Saturday, September 18, 2021

Martini Mermaid Magic

So lately, I have been thinking so much about Roseland and about the Atlantic Ocean, which is the ocean of my childhood, and I have been missing both of those places so very, very much. I've been experiencing such a profound yearning for them, so strong that it has almost become a constant ache. 

And yet, due to the fact that just the thought of leaving Lloyd, my house, my chickens and my family causes me anxiety, I have done nothing to alleviate that ache, indulging my anxiety and allowing my discomfort at the thought of actually doing what it takes to get there to stop me from even asking my husband if he'd like to take a little trip down south before he heads up to Canada in a few weeks. I didn't want to talk about it because if I did, someone might say, "Well- what's stopping you?" and then I'd have to admit to myself that I'm such a stuck and anxious person, resolutely hanging on to what I perceive as comfort and safety. 

Until last night. 

And yes, martinis were involved. 

Buoyed on the waves of the martinis I let my yearning get the best of me and I shot an email to the man who bought my childhood dream place on the Sebastian River a few miles north of Vero Beach and who rents out the little cabana house by the lion pool by the river that I love so much to ask if he had any last-minute availabilities coming up. Almost immediately he answered, saying that he'd blocked out this whole next week because he and his husband are going on a cruise but that they would be thrilled for us to stay in the cabana house while they're gone. 

Oh. Holy. Fuck. 

Trembling, I went and asked my husband if he'd like to go to Roseland with me for a few days. And he said that he very much would. 

And so, we're leaving tomorrow and will stay until next Friday in the little house with the pink stove  

where I will cook us delicious meals and the fountain in the beautiful courtyard will sing for us

and where the lions will spit water into the pool faithfully and steadily

throughout the day and where I can sit on a dock and watch the sunset just a few hundred yards from where I sat and watched the sunset on my grandfather's dock so many years ago. 

Perhaps we will canoe or kayak down the river past the little islands where part of me still believes that Tarzan or perhaps dinosaurs and definitely pirate treasure can be found. 

And I can walk down the white sand roads 

that I walked as a child to find this place almost sixty years ago, abandoned, left to the jungle, as wild and mysterious to me as anything that Indiana Jones might have discovered.

I feel like I'm dreaming. 

And today I managed to do laundry, clean the hen house, make seven and a half more pints of pepper jelly, and begin packing. 

I will admit to you that I spent half the night awake, fretting and worrying and the other half having horrible anxiety dreams but dammit- we are going. 

So. See you from Roseland. And we shall surely visit the Atlantic so that I can hear its crash and roar, so much bolder than the Gulf which even after all these years living near, I still do not quite consider an actual ocean although I have truly come to love it. 

Oh my. 

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Thrilled that you are going to Roseland! And so impromptu........good for you both. THAT will be restorative..... so happy for you both. Enjoy every second of it
    Susan M

  2. I am a new reader and I am enjoying your blog so much. I have to tell you that I am so happy that you are going on your trip. It just sounded like something that would be wonderful for you.
    Enjoy. Hope it is restorative.

  3. Well now, good for you. Enjoy your trip and don't forget us..

  4. Oh, Mary! It was Kismet! All the pieces fell into place so you can go to your happy place. I recently have started succumbing to anxiety and it’s a bitch sometimes. I always thought I should just ‘get over it,’ but now I know it’s a bunch of crap. But YOU….you get to spend a few days with the bestest hubby and Bop in the world and just ‘be’. Enjoy sweet Mary.

  5. Oh joy! You did it, you made it so. See you in Roseland. What a beautiful courtyard!

  6. Yes, see you in Roseland, beautiful Roseland.

  7. So it's true ... you can go home again! What a treat for you and your hubby! Make sure you have your martini fixings!

  8. That's wonderful! It was obviously meant to happen.

  9. holy shite! the cards are in your favor, woman
    - go buy a lottery ticket and throw some craps! If you got on a scale I be tit would say 120 pounds with perky boobs and well fitting 501's. Lucky!! Have a fabulous little holiday, it looks absolutely perfect. Martini's are spirit food!

    1. i be tit- hahaha supposed to be I bet it but we can go with I be tit just as well.

  10. The best thing about this is that I know you will share lavishly with the rest of us poor souls who are not going to Roseland.

  11. How wonderful for you. It looks like a marvellous place. I wish I was going rather than starting jury service tomorrow ! I am so full of worries about how it will be and how I will cope with running the house while out all day, will I get there in time , maybe for several weeks. On the other hand they might just send me home after the first few days. It is the uncertainty that doesn't help with anxiety.
    Have a lovely time with your Mr. X

  12. Terrific! Serendipity. Enjoy every single moment.

    You NEED this.

    Safe travels.

  13. I'd say that worked out perfectly! See you there!!

  14. Dear Mary, what lucky happenstance! I know how much you love it down there. You and the Mr will have a really good time. x0x0 N2

  15. we talked about homesickness a little last night when we went out to the farmlands where tony sprung forth from. it's a real thing. looking forward to hearing about the trip!


  16. That sounds fabulous! Have a great time!

  17. Bravo! I'm so glad you're doing this. You deserve to get away to a place that you love, with someone you love. :)

  18. So very happy about this! Maybe you CAN go home again. And water has such a hold on our souls. Wonderful!

  19. well, yay for you! it was meant to be. and I would love to go there myself. maybe one day. and the Gulf is not an ocean.

  20. You should drink martinis more often - look what great ideas you get when you drink! Have a wonderful time!

  21. Enjoy your time there! It was clearly meant to be.


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