So. We all know that I have fear of all-things-medical to an extremely unhealthy degree. It's only gotten worse over the years and now extends even to getting an eye exam and I've put getting one off as long as I can but I know I need a new prescription and these glasses I'm wearing are so scratched that wearing them is a constant annoyance. So this morning I gathered my girded loins (not literally) and finally called the place I went to last time. I liked the doctor I saw there but I have forgotten his name.
Now, I KNOW I'm still in the records at this place because they call me routinely to tell me that I need to come in and get an eye exam although I never answer the phone and they leave messages. So. I figure that sure, they'll just be able to look me up and get me in to see that guy if he is indeed still with them.
So. As I said. I called.
I pretended to be a regular person calling for an eye exam and said my little spiel about needing one and wanting to see the doctor I'd seen before and forgetting his name and the lady who'd answered the phone said, "Just a moment please," and put me on hold where I was told repeatedly that my call was important to them, etc., with a snappy little song playing in the background and eventually someone answered and I gave my little spiel again and was put on hold again and then finally I heard the sound of a ringing telephone and eventually, the call was picked up but all I could hear was someone in the background sighing heavily and I finally said, "Hello!" and then there was a second of the snappy little song but before I could be told that my call was very important, the call ended to the sound of a busy signal.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
So. I hung up and called again and immediately and without the hassle of going through the whole being put on hold again, got the Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
What the fuck?
All right. I just called again and obviously, they are having a very hard time with calls this morning so I shall try again later.
Now. I wonder how long it will take me to call and arrange that colonoscopy and mammogram I'm supposed to be getting?
You know, I joke about all of this but honestly I am aware that this fear is extremely unhealthy, life-hindering, and takes up a great deal of my time and energy simply trying to deal with it.
I do understand that no one likes to go to the doctor (except for a few individuals who are insane in the opposite direction) but I'm pretty sure this avoidance and anxiety exceed the normal limits.
Aren't I special?
No. I am not. But I wish I were a little less fearful, a little more sensible, and a lot more able to simply do what one must do and accept that these things are a part of life and in fact, can save your life.
For now, at least.
As far as I know, Jim Morrison nailed it when he said that no one gets out of here alive.