Morning comes and as peaceful as it here, anxiety crawls up my belly like a snake, threatening to settle in my throat, cutting off all breath.
It is beautiful here this morning. A little traffic noise, but mostly bird song and a woodpecker, searching for his breakfast in the old oak by the railroad track.
There is nothing in this world I have to do today and yet, every small chore I have before me to do or not as I choose, seems to loom like a malevolent shadow and I feel paralyzed, a squirrel caught in the road, unsure of whether to run forwards or backwards, doom seeming to be unavoidable no matter which which one I choose, knowing though that a choice must be made, standing still not an option, not an option at all.
Just got a text. An old friend of my children's has died. Probably suicide. A gay man and he spent a lot of time in the high school years at my house. I remember once, he was obviously so stoned and I said, "Honey, do you want some orange juice?"
And he did.
He was a good boy. I am sure he was a good man.
The Buddhists say that all is suffering and that is what ties us together and maybe that's true.
I have absolutely no idea why that thought no more cheers me than the idea of Jesus hanging from a cross.
Here's what I will do today:
Tend chickens. Clean the hen house. Work in the garden. Hang clothes on the line. Make the bed.
Do what I can and keep on doing it, in the meantime, staying alive.
You too, okay? Whichever way you choose to run or stroll or roll or be, just keep doing it.
It's always hard times for someone. Hold out a hand if you see someone struggling. And most likely, everyone you come across is struggling in some silent painful way.
I love you.
Oh, no. Such terrible news. I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm not sure suffering is the thing that connects us all, so much as suffering is something we all experience. I like to think we have other, deeper connections, though! Love, maybe?ReplyDelete
I envy your ability to use words so beautifully. And I adore it too.ReplyDelete
Thank you Ms. Moon...I am having a hard day for no particular reason I can pinpoint.ReplyDelete
Suffering may tie all of us together but it is the suffering of others that causes most of mine. It hurts me so much to see others hurting in the deepest part of their souls. And I am powerless. Oh, how I hate that powerlessness.ReplyDelete
I've been crying again. An Ativan and a nap will let me escape for a time.
Amen to holding out your hand. kind souls doing just that at have saved me from total despair a time or two.ReplyDelete
I am sorry. I hope he found the peace he needed.ReplyDelete
Mary, CBD oil, here, is legal, labeled as a health supplement as it's under 3% THC. No need to worry about legality, and it seems to be giving people enormous peace while they keep taking it. Doesn't interfere with meds, at all, but seems to help people wean off when they want. The only issue is cost, and the fact that all oils are not made equal so dosage and brand can be a bit of trial and error. It seems the whole world is in need of cannabis in one form or another, as far as I can see.
yeah, that's where Buddhism and me part ways, same with Hinduism, that whole life is suffering thing. if life is suffering then life is also happiness/joy. life is both and everything in between.ReplyDelete
I needed this today in some odd way. Thank you. Love you.ReplyDelete
Amen, sister, we all are suffering in some way. Or so I see it. I just do what I can. My depression and anxiety have backed off a bit since I quit red meat and info on Commander Marmalade, the Cheeto in Chief. God bless us all.ReplyDelete
Your writing is so beautiful here. So crystal clear.ReplyDelete