Sunday, September 25, 2022

A Fuck-It Day


It's been a day of free-form and floating anxiety here. Not a great day by any means. When Mr. Moon tried to gently talk to me about why I have such fear of going to the doctor while we were eating breakfast I cried. "It's just the way I am!" I said. And it is. But I know that somewhere in my childhood, something happened that I have blocked out. There is just no other explanation. And it had to have been early in my childhood.

I've tried to stay busy but it's been hard to pin my mind on a specific activity. I did a little of this. A little of that. Lisi's dress is finally all complete, velcro sewed on. I swept a few floors, I did a little laundry. I did two crossword puzzles. I checked the hurricane information sites which still show some disagreement on where the storm will hit Florida but not much, and also not much disagreement about what a powerful storm it will be. They keep tossing about the figure of a category 4 storm and here, let me give you the definition of that from the Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Wind Scale. 

4
(major)
130-156 mph
113-136 kt
209-251 km/h
Catastrophic damage will occur: Well-built framed homes can sustain severe damage with loss of most of the roof structure and/or some exterior walls. Most trees will be snapped or uprooted and power poles downed. Fallen trees and power poles will isolate residential areas. Power outages will last weeks to possibly months. Most of the area will be uninhabitable for weeks or months.

I really hope that they are wrong about the strength of Ian. 

I have a list to take to the store tomorrow after my appointment which includes things like peanut butter and self-rising flour and eggs. 
Yes. Eggs. It would appear that Gracie has shut down. I am not surprised. How odd to have to buy eggs. We do not have to worry overmuch about supplies as we should still have the ability to refrigerate our food with the generator. It's never really had a true test of its reliability yet. 
This could be that. 

I've probably been listening to the wrong book on top of everything else right now. 


I am not quite sure what to call this book. Is it a thriller? An indictment of the immigration system? Is it an example of cruel and ridiculous cultural appropriation? Is it, as one reviewer said, "Just very poorly written"? 
I will tell you one thing- it is NOT poorly written. That is simply not the truth. I cannot remember reading anything lately that has grabbed me so hard and so fast. 
Now. I have no idea if the accusations of it being non-representative of the migrant experience are true or not. Who am I to tell Latinx authors that their perception of the book is wrong?
Nobody, of course. 
But for the moment, at least, I am not going to let all of the criticism affect my own appreciation of the book. From the first chapter to the last (and I have only a few pages left to read), there have been no lags in my attention, no moment when I felt as if I could take a full breath. The characters are so believable and so well written that I feel as if I know them, would recognize them on the street. The feelings and actions of the mother/protagonist in the book ring especially true to me. 
I think the only other book I've ever read about the experience of immigrants from south of the US border was The Tortilla Curtain by T.C. Boyle and that book affected me so deeply that I've read it at least three times. 
I am ashamed that I know so little about what people go through who are so desperate to leave their own homes for as many reasons as there are people, that they put their lives in the utmost peril to do so. And I know just as little about what those lives are like if they do survive the journey and make it safely to the US. 
But I do know that as a white person who was born here, who has had every advantage known to womankind, I cannot imagine the reality nor can I ever even pretend to have a thousandth of the faith, perseverance, and strength of anyone who makes it across the border and manages to make a new life here does. 

Talk to you tomorrow. 

Love...Ms. Moon




42 comments:

  1. The closest I can come to that desperation is talking to my daughters about how their father treated them until I divorced him. At least I knew I had a job and money and a house and brothers who loved me and would fix what broke. But a baby on your back and one on your hip and the kindness of strangers or the evil of coyotes to get you to the destination--how awful it must be to even start.
    I would divorce this storm in a minute, if I could. I'll just keep worrying about you.

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    1. Yes. A mother knows what desperation is. In this book, the coyote was not an evil character but there was no nonsense about him. They charge so much money. I kept thinking about those truckloads of people they find dead. It's all so wrong.

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  2. I was rapt when you mentioned *Tortilla Curtain*, a book I've read twice and greatly affected me. In my top 10 list of all time favorites. I'll have to see if I can find *American Dirt*. Your impending storm....(if you want to call it that).......is disturbing...... I only hope the brunt misses you, but it *will* hit hard....and people will be affected. Keeping you in my heart tomorrow, I will anticipate the relief of your deep anxiety after your Doc visit is done with, when you can finally breathe easier
    Susan M

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    1. PS. If you have not yet read *Enrique's Journey* by Sonia Nazario, you would probably love it and I highly recommend it. Both awe inspiring and heartbreaking, along the same vein as the two books you mention..........
      Susan M

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    2. I will look for Enrique's Journey. Thank you. I think that you would very much like American Dirt, Susan.

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  3. I'm worried about friends in Florida, blog and rl and visiting. I want you all safe and no more than a bit damp.

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  4. First inclination is to bolt! Grab the chickens, the babies the youngins, and some sandwiches and head west a little bit, enough to get out of the way of Ian.

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    1. Have you seen the meme about evacuating?
      "Are you going to evacuate before the storm?"
      "Namaste." (Do you get it?)

