Thursday, August 30, 2018

It's The Small Things

At least a year ago I needed to wash the mattress cover on my bed due to some incident involving a grandchild which I can't begin to remember at this point and I discovered that the cover had a zipper which allowed you to remove the top part while the bottom part remained under the mattress.
I did not explain that very well.
But basically, the entire mattress is encased in this cover and it must be unzipped to be removed and zipped to put back on.
For some reason I thought that I had broken the zipper when I unzipped it. Of course I don't remember what that reason was either. I remember nothing these days.
So for at least the last year (and hell- it could be five years) I've not zipped the mattress cover but have merely tucked it as tightly as I could beneath the bottom, fitted sheet and that's worked semi-okay although every time I make the bed I've had to pull and re-tuck it because it would get loose and wrinkled.
I've thought about buying a new cover, of course, but because this cover is a Tempur-Pedic mattress cover made specifically for our Tempur-Pedic mattress, a new one costs approximately forty-four billion dollars.
Which is more than I wanted to pay.
Finally, today I thought- hell- maybe the zipper ISN'T broken. I should check!
But because it's been so long since the bottom part of the mattress cover came into play, it had gotten all scrunched under the mattress and a Tempur-Pedic mattress weighs approximately four-four billion pounds so I needed Mr. Moon's help in retrieving it so that I could check out the situation.
Luckily, Mr. Moon was here and he agreed to help me. We managed, working together, to get things situated properly and we placed the upper part of the mattress cover in its proper place and- you know what I'm going to say here, right?
Yeah. The zipper is fine.
Which means that our bed is going to be so much less wrinkly.
"This is going to make so much difference!" I said to my husband in exaltation.
"How much better can I sleep?" he asked.
And I laughed because if I slept any more than I do they'd be checking me for coma.
We love this bed so much and we didn't even buy it. Mr. Moon's sister gave it to us when she moved from Florida to Texas and it's probably the nicest gift anyone's ever given us.
So. That was a thing I did today.

Here's what's going on in Lloyd right now.

To all of you who are pleading and begging and praying for rain- I'm so sorry that we're getting it all this year. Every bit of it, I think.

Just thought I'd share that with you. This post has no pretensions of cohesiveness. Okay?

What else did I do today?
Oh, I washed rugs. Now if I'd taken the rugs to a river and lathered them up with homemade lye soap and then beat them on a rock and hung them out to dry on the branches of a cottonwood tree while keeping a wary eye out for marauding Apachees, that would be impressive. Since I only put them in the washer and dryer, it's not impressive at all.

I did clean my back porch fan because I noticed yesterday when Levon was trying to stick his fingers in it that it was filthy.
Let me just say that cleaning out a fan can make it work about 100% better. I got a dustpan full of nasty, black, greasy Lloyd dirt and dust out of it as well as one dried up, dead frog.
I am not making this up.

I found four eggs, one of which I can not ID so perhaps another hen is laying.

I, uh...what else DID I do? Swept a lot. Dusted a little. Oh! I took some trash and recycle which made me realize that if you have to change clothes to go take the trash, it may mean that you need to up your home wardrobe game.

Why does my husband ever come home? I swear, if I met him at the door wearing Saran Wrap, he'd mostly be thrilled because I was wearing something other than one of my raggedy ass dresses or a pair of overalls.

So yeah, to take the trash I changed out of a raggedy ass dress into a pair of overalls. I felt so presentable that I stopped in at the post office on my way home. No one was there but if there had been, I was ready.

Well, the rain has settled down and it's falling nice and steady. Trump hasn't been arrested or impeached but he sure is talking about impeachment and how the four horsemen of the Apocalypse would be released if that were to happen.


Worried much, oh ye Orange Fraud?

That's all I have to say for now. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

I hope you all sleep as well as I'm going to tonight on my wrinkle-free dreamy McDream bed.
But dear Lord, don't let me have the dreams I had last night. Bad enough I have to deal with my crazy in my waking hours. I sure don't need to deal with it in my sleep.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. I used to work at a medical supply store yeas ago and I had them special order a medical grade mattress cover for my bed. Even at cost it was ridiculously expensive but I figured it was a good investment. That cover has been peed on, pooped on, vomited on and bled on. You can hazard to guess which were done by me and which were my kids. Ah, hell I probably did all of it too. Damn influenza. Or drunkenness. Anyway, it washes up beautifully and has actually outlasted the mattress and is now on a new and different mattress. I am pretty sure it’s indestructible.

    As for clothes you should see what I am wearng today. I look hideous. The shirt has more stains than original colour. Granted I was painting but I actually wear this outfit a lot because I don’t want to ruin anymore of my already shitty clothing. Clothes have never been my thing so I try to wear stuff forever. Because if I have to buy new stuff I have to go to the goddamnedmall. I fucking hate the mall.

    1. Oh my! That sounds like one hell of a mattress cover! But it's paid for itself, I would say. This mattress cover is sort of soft on the top. Which is why a new one costs so much I guess.
      I try to get all my clothes at Goodwill. I'm classy like that. Unless I go crazy and buy something stupid expensive because I've fallen in love with it. It evens out.

