Wednesday, December 21, 2011

No, Really. Siri, Where Am I?

I got a pedicure. I figure I can paint my own damn fingernails. I always choose the same color. OPI's I'm Not Really A Waitress.

It's red. Dark, shiny red. It's like with eye shadow- if you're going to wear it, WEAR IT!

Plus, I really like the name.

I called Mr. Moon today and told him that I thought maybe I should get a bigger suitcase. Mine is just a tiny bit bigger than a carry-on and honestly, it's just not big enough for an extended vacation. "What about that suitcase of your mother's?" he asked me.
"Did we bring it home?" I asked.
And yes, we had and my husband even remembered where it was and it's awesome. An American Tourister and it has a yellow pom-pom on the handle, even. A homemade pom-pom. That may or may not stay attached. Not sure yet.
I really can't tell you how excited I am about that. Thanks, Mom! I will have room for my stuff.

I took care of Owen for a few hours today at his house. Lily set us up with the TV to watch Toy Story 3 and all was well until the screen got some message on it about the fact that things were about to end and I'd have to readjust the settings for the movie to continue.
And sure enough, the damn thing stopped and I had no idea what to do. None. There's another TV in Lily and Jason's room and Owen needed a nap. Believe me. And he didn't take to the idea of Mr. Peep and back-rubbing but said he'd lay down with me if we could watch a movie. Do you think I could figure that out either? Haha! No way. Owen got so frustrated with me.
"I can't do it, Owen. Mer doesn't know how to make it work."
"Maybe!" he said desperately. He was shoving DVD's in drawers, trying to show me how.
Lily called to check on us and told me how to play a DVD, which I did and Owen laid back and watched Franklin's Christmas or some such shit. Turtles do NOT walk around on two legs wearing their shells like a backpack. They just don't.
Whatever. I read a book and kissed Owen whenever he'd let me and Zeke cuddled up next to my leg. It was fine.
I made the mistake of telling him that Bop and I were going to get on an airplane and fly over the ocean to Mexico.
"Owen come?" he asked.
"No, just Bop and Mer," I said.
Oh boy. That was a mistake. There were tears galore. The promise of presents meant nothing to him. Nothing at all.
When Jason got home and it was time for me to go, I crept out feeling like the most inept grandmother in the world. I failed at technology, I failed at taking him to Mexico, I failed at everything.
He kissed and hugged me anyway.

And this is exactly why I need to go away. 
Look- I do not love with part of myself. I love with ALL of myself. I love that boy and my children so much that my soul can't keep up with it all. Does that make sense?
It's not work or living in a place I don't love that I need to get away from- it's the overwhelming sense of needing to be the best, best, BEST that I can be for these people.
I need to go somewhere where all I need to be is Mary who loves her man and who can spend hours doing nothing but watching the sky and the sea and waiting for the cooks to start grilling the damn garlic.

Who can wake up and say, "Where's my coffee?"
Who can say, "It's ten o'clock in the morning. I want my nap."
Who can say, "Look at the beautiful children."
And need to do nothing for any of them. Who can hold my husband's hand twenty-four hours a day if that's what I want.

Three more nights.

I'm cooking brown rice. Time to go tend it.

I'm not really a waitress. I want to wear silver. I want to be in a place where if you asked Siri where I could get a margarita, she might explode.

Three more nights and Cozumel is waiting for me.

Tomorrow I pack. Here we go. Yellow pom-poms and all.

Room for my clothes and my smooshed-up pillow and my make-up.

Jessie and Vergil- are you ready?

I am. I am so ready that the walls between my realities are shimmering like eye-shadow, like the doors between perception, like the air over the grill where garlic is cooking and the sun is setting and the Maya are speeding home in boats over the water like the gods of the sea they are.

Oh yeah. 


  1. A break will be so good for you Mary. We need to give love to ourselves also, but it can be kind of hard at times.

    I've used that same opi color a bunch of times. I have short little fingers but I figure if you're going to do it, do it well.

  2. Ugh. You don't get to go away even when you're a grandmother, not the mother?? It never ends?

    He's a sweet boy, he so is. And you are so right about needing to go be you.

  3. Rubye Jack- Amen, sister. Amen.

    Jo- That is correct. No, it never ends.

  4. Oh! Sweet Owen. Bless his heart indeed.But you need it. Take that grown up time and ask Siri where to get that margarita!

    Harry and I are going to Negril for New Years sans ninos. Every year we escape for some grown folks time and we only go to places that don't allow kids. HA!

  5. I don't remember what grown up time is.

  6. i really get that needing to stare at the wall, or better, the ocean, thing. sounds like heaven.

