Monday, December 26, 2022

Getting To Know Ralph


 It occurred to me this morning when I finally got the courage together to order the Roomba to get off its charger and begin cleaning, that whoever built this house over a hundred and a half years ago certainly never envisioned something called a robot vacuum cleaner scooting about the heart pine floors, sucking up dirt and dust as it goes. 

Robot? Vacuum cleaner? 

The first vacuum cleaner I was ever introduced to was a hand-me-down Electrolux that my grandmother gave my mother after she got a new one. It looked almost exactly like this:


Didn't even have wheels. It had runners. You'd have to stop it and clean out the clogs about every five minutes. You'd know you had a clog because it would start screaming at you with a high-pitched whistling sound. My mother passed the damn thing on to me when I grew up and started keeping my own house. I had it for years! 
What did we call that thing, Hank and May? The whale? The Suck-Bucket? It weighed about eighty pounds and it did suck and it sucked well except for the propensity for getting clogs. It was probably because of that Electrolux that I just can't stand vacuuming. Even with the new lightweight ones. 
I've never been a big fan of carpet though, so sweeping has always sufficed. I do love a broom. I had carpeting in a trailer I lived in. Red carpeting throughout the entire thing except for the kitchen and bathroom. I can't remember if I had a vacuum cleaner then or not. I hope so. 

But here we are now with the Roomba and it has amused me all day long. I won't say that I actually followed it around the house but I will admit that I checked on it quite a few times. Where was it now? 
UNDER THE BED!?
UNDER THE CRADLE!!!!!????
UNDER THE OTHER BED!!!!!!???????
Yes! All those places. And even in closets whose doors were open. 
It is such a determined little thing. It never did make it into the kitchen due to the uneven thresholds but I think I have figured out a work-around involving a rug being used as a ramp. I hear that it takes a few days to map the whole house at which point you can direct it to just clean certain areas. 
For some reason the fact that it makes its way back to the charger when the battery is running low just charms the hell out of me. I can imagine it saying, "Whoops, sorry, gotta get juiced up and then I'll get right back to work!" And it does! It goes directly to the place it was cleaning before it had to take a break.
So funny. I feel sort of guilty for even owning such a ridiculous thing but to hell with that. If Mr. Moon can have a riding lawnmower, I can have a robot vacuum cleaner. 

The cats have not been sure about it. It freaks Maurice out (what doesn't?) but Jack likes to follow it around and study it. If only I could get one of them to ride it so that I could take videos and be a huge TikTok star with millions of followers! 
What? That's already been done? 
Well, dang. 

So speaking of Mr. Moon, guess where he is tonight? 
Hunting? 
No. Not tonight. He's over at the coast to go fishing tomorrow. 
It's going to be so cold when they get up and get out on the water but the season is just about over and so, it must be done.
When he told me he was going I said, "Great. Now you can pass out in a boat."
"I'm not going to pass out," he said. 
He better not. He seriously better not. 

And now I am going to go cook the gourmet chicken pot pie I have in the freezer for just such emergencies. My life is a thrill a minute, isn't it? 

Yes. Yes it is. At least tonight when I go to bed I will know that there is not a layer of dust and cat hair underneath me as I sleep. Not that the dust and cat hair has ever bothered me that much. I've always been slightly amazed at what I manage to gather from under there with a dust mop and a broom but not really horrified. 
If I was my cleaner I'd fire me. But I think I'll keep the Roomba. I've decided to call him Ralph. As May said when I told everyone about the naming of the Roomba today, "Ralph sounds like a little worker tank that is doing his very best."
I agree. 

Here's a picture Mr. Moon sent me. 


I believe I will keep Mr. Moon, too. 

Love...Ms. Moon





34 comments:

  1. My first vacuum was an identical looking Hoover, with runners.I slowly upgraded and have a stick vacuum in the closet now. Never used it here. There was a Roomba in the mix. When it jammed on that fine dog hair on Yorkies I got out the directions on cleaning. They were so complicated I gave the Roomba to an engineering friend. Every time I asked progress he said Not Yet. That was ten or fifteen years agol

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    1. Oh dear! That Roomba may never be coming back. I think they've improved in that time.

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  2. I’ve always wanted a Roomba but thought folks would think I sat on the couch and ate bon bons all day (I don’t eat bon bons). But our home is pretty level with no carpeting and now I’ve got to have one.

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    1. It's an industrious little friend, I tell you!
      I'm not sure what bon bons are but I'm pretty sure I don't eat them. I don't sit on the couch that often either.

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  3. That's like the huge heavy cleaners I had, your top picture, hated hauling them around. It sounds as if Ralph is part appliance, part toy! I like the idea he goes back and docks himself. Can he make you a cup of tea and maybe a bit of toast?

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    1. Sadly, so far I have not discovered the tea and toast function. It's more like part appliance, part pet. Is that weird? Maybe like a toy poodle or something.

