Tuesday, May 14, 2019

From The Annals Of Aging

It's been a slightly unusual day.
First off, I had to go get my teeth cleaned and we all know how much I love going to any sort of medical appointment. I don't usually get too stressed about these every-six month appointments. Knock wood but except for one rather major problem I had with a tooth a few years ago, I am generally found to be fine in the dental department.
So why worry at all?
Also, I made the mistake of accepting a friend request from my dental hygienist (I've discussed this before) and well, let's just say that it would be best for all concerned not to discuss either politics OR religion with her and I don't. We talk about our kids and our grandkids and that's fine and sensible because she has sharp and pointy objects which she uses in my mouth.
So all went well there and then I drove over to Mr. Moon's office where he helped me sign up for Medicare.
Ooh boy.
You know what that means, don't you?
It means that in two months I'm turning sixty-five years old and that's blowing my mind. I know this is exactly the wrong attitude but it's sort of embarrassing to be sixty-five. I mean, in our culture. How in the world have I allowed myself to get this old? It almost seems that if I had tried hard enough, done the right exercises- especially yoga of course, eaten a pure and non-toxic diet with a heavy emphasis on raw foods, drunk sufficient quantities of green tea instead of vodka, meditated, used the right cosmetics, stayed out of the sun, and of course mostly HAD THE RIGHT ATTITUDE! I never would have had to suffer the indignity of turning such an advanced age. I could have stayed right there in the middle of my forties, my favorite decade, or even in my fifties which wasn't that bad either, come to think about it.
Of course, DEATH would have prevented all of this too but that's another subject and I'm not feeling especially suicidal today.
You know what I hate? I hate it when people say really stupid shit like, "Seventy is the new forty!"
No it fucking is not.
I'm not seventy yet but I can already tell you that it's going to hurt more when I am than now and everything hurts so much more now than it did when I was forty that there's no way I could confuse the two ages.
Plus, I was hot, hot, HOT at forty.
I really was.
Not as hot as this lady.

Who is eighty-three years old! I was never as beautiful as she is and I'm surely not getting any closer now. 
Go google "beautiful older women". First of all, about seventy percent of the women pictured are Helen Mirren. 
Secondly, a great many of these "older women" are like in their forties or fifties. 
So, to be considered beautiful even in our older years, we still have to be thin. 
You know why I used to be thin? 
Because I obsessed about it. My entire life. I spent way too much time dealing with diet and exercise and denying myself foods that I loved up until a few years ago at which point I just lost interest in all of that. 
I still exercise and I am active and I try to eat a pretty good diet and I think I do but I have given up my eternal vigilance in the matter and I'm paying for it by becoming someone I don't want to see in my mirror.
But guess what? 
Cheese is awesome. 

Anyway, what in the hell was I talking about? 
Oh yeah. Today. 
So it isn't that hard to sign up for Medicare. I promise. But please don't think that you can just sign up for that program and never have to worry about paying medical costs again once you get your card.
That would be folly. 
Nope. You have to get SUPPLEMENTAL insurance to cover what Medicare won't. 
Haha! Surprise! 

Anyway, I signed up so the process has been set in motion. 

And then I took myself to lunch and that was so disappointing. I won't go into it except to say that why some restaurants manage to survive for decades despite horribly mediocre food is proof that Americans really don't care what they eat. 

As you can probably tell, I am in a better place today than I was yesterday. At least I have been since I got out of the dentist's office clutching my little bag with tiny tubes of toothpaste, tiny plastic dispensers of dental floss and a new regular-sized toothbrush and especially after the half of an Ativan I had taken earlier really kicked in. 

Also? I went to Goodwill and the polyester trend seems to continue but I did get eight beautiful snowy white linen napkins which I am sure were never used. I'll use them. You can bet on that. 

Oh! Do you like that magnolia in the picture up top? Isn't it gorgeous? Isn't it just magnificent? I think it is. Also, it's blooming in my very own yard. 

