Saturday, December 5, 2020

News Of The Day Plus A Very Dirty Joke


I somehow managed to get my lazy butt to the post office before noon today which is good because noon is when the postal attendant leaves. I almost forgot my mask. Okay, I did forget my mask but remembered it halfway down the block and turned around and got it, only to find that a customer at the counter when I got there wasn't wearing a mask of any sort and the clerk's mask was hanging off one ear. I had to wait because I had a package slip in my box and I don't know what kind of transaction was going on but it went on so long that I finally went outside and when I came back in the transaction was still going on but the clerk looked at me and said, "Do. you want your package?"
"Yes," I said, and she went and brought me not one but three from the back. Luckily they were all smallish and not very heavy so getting them home was easy. One of the packages held two Virgin of Guadalupe calendars which I used to buy every year for me and May but I think I skipped the last two years for some reason. But this year I remembered and I texted May not to get a calendar for 2021 and we began texting back and forth about how neither one of us has really started Christmas shopping and I told her that Christmas is becoming more and more stressful to me every year. Billy, who knows me so well sent me this a few days ago which sums it all up nicely. 


So I made a suggestion to May which is that this year we only buy gifts for the littles and our own smaller family units and she said, "Yes!" and I texted the idea to the rest of our family and everyone agreed with huge relief, I am sure, that this would be best. 
I can't tell you what a burden I feel has been lifted from me. 
It's just stupid for us all to be stressing out to order things online that nobody really needs. 
Hurray! 
Jessie asked for everyone to PLEASE not get her kids any toys with small parts and that a cookie or a shirt or a book would be fine. I think we can handle this. I think this will be awesome. 

And with that all taken care of, I faced the rest of the day with good humor. I went out to the garden and weeded a bit and pulled up the dead marigolds which perished in the freeze. I am very happy to report that cilantro is cold hardy. It looks happy as can be. 


Out of curiosity, more than anything, I put the shovel in under the frost-killed sweet potato plants that we left growing and this is what I found. 


Now those are some sweet potatoes! They're huge! I rinsed them off and they are curing on the back porch on a piece of newspaper. About four years ago we planted sweet potatoes to not very good results and obviously, we didn't dig them all up because the next year a few more plants came up and we dug those but obviously, again, left a few more in the ground and so forth and well, here we are now. 
I shall probably make soup with them. Two batches. Because...Jesus!
These things remind me of one of my favorite jokes which I may have told you before but it bears repeating. 

Two Russian peasant women are digging up carrots in the field and one of them pulls out an extraordinarily large one. "This reminds me of my husband, rest his soul," she says. (Please try to read that with a Russian accent.) 
"He vas dat big?" asks the other woman with interest.
"No," replies the first woman. "He vas dat dirty."

Please forgive me if this is insulting in any way to any ethnic group or gender. Or anything. It's literally one of the only two jokes I can reliably remember.

I did a little more thinning of the carrots and butter lettuce and collards while I was already on my knees. I've washed all of that and will make a salad for tonight. And after I was done in the garden I found another camellia which I do not know the name of and picked it and put it in a vase. 


Isn't that color exquisite? It reminds me of the pearly insides of a seashell. Might as well face it- there are going to be a lot of camellia pictures for the next few months. 

I think my husband will probably be back tomorrow although I told him that he is not allowed to come home without some Tennessee barbecue. That stuff is so good. It's shredded pork and he vacuum-sealed dinner-sized portions to freeze and we have enjoyed it so much. I make homemade buns to serve it on and it's always delicious. He told me that if he couldn't get any until Monday, he'd wait until then to come home and I'm serious- he will. So we shall see. 

I just put the chickens up and baby, it's cold outside. Well, to us thin-blooded people. The cats have been tag-teaming snuggle duty with me and this morning I woke up to find that I'd been sleeping with this one all night. 



Little orange super model. 

Time to go heat up the leftovers and make a salad.

Love...Ms. Moon

33 comments:

  1. Maurice is so pretty. Have a sweet night.

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    1. I just told her that she's pretty. She didn't say thank you.

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  2. As lovely as your camellias are the crocheted doilies it's on. Are those family or finds?

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    1. I think finds but I may also have found some in old family things. So...I don't really know.

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  3. I love camellia picture season!

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  4. I agree with e. That’s a lovely picture.
    We’re getting that slick layer of wet snow. You can almost see through it. I’d much rather have camellias growing!
    Debbie

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  5. Never too many camellias for this follower.
    And yes to not stressing over presents. That's why I like Thanksgiving -- just company and good food and a happy time, no presents and cards.
    I long ago told everyone I didn't want stuff. If it's edible, fine, if drinkable, fine, if flowers, fine. If I have to use or dust or attend to it, not so fine

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    1. Exactly! No more things I need to dust. Or find room for. I have more than enough of those things. I have more than enough of everything! And as my daughter May said, "The things we need this year cannot be put under a tree."

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  6. Never too many camellia pictures! They look so much like a painting. I think I’ll try sweet potatoes in my garden this year. Pulled pork on a homemade bun sounds heavenly.
    Xoxo
    Barbara

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  7. Poor old fucking Santa, I empathize . Not doing Christmas this year everything is on hold. I might bake some stuff for the neighbors. Everything here is going to bed for the winter so to see cilantro growing and your lovely flower is surreal. Those sweet spuds are frightening.
    Post office, mask dangling from one ear, there's a genius!

