Last night's salad was so good. SO good. I tried and tried to download the picture above yesterday because those were some of the ingredients in what I was making. See my teeny carrot? So the greens I used were the cabbage I had and some mustard greens. Also those two small scallions from the garden, the turnips sliced thin as paper and the carrot which was bright orange on the inside. I didn't have miso, as I said, so I fooled around with soy sauce and tahini which is not miso at all but Gee Dee- it was fantastic with the ginger, sesame oil, and rice wine, etc. I also toasted some sesame seeds and added that to the salad. Thankfully, there was enough for two meals and I was happy to have it for lunch.
I've been worthless today. The fact that Christmas is upon us hit me square in the face this morning. The reality of it almost took me to my knees. My kids and I have been texting all day about the subject and mostly about how we put so much emphasis on it and how mothers are always the ones to make it all happen, thus being responsible for the Christmas Magic we are all led to believe is a true and real thing and that if we just buy the right presents and wrap them the right way and put up the right decorations and play the right Christmas music and cook and bake the right Christmas foods, the magic will be there. And if it's not there, then we have not performed the correct rituals and we are failures as mothers and our children will be scarred for the rest of their lives.
And all of this even if we do not identify as Christian.
As I said in one of my texts, "It's not Christmas magic, it's Christmas mania."
And all of this even if we do not identify as Christian.
As I said in one of my texts, "It's not Christmas magic, it's Christmas mania."
I swear to you- I have PTSD from all of the things I did to make Christmas merry and bright in the defined and proscribed manner in which we were lead to believe was THE WAY! And most mothers did. Do.
And Christmas was never a merry time for me to begin with. At an early age I realized that Christmas magic was pretty much bogus, that Santa Claus was a hoax, and that if you have a very unhappy family all year 'round, it ain't gonna miraculously be all happy and bright and loving on December 25. I did want desperately to believe in the St. Luke version of the story of the birth of sweet baby Jesus and for many years I clung to that but as I grew older and my anti-religion gene kicked in and then read the Bible trying to overcome it, I realized that it was all just a lovely story and that although there may have been a birth in a stable, there were surely no wisemen bearing inappropriate gifts and no shepherds herding their flocks at night being struck with the vision of an angel telling them about the virgin birth of the savior of the world.
And Christmas was never a merry time for me to begin with. At an early age I realized that Christmas magic was pretty much bogus, that Santa Claus was a hoax, and that if you have a very unhappy family all year 'round, it ain't gonna miraculously be all happy and bright and loving on December 25. I did want desperately to believe in the St. Luke version of the story of the birth of sweet baby Jesus and for many years I clung to that but as I grew older and my anti-religion gene kicked in and then read the Bible trying to overcome it, I realized that it was all just a lovely story and that although there may have been a birth in a stable, there were surely no wisemen bearing inappropriate gifts and no shepherds herding their flocks at night being struck with the vision of an angel telling them about the virgin birth of the savior of the world.
Phew. I suppose this may be my annual I-Hate-Christmas post.
Or maybe not. There could be more to come.
But anyway, yes, the fact that Christmas is right around the corner and that as Grinchy as I am, I must at least have something for the children to open on Christmas morning from me and their grandfather really came into focus and Lo! I was sore afraid! I have gotten Maggie, Levon, and August something but nothing for my darling Owen and Gibson. And of course I want to give all of my children something. They all get what we call the "flat gift" of money but I haven't come up with anything else. I usually end up giving them all the same thing- something from Costco, like down comforters or blenders or, whatever. It's sort of a running joke. But this year I haven't figured it out.
Okay. Let's not talk about that any more right now.
This arrived in the mail today!
I discovered Fresca recently, via our beloved Linda Sue. I love Fresca's blog and she photographs things her dolls get up to (as does Linda Sue) and has made a calendar of a year's worth of the photos. It is so cheerful and so sweet. I have hung it on the porch right beside where I write.
I already have a 2023 appointment written down on the appropriate day. Unfortunately it's for a visit to the dentist but this is life. And the sweetness of Fresca's Girlettes helps to make the prospect of such an appointment less daunting, somehow.
I had to do a little rearranging of that particular part of the porch wall but I actually like it better now.
Maurice and I did a little gardening today.
I weeded and she kept an eye on me.
