Thursday, December 15, 2022

Mer Day

It was raining this morning when I woke up and I'm pretty sure it rained through the night. When I went out to dump my compost this morning, the garden looked happy as a garden can look, bright and green and thriving. It wasn't long until the sun came out and every cloud disappeared, as if someone had come and swept all the cobwebs away, revealing a ceiling of lapis lazuli. 

It was my day to pick up Levon and August and before I had to leave the house I got a few things done. I took the trash and was surprised to see a new employee at the garbage depot- a woman!  There was another woman who used to work there a long time ago. She was small and white and as butch as they come. I had a little crush on her. This new lady is younger, Black, and looks big and strong enough to tote a washing machine if necessary although I imagine the smaller lady could have too if she'd set her mind on it. She was like a wire but a wire can be strong. 

Anyway, I thought, Wow, I should tell someone this Lloyd news! and then I thought, Seriously? Who would care? and then I thought, Holy fuck, woman. You need to get a life. 

Next I went to the post office because it's on the way home and there was a man with what I would call whiskers, not a beard, who was wearing a pair of overalls not unlike the ones I myself was wearing. This made me realize that not only do I need a life, I probably need a wardrobe. When I was leaving the PO, the whiskered man said to me, "Nice fashion statement!" I sort of laughed. "You too." 

So I went and got Levon. They know me at the school now. I walk up and they say, "Levon?" and I say, "Yep," and they send for him. A mother handed me a little gift bag for him and I held on to it until we got to the car. Inside of it were about seven different types of candy including a ring pop and a candy bracelet. I handed it over to him and told him he could have one piece of candy. One. 
There was also a little bag with a dreidel, four chocolate gold covered pieces of gelt, and the instructions on how to play the dreidel game. I had never played the dreidel game, didn't even know there WAS a dreidel game. But I do now and I have also played it with a five year old who, due to our loose interpretation of the rules, won almost all the change in my wallet. 
Oh well. He got neither my pesos nor my Cuban CUC. 
I read him the Richard Scarry book I'd bought, "The Best Christmas Book Ever," and although it probably is not the best Christmas book ever, it was calm and soothing and all is merry and bright in Busytown. At the end of it, there was a page with the words and music to Silent Night and of course Levon wanted to know what that was and so I sang it to him, very slowly and as sweetly as I could, and he said, "That made me sleepy."
Well, shit. It made me so sleepy that I offered him my phone to play Monument on and I fell asleep cuddled up beside him on the couch. After about ten minutes he tapped me on the shoulder, handed me the phone and said, "You have a phone call," and indeed I did. It was Mr. Moon reporting in from Tennessee. After we talked to him I asked Levon if I snored and he said that yes, I did. I asked him to demonstrate what I'd sounded like, which he did, and I'm sure he got it perfectly. I remember once his mother when she was a little girl, telling me I snored like a dying moose. 
No wonder my husband loves to go off to distant lands and places so much. 

We went and got August and when he came out he hugged me hard and then Levon put his arms around both August and me and it was the best. 

When Vergil came out of the room where he works and it was time for me to go, both boys were in the bathroom, Levon on the toilet and August telling him something very important and they barely looked up when I hugged them good-bye and off I went. I left soup and bread for their dinner. Vergil recently had to go up to North Carolina as there was a death in the family and I know he's exhausted so I wanted to at least make their supper easy. 

Here are a few pictures I took. I asked the boys to think about certain things and make the faces they would make in reaction to those things. 


Christmas morning! Levon is eating a cookie. 


Visions of sugarplums, dancing through your head. 


How Santa is going to look trying to come down their chimney. 

I thought all of these were very good and accurate reactions. 

I love their little Christmas tree. There's a part of Tate's Hell State Forest where it is legal to go and cut down a Christmas tree. This is the second year they've done that and it makes for a sweet outing in the woods. It reminded me of all the years I've gone out into the woods (not always legally) in my life and cut down down a tree. In Roseland we could go out and cut a tree by the railroad tracks. Cedars grew abundantly there and eventually they'd come cut them all anyway. Cedars still grow in Roseland and they are another thing that draw me back to the place. I think the first time I ever bought a Christmas tree was my first year as a truly single woman. Hank and May were quite young but already aware of Christmas and its rituals. I was living in town after living in the woods in Lloyd, and in nursing school and there was no way I could get out into the wild and cut my own tree with two little children. So I bought one and then I had to figure out how to set it up and the damn thing did not want to fit into the holder thingee and I almost wept but I knew that this was just one of the things I absolutely had to be able to do on my own and I did and we had our tree. 
That was a horrible Christmas. The children got to be with me for Christmas Eve but my ex came and got them on Christmas morning, as had been arranged and I was completely and totally alone. I remember that it was one of the coldest days I could recall in Florida and even now, the memory of letting my babies go off on Christmas day in that freezing cold causes me to tear up. As I recall, I spent the day deep cleaning the house. Why not? I had the time, there were no distractions, and it no doubt needed it. 

Eh. That's life. There are countless parents who have been through the same and who do go through the same and who will go through the same. Another thing that makes me hate Christmas- that deep guilt and sorrow when a family has been "broken" and the children are forced to play their roles in the mess of the agreements which are often more like the burned-off landscapes of wildfires than anything civilized or right, no matter how hard the former partners try. 

