Friday, December 30, 2011

My Heart. Oh, My Heart

There, there. The legs at the top left. They are hers. Very, very thin lady. I saw her walking to town today. She does everything so deliberately. So slowly. No wasted motion at all.
"Hola, Buenos Tardes," she said when she came in this afternoon.
"Hola, Buenos Tardes," I said.
Vergil and I were waiting on Mr. Moon and Jessie down by the motos to go to the grocery store.
"There is a story there," I whispered to Vergil.
"I think there is," he said.

We went to the mercado today and saw fishes and pieces of animals hanging from the ceiling and plastic ware and so many shoes. We got liquados y jugos de fruta. We met three men in the hot tub from London who were in Cozumel for two hours before flying out to Belize. They were British and droll as British people are. That tiny boy whom I have been heart-fluttering over for days got in the hot tub with us. He and his familia are from Mexico City. His eye-lashes are like black butterflies. He is trouble. I grabbed his toes and pretended to take them off. He put his feet back up in the water for me to get them again. His parents said that I could take him and the other two boys as well. They were joking. But they knew an abuela when they saw one.

We went to Mega which is like Walmart but it is in Spanish. We bought rum and cookies and more coffee and water. We drove home and the sun was setting and I began to cry again.

There was hot water for our showers tonight. We are going to town to meet Jessie and Vergil for dinner.

The bougainvillea is blooming as are the hibiscus.

How can I leave this place? I don't have to yet.

Thank god.


  1. She must be someone's mistress. Such jaded thoughts you are causing me to think. Actually, there really is nothing jaded about being a mistress. Except it must be lonely.

  2. Ah Ms Moon, you made me teary. I'm so happy you're so blissed out. It's infectous.

  3. I am dreaming of your warm days in Cozumel...that would feel so good right now for me...the cold (while I have a cold) is not very fun.

    Enjoy your trip and don't count the days.....

  4. I like those sunsets over the Gulf Stream. Wonderful!

  5. The very thin lady went to Cozumel many years ago with her lover and it became her home. They lived their lives and had their ups and downs but loved each other always. It was their dream one day to return to Cozumel where they knew such simple joy but busyness and financial constraints kept them from planning the date. And then he died. Many months later, she is still grieving and lonely but not filled with grief. She has his insurance settlement and nothing to hold her back so she revisits that place where they were once so happy. And while she is there she sees a couple - no longer in the first bloom of youth who have been there before and are seeing it again with the eyes of experience. She is thrilled for you - that you have returned while you are still a couple and are not forced to return alone with only memories.

    She probably would like to scratch your eyes out.

  6. Just keep staying in the moment.

  7. Rubye Jack- Is she lonely or is she in perfection? I have no idea. She gives no clue.

    Omgrrrl- I miss the babies too much never to leave. Dammit.

    Bethany- I am. Blissed out.

    Ellen- I am so sorry you have a cold. Some sopa de lima would cure you. Some rum would make you feel better.

    Syd- Completely magic.

    Jeannie- Years ago I started writing a novel here. It is about a woman whose husband had died...
    I wonder if I still have it somewhere. I wonder...

    Birdie- I am. Mostly. I swear.

  8. She is a mistress. She's in the crazy good part of it. That part can last a long time but eventually it crashes down around her. Oh my.

  9. I wouldn't want to leave either.

    I feel the same way about Savannah. I thought about moving there after the divorce, but I feared it wouldn't be as precious to me, if I lived there, surrounded by such beauty, every day. I feared a time I might come to take it for granted. That would be a crime. I mean that, too.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.