You know what the best thing about getting your teeth cleaned is? You don't have to feel guilty about not flossing that night. 
Well, I don't anyway. 
It's the little things, people. 
And cheese. Always cheese.
Trust me. 

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. You are beyond cool. I don't care that you aren't skinny. Big can be beautiful. Take your space in the world and claim it. And, enjoy your cheese.

  2. You make me think of my mother, who occasionally said "Well, at least I'm not lost between the sheets!" You are a good eater, which must be restated to you eat good. You know what I mean. Cheese is good. Butter is good. I've spent forty years telling my doctor "I eat butter. Deal with it." And now the research has come around, and I can say to her, "Yes, I eat butter. I read that it's good for me."

  3. You are every bit as beautiful as the woman in that photo, and to my eye even more so. I know you don't see it so just trust me on this, okay? I'm glad today was better for you. I think you've been wrestling with chemistry, the internal kind. And cheese is the food of the gods. It is the one food I will never forgo. So be it

  4. OMG, yes the Medicare and supplemental.....ugh. Went through that last year and was greatly disillusioned to *try* to accept that I was THAT age. I don't look anything like that gorgeous 80 something year old beautiful woman . either.....but you know, you are beautiful as you are and your assets are beyond the skin deep. Keep reminding yourself of all that your lovely self has achieved......
    And only half an Ativan? I would have needed (and do) a whole one!
    Susan M

  5. You're beautiful and your age is just right for the fabulous woman you are! And life's to be enjoyed, we're all going to grow old and our bodies will wear out no matter what we do, so we may as well have some good cheese and wine and a few laughs along the way. That's my philosophy anyway.

  6. This made me smile. I'm glad you're feeling better.

  7. the magnolia is beautiful and that woman is beautiful. Exceptional, mind you. Impossible bar set way too high. I have had tome to relax into age, and really, it's not half bad. Not yet, though I can see that a few more years and the tread on the old tire is going to fail. So it goes...

  8. I signed up for Social Security last Week and it went smoother than I thought, given I'm still raising a Child, which most Seniors aren't... but that also meant she will come with a Check too, yay! I don't like going to the Dentist even tho' I've never had any Dental horror stories of my own, it's just always WAY too expensive, with not having Dental Insurance, and even if you've taken decent care of your Teeth.

  9. I am 67 in a couple of months and to quote Cher Getting old sucks. Mind my neighbour is 97 and full of beans. I did the Keith Richards live fast die young method of living No! it didn't work for me either. I have joined you in the eating what ya want club. You rock anyway. Love Maggi

  10. Re. your hygienist -- it IS possible to know too much about a person, isn't it? It's probably best not to friend professional acquaintances. As you basically said.

    Medicare is a good thing, but it's kind of silly that people have to rejigger all their health coverage just because they reach a certain age. Another reason for socialized medicine!

    1. I agree Steve... Socialized Medicine works well to level the playing field for most who otherwise could not afford decent Care or the ridiculous co-pays and premiums charged to the average citizens. My Mum was European and always Wondered why America didn't implement it like so many other forward thinking Countries have?

  11. you know what being a senior means? doing what the FUCK you want! Yay! all that clean living just gets you here (although for some people unclean living works too). now you get to live. I was thrilled to sign up for Medicare and the supplemental. first time in my life I had ever had health insurance. too bad it doesn't come with dental which I just don't understand since bad teeth equates into bad health. my teeth are a mess due to an accident at 16. my mouthful of dental work is old old and needs to be addressed but who can afford it? I'm probably still considered skinny though I weigh more now than I ever have in my life. just my genetics and metabolism.

  12. Did you sign up for the drug program? Even if you don't need it now, they fine you for life if you don't do it. Bastards.

  13. Aging is totally overrated. All things that cannot be avoided are. What are we supposed to do when stuff is inevitable?
    You get on with life so beautifully, Mary. Don't let it get to you.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.