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  4. I'm glad Ralph did well for you today. Too bad he cannot fish for Mr. Moon. Enjoy your emergency pot pie.

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    1. Mr. Moon would never let a robot fish for him! I don't think, at least.
      I loved my pot pie.

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  5. My robot's name is Cindy Lou Who. I got her because I have a bad back and a big dog.

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  6. It always amazes and disgusts me when I empty out roomba, kinda like squeezing a big blackhead:)

    Hope Mr. Moon stays upright and safe.

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    1. Ha Pixie, I see we have the same gross sense of humour!

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    2. There is a bit of curiosity to it, seeing what has been sucked up. This one's bin is whooshed into a vacuum bag but the bin does still need extra cleaning.

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  7. My grandmother had an electrolux. My mother had a Hoover. I've been through of number of vacuums and I gotta say, they all sucked. Until they didn't. Which sucked. I've wondered about the roombas. The fact that they do their own self care is a wonderful thing. When I went to see my son once, there is a yard version of a roomba. It runs out and mows the lawn all by itself. We live in a time of marvels.

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    1. We do indeed live in a time of marvels. What would our grandmothers say? Of course my grandmother had a maid come in to clean. She probably didn't know where her vacuum cleaner was or how to turn it on. So there is that.

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  8. Oh that sky! Ralph is a little busy bee. Is he silent? Because I'd worry about him sneaking up on me and nudging my feet out of the way to clean under the table.

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    1. No. Ralph makes some noise. Especially when he docks himself the stuff he's sucked up is then sucked up into a bag. But I can deal with the noise.

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  9. I am almost tempted to get a Ralph but after being given my Dyson for my birthday I might be pushing my luck!
    Mr Moon is definitely a keeper if he takes photos like that, catches fish to stock the freezer and returns upright.
    Your readers have my sense of humour. I am still giggling at the comments already!

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    1. I truly believe that a sense of humor is a sign of intelligence and possible holiness. There is nothing better than laughing or making someone else laugh. In my next lifetime I want to be a stand-up comedian.

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  10. The suck bucket or the dead pig, because it was like dragging a dead pig around on a rope. I'll never forget the weird burning smell it made or the sound of a penny being sucked into the beast.

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    1. Dead pig! Yes! I knew it was some heavy creature. It did make a weird burning smell, didn't it? Probably all the frayed electric wires in it. I swear though, that thing might have sucked up a cat if it had stayed still long enough. I knew you'd remember!

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  11. I had no idea a Roomba was intelligent enough to map the house or return to its own charger. That's pretty impressive. I'll be intrigued to hear what you think of its overall effectiveness.

    We used to have an ancient Electrolux too, of a slightly different variety. We called it The Dachshund.

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    1. My old Electrolux weighed as much as twenty dachshunds. But yes, the shape is somewhat correct for that species.
      I'll be doing Ralph updates, I am sure.

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  12. I think I would be enchanted by the fact that it makes its way back to the charger too. Beats plugging it into my sofa (in joke)!

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  13. My sister has a Roomba and they really are amazing to watch.
    Hope Mr. Moon has fun fishing and catches lots of fish for you and comes home soon.

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    1. Well, he's home. But no fish. The grouper were not biting.

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  14. My favorite little vacuum is the Mighty Mite. I'm on my second one and even it's probably 20 years old or older. We bought a cheap version of the robo vacuum a few of years ago. It worked fine until the day I dismantled the big roller brush to give the thing a good cleaning. It only goes back in one way but it never turned after that so the dust and pet hair wouldn't get moved into the canister, just pile up in front of the brush. Went back to the Mighty Mite.

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    1. I've never even heard of a Mighty Mite! Huh.
      I imagine that the newer Roombas have better rollers than those on the version you had. I sure hope so!

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  15. my first vacuum was a hand-me-down identical Electrolux that was my Moms and yes, no wheels, just skids. Cripes that was brutal. Mine only had a hammer-head shark looking attachment at the end of the hose so you had to totally bend down to attempt to vacuum anything. I celebrated the day I took it to the dumpster and recall how elated I was to purchase my very first upright Eureka. I was about 20 at the time. I'm very curious as to how Ralph will perform for you! Smart boy who follows directions well, I hope!
    Susan M

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    1. Oh yes. Mine had the hammerhead attachment too. And that thing alone weighed about five pounds. You definitely could not be a wimp to use that thing.
      I'm hoping the same about Ralph. So far, he's a wonder.

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  16. 37 paddington:
    It sounds like the start of a beautiful alliance between you and Ralph!

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  17. Our robot cleaner is named Bruce. He is now my favorite pet

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  18. My parents had an Electrolux just like the picture you show and they gave it to me when we moved...and it was still working -- it was about 50 years old by that time -- until I sucked up some hot ashes from the wood stove and it caught on fire.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.