Wednesday, February 11, 2015
The anxiety came back yesterday afternoon like a bolt from the sky. It just hit me smack upside the head, the body. By the time Mr. Moon got back last night I was curled up in a fetal position on the bed. He held me. I got out of the bed and found the two Ativan I've had stashed away for over a year and took one. Within a little while, I was okay. Not great. But okay.
He made us supper.
I went to sleep. I slept forever until it was time to get up.
It's the most beautiful day here. Do you see that sky?
I'm going to be okay. I am. I know it. Just writing this out I've cried a little and feel better for that.
The chickens are beautiful in the sun, their feathers are glossy, their combs bright red. They are making their morning noises, their happiness at being out, scratching for bird seed under the feeder. The little birds are twittering and darting around the feeder above them. The cat is in her jungle, stalking her wild beasts.
I have things I need to do. I have to get out into the world. I want to do these things. I want not to be a worry, a burden to my husband.
Well. Anyway. One step at a time. This is where I am today.
This is how it is some days. For whatever reason. Mercury, the moon, solar flares, haywired wiring.
I am a human and my imperfections are vast. The mysteries of the brain and heart are boundless.
Okay. Yes. Okay.