Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Not Feeling Too Optimistic

When I come to that sign on my walk I have completed one mile. When I'm walking on White House road, that is. Here's the funny thing- I've never seen a child on this road, even though I have been alerted to watch for them.
Yeah. Not really that funny.

I want to thank everyone who shared their birth experiences here. I will answer each comment. They all tear at my heart and make me remember how it used to be. I do think things have changed but some of the changes are not for the good. For one thing, there is entirely too much reliance on dates and on sonograms to determine when a baby "should" be born and there is an emphasis on being "overdue" that is, I feel, not very helpful. Why we continue to want to put every mother and child into a graph of what is normal and not normal is beyond me and in doing this, we create a lot of what I consider to be mostly unwarranted worry not only concerning dates but also weight. Once again, so very many doctors are reluctant to trust that most women can give birth to larger babies and warning women that their babies are becoming "too big" leads directly to a great many births being induced with hormones and drugs that are not truly proven safe when with a little time and patience and trust in the process, the problems that induction can cause are eliminated.
When I had Hank, the doctor told me after the birth that honestly, he did not think I would have been capable of delivering him and that he had been thinking that I would need a C-section. That if I had come to the hospital when I was "supposed" to, I would have indeed had one. So those long, long hours of labor that I went through allowed my body to do what my body was meant to do- to shift, to adjust, to open and to allow me to push that baby out.
And Hank wasn't a huge baby. Eight pounds something? I can't remember.
The doctor didn't tell me that it was a good thing I'd stayed at home for the labor and thus prevented surgery, I think he was just a little bit stunned that I'd been able to do what I'd done but of course he wasn't happy that I'd done it. I'd proven nothing to him. The difference in having a C-section and in giving birth vaginally probably didn't mean squat to him but to a woman, it's a huge difference. For one thing, yeah, it's major surgery and thus carries risks that vaginal delivery does not. Also, that being my first birth, I never would have been able to have my subsequent babies vaginally as the trend then was to have all C-sections after the first. This is still the philosophy of many doctors.
So. In a lot of ways, not going to the hospital early on changed my life and the life of my family.
I'm so grateful that Cesareans are available for women who need them and sometimes they definitely do but certainly not as often as they are performed.

Okay. I'll stop talking about this for now.

Speaking of lady parts...
I can't believe it but one of my orchids is blooming. For years I've been saying that my orchids never die nor do they bloom. But this one has two flowers on it and I am a bit amazed. 

I really don't have much to say today. The daily events in Washington never cease to anger me, enrage me, baffle me, and it seems that lately they have been occurring at what one of my grandchildren might call super speed. This whole executive power thing is unbelievable. The information that Trump was literally America's biggest loser of income for a decade is another. Iran? Are we going to go to war with Iran? The news that Trump and Cohen managed to get rid of dirty pictures of Jerry Falwell, Jr., thus ensuring the evangelical vote. Does Congress really have the right NOT to impeach this president? Isn't it like a cop, sworn to duty who witnesses a crime? And it's not just what Trump and his people are doing, it's the fact that his supporters still adore his motherfucking ass. Yeah, that's the worst part. That's the part I'll never understand. Or get over.
And let's not even talk about another school shooting. Or the fact that a woman can get the death penalty in Georgia for abortion. 
It's all too much. It's all too fucking much. 

I'm overwhelmed. 
And it's hot. And I'm not handling my own life very well. 

So it goes, so it goes. 

Perhaps I need to be patient with the process. That all will unfold as it should...eventually. 
Even if that means we humans fuck up the planet so badly that all life as we know it ceases. 
Yes. That would be the extreme case. 
I have no doubt it could happen. 
Lately I have little trust that it won't. 

Later, kids. 

Love...Ms. Moon 


  1. I have nothing to add to birth stories, but I feel you so much on the trainwreck going in our government and in the culture of today's America. It's horrifying and infuriating and baffling all at once. And average people are so ANGRY. All the time. It's no wonder--this presidency is pushing everyone's stress levels through the roof. All I can say is we have to try to look out for each other as best we can.

    I hope you feel better tomorrow, sweet Mary. If I could I give you a great big hug right now.

  2. The state of affairs in this country is like a triggering slap in the face for me multiple times a day. Every day. And there are millions of idiots out there thinking this jackass is the second coming of christ when in fact there have been so many souls sold to the devil in all of this it is mind boggling.

  3. I'm just glad that childbirth is being discussed....... no, it hasn't come as far as it needs to, but at least it is in the forefront currently and any discourse is good. Everything else sucks, pretty much......and is way too depressing. I want to bury my head in a pillow at times. white phaelenopsis orchid, that got mangled beyond belief in our big earthquake 10 years ago....(yes, I've been tending to it and pampering fit or 10 years) blooming too! Yippee! It is similar to yours........white....with lavender undertones. My 10 years has paid has your TLC. Small things bring great joy
    Susan M

  4. And my orchid that has bloomed every March for the last ten years has not bloomed this year. Perhaps its mojo went to Lloyd this year, and if so, I'm pleased. You need to smile soon.

  5. An obstetrician delivered my son at the last moment. He said if he had met earlier I would have had a C-section, because my baby was so big. My son was 9lbs and he was my smallest baby. So much for that theory.

    I liked seeing Megan Markle this morning in a nice outfit, still looking pregnant because women still look pregnant after they give birth, for the most part. Good on her.

    I don't know how republicans can look at themselves in the mirror and not feel ashamed.

  6. Your summary of daily events really outlines so starkly what a cluster fuck we're in. And I just want to say you never need to stop talking about anything on your mind. I want to hear it. I learn so much from you. You keep it so real.

  7. I agree with you one hundred percent about the shitshow in our country. It seems we will never learn when it comes ro shootings and lack of gun control. I think we've taken individualism to an extreme and now, no kid is truly safe when they go to school. Your orchid blooms are lovely.

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  9. The news is paralyzing when it isn't making us apoplectic --

  10. I have the impression that Trump could get away with just about anything because so many of his supporters have lost their moral compasses. He is a liar, a tax evader, a failed businessman, a bully, a draft dodger, a misogynist, a sex pest, a racist, a pretender and a climate change denier. You may be able to add other items to this list. How on earth can such a man be The President of the USA? He makes George W. Bush look like Jesus of Nazareth.

  11. oh Mary, I have no hope for this country. it's done. and humans in general are so stupid and greedy that they prefer to destroy the planet rather than alter their behavior. sometimes I think our grandchildren will be the last generation.

  12. I too would have had a section if I hadn't had an independent midwife rescue me at the 11th hour. I am ever grateful.

  13. Your orchid is beautiful! I don't pretend to understand why they bloom when they do. Ours are a complete mystery. All I know is to water them once a week or so but never, never let them stand in water. And as a result, they bloom!

    Yes, the Washington situation is f*cked. (As is the London situation.) I have basically stopped talking about current events. I just can't stand it.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.