Here's a picture of one of the cherry tomato bushes with a tiny bit of its abundance.
And, speaking of dolls (we were speaking of dolls, right?) Dorothy Anne and Emily have decided that since Mr. Moon is gone and we have such a huge bed, that they should keep me company at night along with Jack.
They do love the panther light and the rosy glow it casts upon them. I agree. I have not yet told Mr. Moon that his side of the bed is now occupied. He made it safely to Arkansas and reports that the hole in his leg has sealed itself up and liquid is no longer escaping from it and that they have already eaten almost all of the cookies.
I suppose I may actually have to pull myself together and go to town tomorrow to do a little shopping. Pray for me now and at the hour of my inevitable break-down.
And I think that's all the news from Lloyd that I have.
Love...Ms. Moon
That was a perfect description of Christmas angst and I laughed out loud over "Lo! I was sore afraid". Nice veggies by the way. Don't worry about Christmas gifts. Your grandkids get spoiled all year long and they'll remember that.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering if anyone would get my homage to the Bible. Thanks!
DeleteMy gift to everyone is making christmas dinner for all, tree lights and a semi clean house. Better than shopping, better than giving someone something material that they will just toss eventually. I hope that you can find something useful for Owen and Gibson - it is a tough age to buy for.
ReplyDeleteThe calendar rocks! Mine came last night and made me so glad!
I think your gift is a beautiful one! Cooking and cleaning and a tree and lights- well, THAT is the magic right there.
DeleteOh! I'm so glad the calendar got there so fast and that you like it!
ReplyDeleteThe girlettes are squealing, "We are famous and not likely to get eaten by alligators because she hung our pictures up so high above where alligators can reach!"
(I wonder if alligators can, like, stand up? to reach things? I really don't know. But I didn't suggest it to them. Anyway, I'm sure your porch is alligator free.)
And they are jealous of Dorothy Ann and Emily and say they want half of MY bed (which, being a twin bed, is not possible since there are fourteen of them, even though they're small).
P.S. I love your panther lamp, and also the white lace curtain. I love all the things I see in your home!
DeleteAs far as I know, alligators do not climb walls. Also, I've never seen one yet in this yard. There are, however, alligators in a creek about a quarter of a mile away and theoretically one COULD crawl over here and enter the porch through the cat door but I sincerely doubt that will happen. The Girlette's pictures are safe.
DeletePerhaps you could sleep with one Girlette at a time? Would that make them happy?
You know, I honestly think you would walk around this house and just keep saying, "Oh my." You would be totally boggled by the number of madonnas I have.
LOL 😂 “enter through the cat door”—you are so funny! But gee, those alligators are pretty close…
Delete—Fresca
PS uh-oh. Now the girlettes say PANTHERS are cats and could get through the cat door!
DeleteDo you have panthers???
Xo Fresca
Uh? No?
DeleteI felt so seen when you wrote about how mothers are somehow responsible for making Christmas magical ..! I could go on and one about this. I’ve got the baggage of my own mother staying up until 5am, so we could wake up to a magical Christmas house, which was indeed magical, but it’s just not doable for me! We’ll all have a lovely time in the end, though..I’m sure! I’m so envious seeing your freshly harvested tomatoes and carrots! Here in the Mid-Hudson Valley, NY, gardens have been ‘put to bed’ until April/May.. something to dream about during winter. Best wishes for a sweet Christmas for you and your family! It’ll be wonderful, even if not every box gets checked!❤️xo, Ricki
ReplyDeleteYes. As in most cases, Mothers do make the magic. It's all on us. Or at least it used to be for many of us.
DeleteWe are able to have a very nice winter garden with all the greens and lettuces, onions, garlic...
The tomato thing is not the normal situation though.
Best wishes to you and yours too. Stay warm and cozy!
How you frightened me into thinking it's close to Christmas. Then I realized it's Tuesday and Christmas isn't until Sundayl
ReplyDeleteTwo Sundays away.
DeleteIt IS close to Christmas! ARGGGHHHHH!
DeleteI've been dialing back Christmas for years, gladly. I enjoy it so much more when I'm not trying to do everything. My dollarama may be the extent of my decorating. Easier when your kid's in his fifties, admittedly, and knows all about Santa.
ReplyDeleteHaha! I hope your son knows all about Santa by now! I'm sure he does.
