Thursday, August 9, 2018

I Am Here


Poke Berry. It's pretty, isn't it? 

I've had as low a day as I've had in a long time and I don't know why unless I triggered my own damn self with that post yesterday and of course that's possible or maybe I just miss Jessie and her family or maybe, as I feel, I really am a completely worthless person who is taking up space on this precious fragile watery rock of a planet we are hurtling through the universe on.

Well, whatever, we all have those days and I know it and I feel pretty certain that this doesn't indicate a long period of depression because I haven't had one of those in a long, long time and for that I am eternally grateful.


I did take a walk and instead of parking my car where I usually park it on White House Road I parked it at the end of a road that leads off of it- Farms Road- which I haven't walked in a long time because it's all uphill one way finishing off with a very steep grade that I've seen UPS trucks struggle with and I just can't in this heat. So I walked the uphill part for almost two miles before I turned around for the mostly easier downhill bits and it was beautiful and shady and it's not a paved road so in theory it should have been cooler but it was still a special sort of hell.


However it is a pretty road with yes, farms on it, and houses ranging in size and style from mini McMansions (but not many) to single wide trailers to what appears to me to be a handmade hippie house from back in the day to one place that screams Gracious Southern Living, set in acres of carefully tended wooded parklike grounds which is all nestled up to a peaceful and sizable pond which taunts and calls to me like a siren promising cool respite within its bosom.
Also. Swamps.


I have no doubt that alligators must lurk in some of these low-lying places although I did not see any today and if I never see any that will be fine with me. We've had so much rain that the ground is saturated and is holding the water and it makes for its own sort of beauty, doesn't it? 

I got home to find two hens on my back porch, waiting politely for me to show up and feed them some cat food. 


Darla and Dottie. 

I also had a message on my answering machine from my doctor's office telling me that my mammogram had come back normal. I really do appreciate their calling me in such a timely fashion. The radiology place said they'd be sending written results to me in two weeks which is a long damn time but the lady who did my own personal mammogram said that the doctor's office would be hearing from them in 2-3 business days but I still didn't expect any word until at least Monday. 
So. Boobs are good. 

And the rest of the day I mostly spent in a horizontal position. I watched another episode of Parts Unknown and I laid down on the bed and rested and read and then slept which is a completely unusual day for me. 

I did clean out the hen house and checked on Violet. She is as still as a held breath of lavender gray feathers, sitting on what I presume are eggs. I have to admit that I'm having a hard time not moving her to the chick box. We could move that whole bucket there and she'd be so close to water and feed. But I tell you what- she's got herself pretty well wedged in and hidden. Let's see how long I can stand to not interfere. It takes three weeks for the eggs to hatch once Mama starts sitting on them. I sure would like to get a few of Mick's babies. 

And, as far as I know, Trump wasn't arrested today and that's all I could give a shit about in political news right now. 
I know. That's awful. But it's the sad truth. 
For today at least. 

Let's see how tomorrow goes. 

Love...Ms. Moon







16 comments:

  1. So happy to hear that the mama chicken is doing her job and everything is hunky dorey. I think I have a diagnosis for you as concerns your bla day. TOO MUCH HEAT AND HUMIDITY! Maybe you and the young man that you live with should give a nice air conditioned movie theatre a whirl.....

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  2. Beautiful crepe myrtle blossom, too - one of my favorite ornamental trees. It was raining too hard for me to take the dogs for their normal run (well, slow jog is more like it) this morning. 4.6 inches for the day. But much cooler at 78F compared to the usual 90ish we've been having. Like you, I had a rather leisurely day that included a nap and reading.

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  3. I trust you have given Miss Violet her very own food and water in her brooding area......yes, I'm sure you have. They are quite the fierce mothers! You are not worthless.....you are just having a day where you feel spent, and that is OK. Glad your boobs are OK . ;-) . And your flowers there are to die for- a feast for eyes and soul
    Susan M

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  4. You are so far from worthless on our planet. Oh Mary you have no idea how you multiply the good in our world and the love. When you can’t feel that yourself, lean into this virtual space where for so many the days are made better just by your presence here. You are the real true deal. But yes, I bet you miss your Jessie and those babies made of light. That would make anyone a little low. Hugs.

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    1. So beautifully expressed and what I’m pretty sure most of us feel in relation to you. But I for one don’t have the gift of words that 37paddington does, so I’m cheating by tagging in on hers.

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  5. I hate that you sometimes feel worthless. You mean so much to your family. And you mean a lot to us that you share this blog with. I spend part of each day with you and will for as long as you let me. I hope this was a single shitty day and you are in better spirits soon. You do seem to have the self awareness you need to get through the bumps when they pop up which is hopefully helpful.

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  6. I hope tomorrow is a better day. I hate days like this.

    Don't believe everything you think.

    Sending hugs.

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  7. Mary, often when out walking I thank my lucky stars that there are no alligators around here. How is it you seem fearless? -Kate

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  8. I'm sorry you had such a low day with negative thoughts about yourself. You create such a positive energy with your Blog and Sharing your Family and Passions with so many of us who come to visit. Virtual Hugs and may this soon pass so you can feel better again.

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  9. I wish I had a pretty road like that to walk down. this heat would make anyone feel worthless.

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  10. Mary, you know I know. But I also know that we need more people like you on this planet. You are precious and valuable to me.

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  11. Do you see how respected and loved you are? It's not for nothing that that is so!

    I hope today is better and brighter for you. And also that you get some Mick descendents to add to the flock!

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  12. We love you Mary.
    We've all got a place on the dusty old rock, that includes you, me and that guy down the road from me who plays that terrible music at ungodly hours. I understand this, but I must admit that in some instances I have to wonder about the wisdom of the lord of all creation. In certain loud music situations I fear, “The lord of all creation has made a terrible mistake.” (Thanks Kurt Vonnegut, we miss you.)
    :)
    I'm betting Mick Chicks! If so they could not have a better mother(s), two of them, one human.

    Tom

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  13. Please see my comment on your previous post. You are a wonderful person. I'm glad Violet has been found, too.

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  14. I'm glad you're here and being able to read about your day always makes my day better.

    The more I read the more sense it makes that so much depression, emotion and anxiety is created by gut bacteria and inflammation. We think it's personal, but it's not, exactly. I messed myself up this week by taking two tiny doses of inulin fibre in conjunction with my period and spent a few days suffering the most hideous grief and self blame. It hurt with physical pain. As soon as I realised it might be that, it seemed to get better. But I forgot about it having that effect for some reason. I don't think it's not real, but it certainly amplifies or releases what's there...

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  15. I'm glad the mammogram turned out OK. Whew!

    Your walk along Farms Road sounds beautiful -- but hot. I love seeing all those swampy Florida pictures. (Well, I guess just one of them was swampy, really.)

    Oh, and as far as feeling worthless, let me just say to me you are one of the most valuable people on the planet!

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.