Today I have felt pregnant. Not with life but with sorrow and ennui, with sadness and some despair. I am heavy with all of it.
Just so heavy.
Everything and I do mean everything has just been too hard. Thinking about cleaning the chicks' bin or getting fresh water for the teenagers has been enough to make me want to cry. Just about one of the hardest things I've ever done was peeling a few over-ripe bananas and putting them in the freezer.
It's all just too much.
I know that tomorrow will be different. This is just one small day of sadness. I am sure of that. And I managed- I did manage to get up and do the things that needed doing. Mr. Moon and I opened up the little coop to let the ones in there flutter out when they were ready. For the longest time only five brave (smart?) ones made the leap.
Cleopatra was the first one out. By the end of the day, all nine were out and of course they have spent most of their time trying to figure out how to escape the coop and god knows they'll do it eventually, scaring me to death. And I just now remembered what it's like to get those critters back into the little coop for roosting and oh, how I do not want to do that.
Well. I didn't want to peel the bananas and put them in the freezer, either.
I gave the babies a fresh, clean bin with fresh, clean water and I cut them up some grapes and some greens and they devoured them.
Lily brought over a few groceries and prescriptions she'd gotten for us at Publix and she brought little Pepper. Mr. Moon had not yet met her and he was charmed. She's such a darling. And Lily says that Owen is being extremely responsible for her care, even getting up at six o'clock in the morning to take her out when she wakes him up. He's actually cleaned up her few accidents without being told to. I think that this small, joyful sprite of a dog is just what Owen needs now and I am so glad that they have her.
She loves her mommy and didn't even need to be on a leash in the yard but stayed close to Lily the whole time, sniffing and snuffling around. Lily sent us this picture when they were on the way home.
The bebe was worn out.
I really don't think she's going to get too big. She's delicate and her feet aren't those giant paws that you see on puppies and think, "Oh boy." But of course only time will tell.
So seeing Lily and Pepper was cheering but nothing else has really made me smile. I haven't been able to think today, either. I mean, even worse than usual. This morning I was searching the refrigerator for the little bowl of hard-boiled eggs that I knew was in there and finally I had to ask Glen to look. They were literally right in front of my nose.
I did manage to go out and finish weeding a part of the yard between the gate and the sidewalk but it was a sort of practically effortless kind of weeding. But. You know. I did that.
Hank and Rachel called and they are in good spirits, it would seem. Hank who is obviously not working at his regular gig of being a Trivia Master in bars is selling trivia packets online and people are buying them to do with their friends online. He has created some for his regulars and some for Girl Scouts! He's working on educational ones too. He says that no matter what happens, this could well be something he can do after all of this is over and I'm proud of him. Not only is he very smart, he is also very creative. And he and Rachel are getting along so sweetly and their cats are keeping them entertained. It was good to hear their voices.
Meanwhile, Mr. Moon worked hard in the garden today, planting cucumbers and flowers. He also built a trellis for his beans to run up.
He says that I can pick the ones on the fence and he will pick the ones on the tall trellis. I love that he used some of our bamboo. He is a man who can DO things. And he does.
I have nothing else to say. I've almost gotten through this hard day and I feel guilty saying that because any difficulty has come from my own outlook. But. Just as I am not judging others on how they are coping with these things, I am trying not to judge myself. And honestly, it's not really the day-to-day business of life that is difficult. I'm not bored. We have plenty to eat. I have beloved friends and family to reach out to. I have a co-quarantiner whom I love to talk to, to hug, to hold and
be helped by. I have life all around me to tend and to watch grow. No. It's not the day-to-day so much as it is the uncertainty of it all. Will my loved ones stay safe? Will the stores keep having food? And what will the world look like when this has become not an emergency situation but a problem we have a good handle on? Will there be such a time?
I think so. I really do. And as a guy named Adrian Cozumel said today on his post, "Don't lose your sanity."
Things are much more buttoned down there. It is such a small island and there are so many people living cheek-to-jowl. The military is making sure that people keep the rules of isolation and although that sounds completely antithetical to what we in the US believe, it is absolutely imperative for them. They only have a few small hospitals with a very limited amount of supplies and staff. They have to do what they have to do.
And they are doing it. And because they are used to doing without, used to sharing what they have, they will absolutely make it through this time of no tourists and no income.
And you know what?
We will make it through too.
Here I go to make some shrimp and grits. Bacon and cheese will be involved.
I wish I could hug every one of you deep and hard, heart-to-heart. Have I said this before? Well, bears repeating.