DeleteI keep thinking about doing this little thing or that little thing to decorate and I just can't do it. It's like a physical resistance has set in along with the emotional one. Ugh.
37paddington: I’ve gone overboard again on gifts. I know it’s a guilt thing because I’m not good at manufacturing Christmas magic, never have been, so I do the mania instead. Glad to hear Mr. Moon is healing up nicely. You made me laugh at several points in this post, now and in the hour of my breakdown.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that a few people at least got the religious references.
DeleteOverbuying is another thing that I tend to do when I do start (finally) getting presents. It is way too easy doing it online. Click, click, click.
Your almost teen grandsons might appreciate cash, My grands gave me things like US Savings bonds. Are those still a thing? I'm sure whatever you do will be appreciated,
ReplyDeleteWell, they will be getting gift cards, I'm sure.
DeleteUgh, I feel the same about Christmas. That panther light! Omg, someone was selling one very similar on a local buy and sell site! I was tempted to buy it as my beloved aunt Ethel had a pair.
ReplyDeletePanther lights are awesome! I love that sort of thing.
DeleteI got the Christmas tree up yesterday and a few things scattered about but two things that I normally hang just didn't make it onto the walls. I couldn't be bothered. I have gifts to wrap and that's about it. I'm always happy when it's over because Christmas Day never lives up to the hype.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your shopping tomorrow. Your garden looks lovely and I'm not jealous at all, maybe, a little. I will pray for you my dear:)
Well, you got a tree up and that is far more than I've done.
DeleteThanks for your prayers! Ha!
Yes yes yes, Ms Moon. You speak for us all! I carry so much angst over this season.
ReplyDeleteTis the season to be greedy. And I hate it.
Your panther light is gorgeous. It looks almost art deco but what would I know.
Our weather has been so awful that my tomatoes are either drowned with rain or blown over with gale winds. I think I need to move to Lloyd.
I think it IS art deco.
DeleteThere is so much wrong about Christmas that it's impossible to list all the ways we have perverted what began as a Pagan celebration. And yes, greed is part of that.
You might like Lloyd. Or...you might not.
I love Fresca's Girlette Calendars, I have one from 2021 that I still look at often.
ReplyDeleteI love the glow from the panther light. Your tomatoes are so fruitful! I love the colour of them. I once grew purple carrots and was disappointed when they weren't purple all the way through, but they were still tasty.
Don't stress too much about Christmas, things will sort themselves out and as long as you all get together it will be fine.
I know you're right about Christmas. We haven't even come up with a getting-together plan! Hank and Rachel are going out of town and I think that's wonderful for them.
DeleteI love the contrast of the purple outside and orange inside carrots. It's such a vibrant color arrangement!
This calendar is bring me a lot of pleasure.
I would think that if people already don't get along then being crammed into a small space with alcohol involved is a recipe for disaster! But you're right, it does seem to all on mom to make the magic happen, doesn't it! Everyone comes to my house at the moment because that's the most convenient but we have already talked about renting a chalet up in the mountains next year for a few days. I don't know if that will be possible (ski season is expensive) but we're going to look into it so that everyone will have a break!
ReplyDeleteMy family of origin didn't drink (except for my father but I didn't see him after age 5 until I was thirty) and we didn't have fights. We just...were all nicey-nicey and rather terrified of my stepfather and wanted to please my mother so she wouldn't go into another depressive episode.
DeleteOoh- I think renting a chalet would be wonderful! Y'all should do that! One of these years I am going to rent us all a huge beach house for Christmas. Damn the expense. Let's do it!
I start stressing about Christmas in October! If I haven't got the majority of the presents for everyone by the end of November I can't even begin to look forward to " the day". What a nonsense it all is.I am so lucky that my DIL took over the Xmas catering and cooking a few years ago, so that is now not a worry. This year it is our turn to host Boxing Day for our kids and husband's extended family. 21 in all, includes 4 kids and 2 teenagers. DIL catering for that too. A major worry on that day though, is that my nephew's family have an un neutered labrador that my dog hasn't ever met , and he doesn't like dogs with their bits! Growls. Could be tricky! My poor boy might have to spend the day in his crate.Just hope he can get over himself after a while. 2 of my human boys, their ladies and one grandson will be with us on Xmas Day.
