Thank you, Kathleen!
I woke up this morning feeling unmoored, drifting. What did I need to do? What did I need to accomplish? Who needed me, who depended on me, and what in hell should I be doing?
Slowly it came to me as I drank my coffee that really, the answers were nothing and no one and whatever I wanted.
How odd that felt for a moment and then I became quite cheerful which I have mostly been all day long.
When I went out to open the doors of the hen house and throw the chickens scratch, I noticed that the variegated ginger lily which Kathleen gave me had opened its bloom overnight and I was delighted. I just looked it up and I believe it is commonly called the Tahitian Flame. Isn't that lovely? My poor kitchen garden is not a kitchen garden at all. There is not enough sun there to support any sort of vegetables or herbs but the lilies seem to do well and so do the bananas which have grown to impressive heights this year with all of the rain, and I can't get rid of the 4 O'clocks no matter how hard I try.
Hank had invited me to come along for lunch today with him and with Rachel and our friend Dr. Anna who was leaving in a few hours with all of her belongings packed up in a U-haul to move to parts far away to teach at a university. I had thought I would not be going, that I wouldn't feel like leaving Lloyd. That I might be despondent but as the morning progressed, it became apparent that no, I was not in the least despondent but was in fact, quite happy to think about going to lunch with those people whom I love.
And so I did.
I'm so glad. I'm so glad I got to see Anna one more time before she left and Rachel brought me a birthday present, a pair of gorgeous dragonfly earrings from everyone's favorite shop, River Lily. I am quite certain that my Lis will want to arm wrestle me for them. They are just exquisite. They each have two parts which hang independently, which swing and move.
The back part alone would make a beautiful earring. Look at the detail there!
And here's what they look like together.
They delight my soul and my heart.
As does Rachel.
We all ate giant bowls of Pho with Thai basil and lime and jalapeno and mung bean sprouts and then we sat and talked for quite a long time. It was a sweet afternoon of noodle soup and company and that is hard to beat. When I went to hug Anna good-bye I said, "I already did the crying and I'm not going to do that again."
But I did a little.
I went to a Goodwill just a block or so down the road after we parted and despaired for real about the prices they're asking. There was quite a beautiful leather bag which could easily serve as an overnight satchel and I lusted after it but goddam! They wanted forty dollars for it! And it had quite a bit of wear and some staining so I left it behind.
Good luck, Goodwill!
When I came home I did a little leisurely laundry and I am quite certain that I'll not be doing a whole lot of that in the upcoming days. And I worked a little bit on Maggie's dress.
I love those buttons! They look like candy.
However, I cannot find either of my seam-rippers and let me tell you that after sewing three seams I already needed one. This says a lot about my sewing abilities these days, doesn't it?
Ah well. The truth is the truth.
I've been listening to How To Change Your Mind almost all day and I am enjoying it so much. Pollan is not only an excellent writer, he is also a very fine and capable journalist who does his research without stinting. I honestly thought that I knew quite a bit about the history of psychedelics but it turns out that I know almost nothing. It's an incredibly interesting story and it all gives me even more respect and awe for the powerful molecules to be found in the various substances which can cause such mind-opening experiences.
One of the things I've been thinking about today is how the Spanish priests did their very best to stop the use of the mushrooms which the people in the new world had known about and used in rituals and in healing for hundreds if not thousands of years. The experience of eating those mushrooms (and their cousins in both plant and lab-created forms) is almost universally powerful and spiritual with absolutely undeniable visions of our oneness with nature and the universe. Religion, on the other hand, seems ridiculously weak, man-created, and plain silly in comparison.
As Pollan said, ingesting the host and wine at Communion and believing in transubstantiation and its possible powers requires quite a bit of faith whereas eating what some indigenous people called "the flesh of the gods" takes you right there TO the source.
This would tend to make Christianity a hard sell, wouldn't it? How puny the message of the priests must have seemed when you've traversed the cosmos.
But you know- the Catholic Spaniards did what they did best and tortured people to give them details about the mushroom ceremonies and used that information to end them wherever possible which of course they could not do entirely.
I've thought about this all day in regard to the latest revelation about the church and what it did and did not do in Pennsylvania and how this happens in all religions where power is given to a few who are deemed holy and representative of god here on earth.
I've also been wondering how in the world it suddenly became common knowledge to the young kids in Winter Haven where I was living when I first ate psilocybin mushrooms at the age of eighteen that if we went out into cow pastures and picked mushrooms that grew out of cow shit and looked like toasted marshmallows and bled purple when you broke them, we would trip?
Good Lord! Who was the first bearer of this information?
I have no idea whatsoever. But we surely did trust the message and I am eternally grateful that I had the opportunity to eat some because they gave me knowledge and insight which helped me through a whole lot of horrendous stuff.
And that's not hippie bullshit either.
Okay. I do tend to wander when Mr. Moon is out of town and I have no time constraints.
I need to go put the chickabidees up and I guess I'll have some leftover corn chowder and foccacia that I made last night for my supper. I had soup for supper last night and soup for lunch today and I'll be happy to eat soup tonight. For my breakfast this morning I ate two of the pointy little eggs I've found in the nest and the yolks were as big as any hen could create and after they were cooked, they were as yellow as sunflowers.
I do truly believe that another of the things that mushrooms gave to me was an unbreakable connection with what we call nature which of course we are as much a part of as anything. As Pollan keeps saying- it all sounds so cliche but it's just what happens when we trip.
Much love...Ms. Moon