Monday, October 14, 2013

I'm Not At The Beach

My internet is running slow. My finger has an infection in it and is as sore and tender as hell. I am going to have to BUY eggs today.
I am not at the beach.

Wah, wah, wah.

The government is being held hostage by racist, reckless, ridiculous assholes. Why is Sarah Fucking Palin showing up at War Memorials? I don't understand how or why this is happening. I am scared.

I am not at the beach.

At the beach none of this matters.

Okay. That's a lie. Everything still matters but I don't care about any of it if I'm at the beach.
Well, I'd probably care about my finger.

It's the most beautiful day. I'm not at the beach. I'm going to go to Costco with Lily and the boys because I miss the boys too much not to see them today. They will have Christmas decorations at the Costco. I hate that. They will also have Halloween stuff.
That's fine.
I wonder if they have any fruitcakes yet. Not that I'd buy one because if I did, I'd eat it. I used to make fruitcakes and then I realized that Costco's fruitcake is better than the one I make so why bother? One Christmas May and I ate so much Costco fruitcake that Lily freaked out. May and I don't usually binge on things like that. But fruitcake is our crack.

My finger hurts. I hope it's not MRSA or the Vibrio Virus. I know it's not that flesh-eating heroin substitute. If I ever start taking serious dope, I'm not going to settle for anything but the real thing, baby. Uh-huh. I have always wanted to smoke opium in an opium den. That's on my bucket list.
Not really.
I don't have a bucket list. If I did, smoking opium in an opium den would be on it.

I'm going to town. I'm going to kiss my grandsons. I'm going to buy frozen berries.

I'm not at the beach but it's a beautiful day.

I wish I had some fruitcake.
Or opium.


  1. If opium had those colorful little dried fruits in it, it might be perfect.

  2. ... and if it were sold at Costco!

  3. welcome home dear mary. you are having a traveling year. it seems i am always saying to you welcome home, but i say it because i know no matter how sweet the travel, home is always sweeter. and those boys.

  4. I think that the beach will be in order for me soon too. I am finding that the whole budge thing is dulling my senses. It all seems like the prophecy of doomsday...over and over. And maybe it is. I hope that I get to meet you in the opium den if it really is doomsday.

  5. Umm, I'm gonna go ahead and rename it "fruitcrack." It's even fun to say. Fruitcrack.

    Sorry you're not on the beach and that your finger's screwed up... and that Sarah Palin is doing her thing.


  6. You know, fruitcake actually sounds good to me right about now. Fruitcake for the fruitcakes.

  7. My mom always tells me to soak my finger in baking soda.
    It's a beautiful day here, too xo

  8. Put opium in the fruitcake, I say.

  9. I just drug my husband to Costco Saturday, and it was much nicer than going alone. The samples were wonderful, and I was able to avoid seeing the Christmas decor.

    I'd go to an opium den with you, sounds like a great item for the bucket list. :)

  10. Lisa- And pecans. Gotta have a goodly measure of pecans.

    Sylvia- One never knows what one will find at the Costco. Wouldn't that be something?

    Angella- It HAS been a traveling year. And I yearn to go traveling again. To, know. Mexico.
    Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Heavy sigh.

    Syd- Hell, I'll CREATE an opium den. All we'll need is the opium.

    Nancy- Yes! Fruitcrack! Or...Crackcake! Either one would be appropriate.

    Elizabeth- It's so damn decadent.

    Maggie May- Hmmmm.....

    Jo- But where does one find opium? Perhaps I should go on the internet and try to find some of the poppies. I could probably find some and begin to grow them.

    Mel- Maybe I should just grow poppies, make opium and create an opium den. It's like a retirement career, right?

  11. Sucks when you have chickens but have to buy eggs. Chickens can be unreliable.

    I have had to disengage with the political craziness. Why haven't they been arrested for sedition.

  12. I'm sure opium dens were actually pretty filthy. I once smoked a joint that included opium and I can't say that it did anything for me. (At least, nothing I could distinguish from the joint itself.) This was LONG LONG LONG ago.

  13. Ellen Abbott- Truly. I wonder too.

    Steve Reed- Haha! We did a lot of things a LONG time ago, didn't we? I wonder if that joint really did have opium in it. There was a lot of mythology in the olden days concerning what we were and were not smoking or taking.


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