ReplyDeleteI pretty much start stressing about Christmas on December 26. It never really ends. It is good that your daughter-in-law took on the cooking. Sounds like your Christmas and Boxing Day are going to be huge! I hope the dogs don't fight. We don't do Boxing Day here. It's sort of a mystery to Americans.
DeleteGood to hear Mr Moon is healing! And I guess all those stories touch so many of us in different ways. I'll always believe...I've seen and been through too much, not to.
ReplyDeleteLove your Maurice! Adorable kitty.
Have a beautiful day!
hughugs
Donna
Well, we all have the right to believe in and practice our own religions. And also the right not to practice or believe in any of them. I know that faith means a lot to a lot of people.
DeleteMaurice is pretty cute but she will bite and scratch for no reason. She's drawn so much blood around here. But we love her.
This was a great post, Mary! I was agreeing with all that you wrote!
ReplyDeleteI have the gift shopping done but haven't figured out the meals yet. I don't know who can show up on which days and at what times and if they will be eating here?! But it will all work out and it will be over before we know it! (There's my Christmas spirit!)
Oh my goodness. I wish you could just have a bunch of meals ready in the refrigerator to take out and heat up. It's never that simple, is it?
DeleteI ignore christmas. I used to get seriously bent out of shape about it. I hated it, the whole fake bullshit, the obligatory gift giving of it spending money you don't have on crap no one wants anyway, the attitude that tragedies are infinitely worse if they happen at this time really pisses me off without going into a lot of detail. But we've talked about this and agreed before. There is no magic to make one day happy in an unhappy family.
ReplyDeleteYep. You and I shake hands over this one every year. We have a lot in common and this is one of the biggest things.
DeleteIt may be made-up (I have no doubt) but I love the Luke version of the Christmas story, as recited by Linus on "A Charlie Brown Christmas." It always brings tears to my eyes. In fact, we should watch that tonight.
ReplyDeleteYou're right about the "magical" Christmas falling mostly on the mothers. I think if it were solely up to fathers they'd plunk the kids down in front of the television and put on a movie and make some TV dinners and that would be that.
Now I'm sitting here wondering what Christmas would be like if it WAS the dads who had to make Christmas. It sure would be a lot different.
DeleteMore "ha-ha" than "ho-ho" I think.
Have you read A Child's Christmas in Wales? I love that.
ReplyDeleteJanF
I'm sure I have and I can't remember it! I need to go back and reread.
DeleteThank goodness my family's not into the holiday fanfare so much.
ReplyDeleteIf i was there, i'd founder on those cherry tomatoes and lay down with my head propped up on my arm next to Maurice on a bed of leaves and dirt in your garden and chat about all matters of the world with you. I'd help some, surely, bellyfull of tomatoes, permitting.
Oh, Ajax! That is the best visual image! I would love to have you laying there in the garden with Maurice, digesting mass quantities of tomatoes. I wouldn't even WANT you to help. Just chat.
DeleteHaha. You're nice. :D
Deletegreat post! I am totally shunning Christmas this year due to personal *stuff* .(mainly my persistent vertigo). no cards, no gifts except for distant ranch neighbors 3 young children that I ordered 3 months ago.....and I'm REALLY trying to have no angst or guilt about any of it. Trying, being the operative word. The sky will not fall if I don't send out 20 cards this year or do any baking!
ReplyDeleteSusan M
Wouldn't it be great if we all had magic wands whose sole function was to erase guilt and angst? Damn. I'd pay good money for that.
DeleteTry to be easy on yourself. Vertigo sucks.
I was just thinking about the Xmas stress this morning. It has been exhibiting as baking this year, mostly, with a bit of present shopping on the side. I didn't put up a tree, since I am driving to my daughter's, but am still doing a bit of decorating with greenery and lights as I love the look of it. My grand boys are getting bigger and the "magic" is fading, though they still like traditions and presents, of course. Wishing you one of your wonderful Moon gatherings and some cozy, stressless winter nights. x0x0 N2
ReplyDeleteI think kids love tradition more than anyone. They want things to be just as they always were. It's so funny. I wish you weren't having any stress, just doing the things you want and like to do. Wishing you some cozy, stressless nights too.
DeleteI love you and the I Hate Christmas Posts. Lo! I was sore afraid! and Pray for me now and at the hour of my inevitable break-down. both made me chuckle.
ReplyDelete