The man is home, safe and sound. I sort of fell apart today. I suppose I did not realize how much I was holding on to stay together this past week. It's been a lot for me and I didn't realize it until he got home. So it has not been a particularly good day. In fact, I feel I've ruined it by my sadness.
My poor husband has had to put up with my emotional crazies for all these years and I feel like I have gotten so much better in the last decade or so but sometimes something happens and all of my insecurities and unhelpful coping mechanisms come back in full force and there I am- a mess. At least though, I think I am better at identifying the emotion I'm actually feeling and don't go through the entire spectrum of them trying to find the one that makes me feel the least vulnerable.
Well, theoretically, at least.
So I've not only ruined his homecoming but Keithmas as well.
Don't tell Keith, okay? I know he counts on my intergalactic good thoughts on his birthday. And it's not only his birthday, it's his wedding anniversary to his beloved Patti. Thirty-nine years. One year longer than Mr. Moon and I. I wonder if after all their years together, their joys and sorrows and illnesses and accidents, the children, the grandchildren, if sometimes Keith doesn't find himself wondering, as my husband does, What the fucking fuck? about his wife.
I would truly be surprised if he did not.
Tomorrow will be a better day. And this week we have got to get my plants inside because although for the past few years, dragging them to the wall of the porch and covering them with sheets and blankets has kept them alive, we have not had temperatures down near twenty degrees which is what we're going to have this week. And let me tell you something- some of my plants, MANY of my plants, are bigger than a stove and heavier than one too. My plan is to just lay tarps down in the dining room and hallway and roll those behemoths in with a dolly. We will be living in a jungle-house. I wonder how many lizards and insects we will be bringing in with them.
Sounds interesting. And a little wild.