This Is A Mess And So Am I

Owen hit the ground running here this morning at 5:50 a.m. He was HERE at Mer Mer's and he was ready to do everything, every thing and we did, from feeding the chickens and petting the goats and bashing with the bamboo and putting together the alphabet puzzle and making towers with dominoes and smelling the spices (which always requires the grating of some nutmeg) to camping and playing ball on the stairs and running around my office for about a million laps with Gibson and me cheering him on and accompanying the frenzy with the enthusiastic shaking of maracas which I bought at a Goodwill a decade ago and which have proven to be the absolute best maracas ever made, at least when it comes to being unbreakable, if not to shake-sound quality. 

My god.
He even pooped on my potty which is a milestone hurdled, believe me.

He wanted to paint and as usual, he painted himself and my god, is this the most beautiful three-year-old child in the world?



Oh, humor me.

He made me a surprise birthday party (Merry Birthday, Mer Mer!) and brought me a cake that a chef made. A chef! And he decorated with balloons and ribbons. He told me.

He did everything. Every thing. 

And Gibson stood up by himself although when he realized it, he dropped down on his fat little bottom and he also walked along with the Walk Along.



All down the porch and back he went. He kept fighting sleep, that boy, and so he wanted me to hold him and I did for hours and hours but holding Gibson is such a joy because that face is right there for the kissing.

And while all this was going on, the Merry Birthdays and tower building and camping and kissing and hugging and running and bamboo-bashing, May was at the hospital with Mother who didn't really sleep last night and refused her meds and is convinced that we're all plotting against her and have her imprisoned against her will and won't eat. And May soothed her and got her to take her pills and walked with her and was patient and loving and talked to nurses and the woman at the assisted living and finally, Mother has been transported back their to their rehab place and I just hope with all of my heart that she goes back to being merely demented and not entirely insane.
May was my miracle today.
Not the first day she's been that, but today was the latest.

I don't know where this is all leading (well, of course I know where it's all leading- where everything inevitably leads eventually) but I do know that I am as worn out and exhausted as I have ever been in my entire life and that includes when Lily was a baby and didn't sleep for more than two hours at a time. When the boys left today I fell on the bed and went into a coma for an hour and now I'm going to make our supper and then I am going to go back to sleep and tomorrow the boys are coming back and goddam- this is just the way it goes.

How any of us makes it through this life is a fucking miracle. I'll just say that and let it be.

Love...Ms. Moon