, but when I write of my childhood and of difficulties in family and with those very particular and almost mythical relationships and who make me realize beyond anything that yes, we all go through shit in our lives that lead us to where we are and that we (or at least the people here, you, yes, YOU) try to make sense of it all, try to end cycles of destructiveness and that when we share these things, when we recognize our commonalities and our fears and our sorrows and our joys too, that we are all made stronger and more aware and...less alone.

And maybe even a little bit that my brother reads these words I write and can know me better through them. Yes. That too. Because I love him.

Now. Poor Mama. Her pain is going to be intense and her healing is going to take awhile. And it's not going to be fun and it's not going to be easy. But as Mr. Moon said, this is life and we deal with it.

But not alone. We have each other. Some bonds are blood-born, some are forged, some are more fragile and less tangible but each and every one of them is part of how we go on.

Thank you.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. On we grow. For five years now, you and I.

    So glad you had a good talk with your brother!!

  2. I know I probably speak for many when I imagine you taking a bow as we all stand and applaud, such is the play of your life and how you tell it and live it.

  3. it sounds like it was a very good day in your life on this earth; your mother probably fell because of her dizziness but now she is getting the attention she needs, and maybe she's the reason you and your brother got in touch and had that talk and isn't it all a curious mix of magic and mayhem, this life. i am glad you have mr. moon at your side, and curiously, i was having many of the same thoughts as you about this little community of ours today. it is really something special. and at the center of it, there is you. hugs, dear mary. now sleep well tonight and get your cold better. I love you dearly.

  4. I'm sorry that this has happened. But I know that you will make the right decisions. You and I have a lot on our minds right now. And sadly, it won't get much better in terms of a bright future for the elderly relatives.

  5. I'm sorry and WTF-you have a Washington State brother???????? I think it's time to visit him (ahem) and I could MEET you, for real.

    Anyway, travels with the elderly are a portend of our own advanced aging, ain't it? Humbling for sure. My mother was graceful and kind at the end, who knew.

    Love and hugs and kisses from Seattle.

  6. Sara- I'm appreciating. I swear I am.

    Nola- And to you too, honey.

    SJ- Sort of a damn miracle. Both of what you said.

    Elizabeth- No. You. I mean it. I'm just stumbling along. With a hell of a lot of support.

    Angella- At the center of everything is always The Mother. As you know. I thought about your mother today so much and how she is in a place she loves and I swear- that is everything. I love you dearly, too.

    Syd- I think that death can be a beautiful release when life is too much for us. I really do. Thank you for being part of my world.

    Beth- Bellingham. That's where he is and works. Who knows? Maybe one day. I have visited there once. It is beautiful.
    And yes, we are all going to walk down that road. For real.

  7. The name of your blog kind of says it all.

  8. your generosity of spirit and honesty have endeared you to me. should you ever desire some long-distance Reiki, get in touch with me. =)

  9. And so it goes, this crazy life. Your Mr. Moon is a wise and good man. Your poor mom, I hope the pain is kept at bay. Nothing about any of this is easy, but being able to write and share helps a little. So glad you had a good talk with your brother.

    I hope you get well soon, take care of yourself.

  10. "It's just life." And it goes on but it sure is nice to have someone to love us and hold our hand while we wade through it.

    And I am very glad you connected with your brother.

  11. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I'm thankful you have that wonderful guy to help you through.

    I will admit honestly and somewhat shamefully that when situations like this arise with my own parents, I just want to bury my head in the sand and not deal. I'm working to figure that one out.

    I guess it will be one day at a time.

  12. ". . .no two children are ever raised by the exact same parent even if they are raised in the same house by the same person." This punched me in the gut. I had my own difficult experience with this truth this weekend, as pertains to my own two daughters. I wish I could be the exception to this rule you have so wisely put into words.

    I'm glad for the breakthrough with your brother, and I'm sending you lots of light for strength in the coming days.

    Mr. Moon's kind words helped me too, all the way up here in Carolina.

  13. Sending love to you and hoping your mom heals quickly.
    This all sounds like so much right now: your cold, your mother, your brother. But sometimes things pour in as they pour in and I'm glad you were able to see through them and strengthen the important relationships to you.
    "Almost mythical relationships" - god, yes, we do that don't we. Those relationships as children become myths to us as adults - not mythical that they didn't happen, but we base everything we do off of them, they become our story and even if some events happened differently than we remember, they always take on this cloudy sort of beast in us.
    Take care of yourself. Not alone. Not for one second.

  14. Wow. 4. That hurts. At least there is the morphine to be grateful for I guess.

    Hang in there, and congrats on your talk with bro. That's big.


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