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  5. I read that book about a year ago. It gripped me. I hadn't realized it had negative reviews. Here's hoping that Ian peters out!

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    1. Yes. There was a lot of kerfluffle. I don't care. It was an excellent book.

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  6. I do hope Ian changes his mind but it's not looking good. Do you have many homeless people where you live? They're the ones I always feel sorry for during weatherly occurrences.

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    1. Yes. We do have a large number of unhomed people. I think that there are agencies who find shelter for them. There are also shelters for those in less-than-adequate housing or people who are in the direct path.

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  7. I would be bolting if I could...

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    1. Oh, e. This evening it's looking a little more like it might hit in your area. I'm so sorry.

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  8. I'm reading a good book right now by Gabor Mate, "The Myth of Normal". It's about trauma and what it does to our bodies and our minds. I think you would like it.

    Take care woman and it'll all be over soon, the appointment and the hurricane.

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    1. Thank you, sweetheart. So glad to hear that Jack is back with you now! I'll check out that book.

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  9. We'll all be thinking of you until Ian fizzles out and hoping it's before your area is hit. And best of luck for tomorrow, that will soon be in your rearview mirror. Don't forget to breathe, you have much to be breathless about right now.

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    1. I keep taking deep, deep breaths today. I'm not sure it helped but at least I didn't pass out!

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  10. I wonder if Gracie has shut down because of the coming hurricane? Once that is over she may begin laying again. I also wonder if a hypnotist could help you unlock whatever happened so your fear of doctors can be eased.

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    1. I tried a hypnotist once but he creeped me out so much I never went back.

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  11. All fingers and toes crossed for you that Ian gives you a wide berth - well gives everyone a wide berth!

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    1. Thank you. There's just no way a storm that big in this area is not going to affect someone.

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  12. I so hope that Ian will miss you. I shall be thinking about you and checking how it is going for Florida. Good luck with the doc appointment.

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  13. Your response really makes me want to read "American Dirt".

    May I assure you that Ian is not that strong and besides he has had a sore elbow for a while from overdoing his workouts in the gym.

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    1. There may be more to Ian than you know, dear doting father!
      You should read that book. I'd like to know what you think of it.

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  14. Just popping in to say hello. I hope Ian misses you, or failing that, isn't all that bad of a storm. And I'm glad that your trip to the doctor will be over in a few hours. Take care. Hugs.

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  15. You and the rest of the family will certainly be in my thoughts this week. (And you for the doc visit today). Know Mr Moon will do what is he can to prepare the property for the storm. Pretty sure you'll be cooking this week. Stay safe.

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    1. I'm always cooking! We're sort of wavering here, waiting for a forecast that seems to be agreed upon. The uncertainty is always the worst.

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  16. I do not understand the hate some Americans have for migrants from south of the border. At the same time these people will complain about the low birth rate here, how the population is aging. And they completely forget the fact that every white person here is an immigrant or stems from an immigrant. I don't care how far back you can trace you family lines, and at least one of mine goes back to the late 1500s, we are all still immigrants.

    Here's hoping Ian sputters out some.

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    1. Amen on all of that. Damn but our species is a tribal group, isn't it? You would think though that the protection of our young would be foremost for all of us. Of course it's not though. Not at all.

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  17. Sitting with you today (Monday) during your doctor visit. Hope the Ativan helps.

    Chris from Boise

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  18. You know, since the initial cultural-appropriation kerfuffle when that book came out, I've heard nothing but good things about it. Everyone I've spoken to who's read it has really enjoyed it. I think I need to give it a go.

    Of course I hope the doctor goes well -- just keep in mind how much you like your doctor! -- and I hope Ian misses you too. (And Jacksonville and Tampa as well. I'm not sure where it would go, then, but that's what I'm hoping for.)

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    1. You should read it, Steve. I think you'd like it.
      I really do like my doctor and I just found out some stuff about him and his family that makes me love him even more.
      Ian is going to hit somewhere and we can count on that.

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  19. I read American Dirt, and was captivated by it. That's what matters, it's a novel, reflecting at least a portion of immigration realities. Any criticism is quibbling at best, and doesn't undo the power of the narrative.
    The other books by this author are likewise gripping, moving, un-put-down-able.
    After I finished American Dirt, my next stop was the bookstore to buy all if her 9ther books, knowing that I had loads of good reading ahead of me. That's my best test of any book, if it makes me need to read more by that author.

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    1. I absolutely agree with your assessment of the book and the reactions it's gotten. I think a lot of the problem was that the author got a huge advance and she's not Latinx, telling the story of her culture. But yes- I've heard her other books are good. Let me know what you think.

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    2. Mary, they were all great! Not light subject matter, any of them. All well researched and written and very readable.

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  20. I am glad that is noon there now so your appointment is done and you can relax with lunch. Hope all went well.
    Too many days to worry about the hurricane! You are well prepared and the weather forecasters may be wrong (they often are!)! Wishing you calmer days soon!

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    1. I had some delicious (not) Publix sushi for lunch. All appears to be well. Thank you, Ellen.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.