Yes, well. 
It is getting cooler and will be for awhile. Finally, we may be getting our winter. I know that forecasts that range more than a few days in the future can be vastly inaccurate but they are saying that temperatures may be in the twenties on Christmas Eve and on Christmas. 
We shall see. But if that is true, I really do need to bring some plants in. I was just out on the front porch with Jessie a few days ago and even I am honestly astounded at how enormous some of my plants are. I have had them for decades and really all I do is water them and let them live their lives on that porch which doesn't get a whole lot of sun and yet, they thrive. I would truly hate to lose them. 

Meanwhile, I am wearing one of the cashmere sweaters that Linda Sue sent me. It is so soft, so warm, so comforting. I feel like I imagine a baby chick feels under its mama's wings, snuggled up to its nest mates which truly must be one of the best feelings in the world.  

I am grateful, I am anxious, I am sad, I am bewildered in these last days of 2022. And I am tired. Tired enough to fall asleep and snore on the couch next to my grandson in the middle of the day. Life will do that to you. 

Love...Ms. Moon

26 comments:

  1. I am also anxious and tired and in need of an early night. Wishing you a calm evening.

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  2. I think tired is a feature of the time of year. It's a low time in general. But I'm sorry about all the anxiety.

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    1. Yes. You're right. If we were more like some of our mammal kin, we would find a cozy den and crawl in for some good sleep. But even bears don't hibernate in Florida! That doesn't seem fair, does it?

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  3. I was one of those mothers who sent my children off too. I didn't mind most of the year; I could mow the grass, work in the yard. But the holidays were just awful. The pits. Horrid.

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    1. Yes. I can still barely think of those times.

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  4. I took down the Christmas tree on Christmas day one year, when I was alone that day. My son was in Red Deer with his grandparents and I had to work, so after or before work, can't remember, I took down the tree. Such a long time ago.
    We are force fed the lie that families are wonderful and get along when that has not been my experience and when it comes to Christmas I feel that lie even more keenly.
    Wish I could give you a big guy. I visited my friend and we cried and laughed and gave each other hugs. It was good. Sending you a big hug too sweetie.

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    1. Taking down Christmas trees by myself was always a chore I hated. Just hated. And trees that need taking down are in many of my dreams. Some have been up for many months. They represent a sort of resentment for me, I think.
      I am imagining you and me having a very long, good hug.

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  5. Sometimes, the only reasonable thing to do is to take a nap. I sure wish I could sleep. Pixie, Hiawatha House's 'Red' is from Red Deer!

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  6. I nap in the afternoons too, but there isn't anyone here to tell me if I snore. I don't think I do unless I have a stuffy nose from hayfever and the noises I make wake me at night. The cat certainly doesn't complain and she snores anyway.
    August and Levon, I just love those boys :)
    Their tree is so pretty.

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    1. Maurice snores too! It's pretty funny.
      August and Levon crack me up. They truly do.
      Their tree is a bit...sparse, but I love its simplicity. It is a very real tree.

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  7. Nostalgia of any sort is a killer at Christmas. Or during "the holiday season," an expression I despise. I wish I could come over and laugh at something dumb with you. I feel better knowing that you snore. I do, too.

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    1. "The holiday season" makes me want to gag. Yes. If you came over we could go "shop" at My Gypsy Soul Boutique. Trust me- we would laugh. Too much. We would have to leave. I would never be able to darken their door again.
      I think a lot of people snore. Supposedly my grandmother and grandfather slept in different rooms at as far a distance from each other as that tiny house could manage because Granny snored. That could have been true.

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  8. Once again I sense your angst but it is coupled with love and hope.
    We will wake up soon, glad the season is over, grateful for happy memories and promises to do different next year.
    Snoring is good. It shows you are alive. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

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    1. It does indeed show we are alive! I like that explanation.
      I sure hope there are some happy memories from the next week. The way I've been feeling that WOULD be a Christmas miracle.

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  9. Ha, loved that comment from the guy in the dungarees, but don't you be growing any side whiskers just to keep up!

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    1. It is sort of a chore to keep the hairs that pop out on my chin plucked but I do my best.

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  10. I think we all snore. Show me a human who DOESN'T snore.

    I love Levon's eye-roll in that third picture. I imagine Santa does look something like that, going down his one billionth chimney. "Well, here we go again."

    I actually DO think it's quite dramatic that there's a new person at the dump! It feels vital to keep up on the happenings in Lloyd!

    Oh, and thanks for the warning about the weather. I had no idea it was going to get that cold. I'll bring the appropriate clothing to Jacksonville!

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    1. You're probably right about the snoring. And other animals do it too.
      Levon has got excellent facial expression game. He can slay me with a look.
      Thank you for recognizing the importance of new dump personnel. They are important people in my community!
      Yeah. You might need a coat, man!

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  11. I think I have gotten calmer about Christmas. It will come together and happen and what doesn't get done, doesn't matter after all.
    Hang in there!

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  12. Your reference to the Richard Scarry book made me think of a great children's book (well, older children probably) that I loved reading as well (used to read it to my grade eight students and sometimes grade four students many years ago) , called The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson. It has great humour in it and might remind you of any number of small town families. Always love reading your blog, thank you! -Jenn

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    1. I had never even heard of that book. I just looked it up. It sounds wonderful. Children love stories of very, very naughty children. I might need to buy it. Thanks.
      And thanks for your kind words.

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    2. It's a great book and the movie is okay too, but the book is better because you can see it in your own imagination. I bought my copy last year and plan on giving it to the twins when they are older.

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  13. That Christmas Day morning when you were alone with Hank and May and your ex came to take them away - it must have felt like the first square in a game of "Snakes and Ladders". The only way was up. Look at you now Mer. Just look how far you have come.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.