  2. I try to have a straight up pajama day at least once per week, a day when I don't get out of the clothes I slept in, which is hard for me because my father once told me to not let my husband come home and find me the way he left me, which fucked with my head because my father was a feminist in all other ways, but this one comment. On my pajama days I announce to my husband that 'm not getting out of pjs today, and he will say, "that is between you and your father." Yeah, he couldn't care less. I bet Mr. Moon doesn't care either. Love.

    1. That must have been something that really bugged your father for some reason. I love what your husband says. He's a sweetie.
      Poor Mr. Moon. I have no idea if he cares or not. He's too polite to ever say.

  3. I need a new mattress altogether but they're so damn expensive! I'm just this minute waiting for a prescription to be filled for muscle relaxers to treat a shoulder/neck strain that I'm not sure isn't caused (or at least exacerbated by) my old lumpy mattress.

    I hope Trump is shaking in his shoes!

    1. Well, I gotta tell you- this mattress was worth every penny. The fact that none of those pennies were mine is of course rather important but I would gladly have paid for it myself if I'd known how wonderful it would be.
      Fuck Trump.

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  5. we also have a tempurpedic mattress, which I love, which we did buy and let me say that it has been the most expensive mattress we have ever bought by miles but I don't think our mattress cover unzips at the bottom. and I hate wrinkles in my mattress cover and sheets. I am the original princess and the pea. a little wrinkle feels like I'm sleeping on a ridge. and that sorry ass Trump...everything is fake except the words out of his mouth.

    1. Well, you know me and how much I love my clean sheets. I'm not exactly a princess and the pea woman but I sure do love my bed. It is a luxury I could probably live without but am so glad I don't have to.

  6. We had a "monsoon rain" today, too. Almost an inch in about half an hour, but only over a portion of the town. Weird how that happens down here, isn't it.

    1. Yep. It can be pouring rain here and dry as toast in town. Odd.

  7. We get that same oily black sticky covering every surface here, too. I it off cleaned the ceiling fan blades today and also cleaned the screened veranda by hosing it down. Just like with your fan, the cleaned screens sure do get more air circulating.

    1. Oh god. I should do that too. I blame our dirt and dust on the trains that go past so close to the house but it could just be the dirt. Or both.

  8. I like your zipper story. As for me at home, usually sweats but if I lived in Florida, in the heat and the humidity I'm guessing I would be wearing a very loose dress as well.

    On days the big guy works and I don't I sometimes don't get showered and dressed until just before he comes home. I've also discovered that I am the kind of woman that gets groceries and runs errands with my hair sticking straight up and wearing sweaty, stinky clothes. Not sure how that happened but I'm guessing it started with my children:)

    That is one hard downpour. When Trump is no longer in charge I plan on visiting Florida.

    Have a lovely day.

    1. You're still a more thoughtful wife than I am- I don't change before my husband gets home. Poor man.
      When you and Birdie visit Florida, try to do it in the fall or spring. Otherwise, you'll be miserable.

  9. Gaaah! I almost spit out my coffee when I read your line about Saran Wrap. It’s been my husband’s (sadly unfufilled) fondest wish that I would greet him at the door wrapped in Saran Wrap. And who first gave us that idea? Marabel Morgan, in “The Total Woman: How to Make Your Marriage Come Alive”! As time has ticked on, the sheer expense of ALL THOSE ROLLS of Saran Wrap I’d have to buy make this prospect unrealistic. That and common human decency.

    1. Marabel Fucking Morgan. Yeah. I'm sure her husband worshipped her.
      ALL THOSE ROLLS! Okay, that made ME laugh. And the part about common human decency.

  10. I've been reading your comments on other blogs for so long, I just had to stop by and say hello. I love how you write, and I love your stories. And... I hate Trump too!

    1. Hello, Robin! I'm so glad you stopped by and took the time to write. Feel welcome here any time.
      We are all united in hating Trump here, I think. Because we're smart.

  11. Another fascinating insight into ordinary American life. How come they didn't have this kind of trouble with mattress cover zips in "Dallas" or "Friends" or "Homeland"? And I don't remember Lucy in "I Love Lucy" wearing raggedy ass dresses though I must concede that Wilma Flintstone wore one.

    1. Haha! They might have done an episode on Friends about a troublesome mattress cover but Joey and Phoebe would have become stuck under a mattress. Which reminds me of a story told to me by a friend who was making very passionate love on a water bed...
      Okay. Not today.
      Yes! Wilma Flintstone is a fashion icon of mine.
      Loved this comment, Mr. P. Thank you.

  12. I like raggedy clothing. And overalls.

    A few days ago I asked my husband - over the phone - if he could recall what I was wearing that day when I left the house. Just in case I'd lose my mind and go missing or if there was a reason he'd have to identify me in a pile of rubble after an earthquake and of course he couldn't. Instead he got mad at me for imagining horror stories.

    1. Raggedy clothing and overalls are comfortable clothing.
      That is the way it is.
      My husband mostly leaves the house while I'm still in bed wearing my nightgown. Which I doubt he could identify anyway.
      How do we stop ourselves from imagining horror stories? Good Lord! I don't know what I'd think about if I didn't.

  13. I have a faded black sleeveless dress that I wear a lot in the summer at home. I know I look like my Italian peasant grandmother, but I don’t care.

  14. That is a LOT of rain. It looks fabulous, though.

    I think you should meet Mr. Moon at the door wearing Saran Wrap, just to see what happens. He might take you to Chattahoochee. :)


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