  7. I'm so jealous you are going on vacation! I am drowning in work, and Christmas will basically be a long weekend in Kentucky, with my ass reporting back to the office next Tuesday. Life is....busy. I'll miss u.

  8. It will be a great time. I hope that you will send photos on your blog. Those of us hanging here can live a bit vicariously through you.

  9. Having traveled with you, you will overpack.

    Franklin is a pussy.

    And I hope you wrap those red nails around every Margaretta you can possibly manage (and a few that you can't manage.)

    Soooooooooo happy you are off to Cozumel with the man you love.

    All will be well.

  10. I am so excited for you! and even though you felt inept today, you are far from that. Three more days? Heaven!

  11. Enjoy your time with Mr. Moon in Mexico, recharge those batteries, and have a great break. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Ms. Moon.

  12. I had to check in...I was so afraid I was going to miss telling you to have a great trip.

    For you his trip is not so much a luxury but a necessity. Go enjoy and find yourself.

  13. I am soooo ready for our trip, in the mental sense, but not at all in the planning-everything-out way. I think we've basically figured out how to get to the airport to get there, and that's about it. I've been thinking I need to get my hair cut and nails done too, but I think the fact that I don't even have a suitcase is a little more important than what color my nails are wearing. Or, maybe not. So no, we're not ready, but I'm not stressing. I'm just excited as can be. Can't wait to be there with my parents and my sweet man. oh yeah.

  14. Fly away young lovers. Being Mer-Mer, you have one of the few jobs where you cannot be easily replaced and forgotten. But still, Mer-Mer deserves a change of pace.
    The sun, the yellow suitcase, the margaritas shining in their glasses, red nails shimmering against the stems. Slip on out of those overalls. Slip out of the blue and into the yellow.

  15. You do need some Mer time, and man juice... Just be two small doves on an island. Owen will not love you less when you come back, au contraire... But you know that I am sure! 3 More nights!

  16. You will cherish this trip like all the others. With the packing, make your motto, "If I dont have it I dont need it." Plus if you didnt bring enough clothes you can always find someone to wash what you have or buy something new.
    You are an inspiration for when I may have grandkids one day (of course I started late so I will be much older). I have informed Hubs that I'd like to go to the islands (we too only go to very quiet islands, in fact, we go where no cruise ships can go) for C-mas and if it's OK with our kids, to visit them the weekend before or babysit for them while they go out for New Year's Eve. Hubs was agreeable.

  17. gradydoctor- One thing I do truly believe is that the parents' relationship is the most important one in the house. From that, springs all things. And that means that sometimes you gotta go be grownups and do grownup things with no little eyes around to watch. Yes!

    Stephanie- Honey, you never had a chance to find out. But it's something you can look forward to.

    Angella- Yes. And yes. That image is what is sustaining me.

    SJ- I plan to post while I'm gone. I probably won't read or comment too much on anyone else's blogs but I'll put up some pictures, at least. Now, as to vacations- you just HAD one! Oh wait. That's when you broke your foot and everything went to hell and life will never be the same again.
    Baby. YOU need a vacation.

    Syd- Will do, brother man.

    Omgrrrl- WHO overpacks? Yeah, I know.

    Kori- Howdy, Stranger! Thanks for coming by. We miss you.
    I know you must be the busiest woman in the world. I hope all is well.

    Mr. Shife- And to you as well. Thanks.

    Elizabeth- I'd be jealous of me.

    Mel's Way- It's either Cozumel or the mental health facility. I'd much rather go to Mexico.

    HoneyLuna- You don't have a suitcase? Just put everything in a pillowcase. That'll do. I AM SO EXCITED! You don't need nail polish. You are perfect as you are.
    Love you, darling.

    Denise- What perfect advice! Thank you. I'll take it!

    Photocat- Yes. Yes. Yes.

    Michele R- Sounds like a great plan. And we started going to Cozumel before the cruise ships did and fell in love with the island and there you go- we go back, even if the cruise ships are there. Besides, they always leave at night.

  18. Have a wonderful time. Love that nail polish. Love the name.

    It rained a lot for us but was still beautiful. The people were all wonderful. And life is good.

  19. That color reminds me of a 1957 Chevy that apple red that they don't paint cars with these days. Beauty! Go for the pedicure.

  20. Jeannie- Rain just means I get to spend more time in bed.

    Madame King- Yep. It's a gorgeous color and I'd paint a car with that fingernail polish, one tiny bottle at a time.

  21. I love that color. I have just bought myself a new dress that exact shade, and it makes me feel like Miss Scarlett in the conservatory with a martini.

    Have a wonderful time--be Mary all day and all night, and enjoy la vida luna! (And have a margarita for me!)


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