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    1. I am honestly very glad to find out that cilantro is cold hardy because if you plant it in the spring it bolts so quickly. Maybe this way I'll have some for awhile. Of course my basil all died. Dammit.
      Those sweet potatoes are daunting to say the least.
      Yeah. Our PO lady is, well- good at her job.

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  8. You have a nice pair of sweet potatoes Ms Moon but if I am not mistaken your left sweet potato is bigger than your right one. This is of little consequence - after all no pairs of sweet potatoes are quite the same. Love the picture of Maurice!

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    1. Oh, Mr. P.! Does your wife ever tell you that you have the mind of a ten-year old boy? But you are right- when it comes to sweet potatoes, at least, size does not matter.
      Thanks for noticing how lovely Maurice is. She's my little darling, even when her nose is all scabbed up from her fights with Jack.

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  9. For a number of years, our family has only given gifts to the littlest ones for Christmas (though I still give $ to my two adult grandchildren). Simplifies things and takes a huge (financial and emotional) burden off of families that have enough to handle--especially this year. Fortunately, I had ordered all the tots their toys more than a month ago. Just need to wrap them.

    I can't say I'm a merry Christmas kind of gal. But, I put the tree up yesterday (haven't done that in several years). Only doing it for the 6 yr old GS who comes for schooling every weekday. I've set out the ornaments and I'm going to let him decorate it. We'll call it art class. :)

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    1. Art class indeed! Yes. If I had a child coming over all the time I might consider a tree. Unless I buy some tiny little thing I don't think I'll have one this year. I just don't feel the need.
      You're so smart to get the children's gifts early. I need to get on that.

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  10. I like that joke - and I'm not sure who would be offended by it. I wish cilantro would grow properly here as it's my favourite herb but it doesn't do that great. Basil neither. I hope you get your Tennessee BBQ too - but I suspect that was a good excuse for your husband to stay another day right?

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    1. Well, one never knows anymore what is PC and what is not. Well, some things are pretty obvious.
      I'M the one who told the man not to come home without the barbecue! And he's on his way home right now, barbecue in the cooler. He's a good man.

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  11. Love the Christmas meme and the carrot joke. Those sweet potatoes are INSANE.

    I'm sure it is a HUGE relief to have Christmas sorted out. One of the fortunate things about living so far away from family is that we all basically abandon any Christmas gift responsibilities, except I do try to buy something for my nieces.

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    1. Aren't those potatoes crazy? I wonder if I'm going to need an axe to cut them?
      It IS a huge relief to have made that Christmas decision and I'm sure that everyone feels that way.
      But yes- Christmas presents for the children are sort of necessary, aren't they?

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  12. We have a Canadian version of that same joke. I love it.

    Those sweet potatoes are huge!

    It's strange because I enjoy buying Christmas presents but I don't like Christmas. This year it's been pared back even more. Katie doesn't care about Christmas and I'm sending my middle daughter baking which she likes. She's talking to me again:) My brother's family is getting a pair of goats, actually somebody in Africa is getting a pair of goats in their name. None of us really need anything.

    Have a lovely day and stay warm my friend.

    I'm glad you've removed the stress of gift buying for yourself.

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    1. Tell me your joke!
      I love the buying-a-family-goats gift idea. I need to start doing that.
      How are you feeling? Is your jaw any better? Are you sure you didn't fracture anything?

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    2. My jaw is still sore and I still have a hard time chewing. Just took out the stitches. I think I should probably see the dentist.

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    3. Might be a good idea. It's probably just going to take time but it's never a bad idea to make sure.

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  13. We have lived hand to mouth for most of our lives as has our daughter so at some point when we were both cash poor we decided that the adults did not have to exchange gifts and son, daughter, and I were relieved. now the grandkids are grown and have 'aged out' as well. we prefer just giving gifts when we come across something that we know the recipient wants or needs or will like. no more obligatory gifts. except for my sister. she refuses to stop giving me birthday and holiday gifts and so I reciprocate.

    it is a funny joke and I need more camellias.

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    1. And you're a good sister to just accept and go along with the gift-giving. It's probably not too hard to find her something you know she'd like, shopping together the way you two do.
      Glad you liked the joke. And we all need more camellias.

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  14. I'm glad you managed to de-stress your Holidays so as not to have distress. We have too, I sent Money to all Grandkids, since most of them are older now anyway and Money is always the right size and Color and none of them has ever complained, "Oh No, Cash again..." Those are some enormous Sweet Potatoes, I think the Vines of those are so Lovely and the Root Food is a Bonus to that.

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    1. Money is always perfect- you are right. And I like giving it to the grown kids. It makes me happy to think that maybe they will use it for something they've been wanting but haven't been able to buy.
      Sweet potato vines are pretty. That's one of the reasons I always let them grow.

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  15. I did laugh out loud at your Christmas card and your joke! LOL!! It is good to laugh nowadays!

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  16. I wish we could grow camellias in this climate! I tried but, disaster.
    I remember the serious discussions we had about xmas presents in this large, ever growing family, back in the days before we decided on gifts for kids under 16 only and my father in law made the case for at least chocolate truffles for adults.

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  17. I've just enjoyed that joke with my family, thank you!

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.