Saturday, April 24, 2010

Not A Cult




Listen- I speak of the whole "gratefulness" thing with disdain sometimes. Probably because Oprah can take a good thing and turn it into a cult.
But some days, when I have had a time of deep doubt and anxiousness, and I wake up and my heart and soul are so uncluttered that I can look around me and be completely and honestly grateful, I am not the tiniest bit disdainful.
Gratefulness is not a cult. It is not a religion. It is not a cure or something to sell products (gratefulness journal, anyone?) with.
It simply is.
Some days it simply is.
And here I am, on a Saturday morning and I am grateful. My heart and soul are good. I can look and see and feel...grateful.
For a husband who washes the dishes and plants the garden in very straight rows:

And oh, those potatoes are going to be good.

For the tiny peas



which come from blooms that look like this (should be rated R, don't you think?)

For the great, magnificent magnolia whose leaves are turning tattered and rusty-looking but who are making new candles from which will spring new leaves

and will then blossom forth with flowers appropriate to the size and grandness of the tree.

For the roses which are continuing to bloom and bud like I've never seen before


And for the crazy begonias I grow which come in such various sizes and shapes and colors in my yard.







And for the love of friends and my irreplaceable, amazing, lovely family.

And for opening up my e-mail to find notes from people I've met here. Such sweet, loving notes.

And even for my old dog Pearl who is gazing at that light but not ready to go off into it. Not while she has a beloved boy to take care of.



And for all of it. Just fucking all of it.

That's it.

For today.

That's it.

Quietly, completely grateful.

21 comments:

  1. I just looked on the feedjit thing you have and it says I am from Oakley; I am nowhere NEAR Oakley, it's like 40 miles from here! Wierdness.

    I hope some of your gratitude rubs off on me because I am just not feeling it today. But I am glad you are!

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  2. Kori- I don't trust that feedjit thing. It's like a toy or something. Whatever.
    And because I am so rarely just purely grateful, I have to acknowledge the days I am.

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  3. I like your gratitude. I feel it purely most days and my heart sings. Today I am conjuring up some gratitude as best I can.

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  4. Good for you.

    And you don't need Oprah's cult... you have your very own! TCOTBSC!!!

    Hallelujah and amen.

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  5. I feel grateful when I get all my work caught up. I'm at the point where possessions are becoming a burden. But I am grateful for my family and friends always. Especially when they put up with my crap and general lack of nurturing.

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  6. Beautiful! I'm grateful to have found your blog. You have made my days better ever since.

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  7. Me, too! Grateful for you, Mary Moon =o) and for getting to share your happiness in this day and your beguiling begonia's. Grateful for my fried egg sandwich with one of LC's chicken poopy eggs, for our sunny CA day bringin out the best in my garden for the Baby Coming Out Garden Party tomorrow and for the confluence of friends who will be there. More on that later. Love for Now. x0 N2

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  8. yay for being grateful.

    yeah and feedjit thinks i'm in canada. wierd. well why not, whatever...

    this morning i went to the market and there were a billion new plants and new trees waiting to be bought and it was almost like a petshop, walking by, when you see these little things - little tomato plants, aubergines, melons, waiting for you, waiting to be fed and watered and cared for.

    I resisted, and am going to buy old seed varieties instead, by mail order, because I'm leftie bourgoise scum...but it was nice anyway.

    i dont think i ever felt this way about plants before I had kids.

    ???!!!

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  9. BEAUTIFUL photos! i love spring (:

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  10. Yes to gratitude, that open, humbling, expansive awareness that hangs out so close to wonder, a good path to my favorite: magic!

    A.

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  11. Nicol- I know you get it.

    Syd- I think you do that every day.

    Ms. Fleur- I saw a bumper sticker today which said, "Religions are just cults with more members." I do not want to be a cult OR a religion. I just want to be grateful.

    Jeannie- I can relate, dear.

    E. - And that makes me very happy.

    N2- Pictures!

    Screamish- Ah. I get it.
    My plants ARE my babies now. Well, except that Owen is a real baby.

    CMe- Yes. And you will be a bride. Ah...beautiful.

    Anonymous- Magic is every time I turn on the tap and water pours forth.

    Steph- And you, too, dear woman.

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  12. I have been reading and loving all your posts, but have not had energy to comment. Struggling with my own abyss. You help me everyday though, just by being here. I love to come read you and see you and pull up a chair here. Thank you for that, for such consistancy and sweetness. I am glad you're feeling better today. I gasped at your garden and peas. I have no planted mine yet and was going back and forth thinking maybe I'd skip them this year, but then saw your photos...
    I LOVE your Begonias. I have a begonia fascination, esp those swirly leaved ones. So impressed. Lucky you.
    Lucky me for finding you.

    Course the Pearl photo and words choked me up.

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  13. You struck a chord with me on this one. "Gratitude is an Attitude" Bah. Grumble, grumble. And yet, sometimes. like you, I feel it. But because it is so cliche it is hard to think of expressing it. You did it well.

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  14. I'm pretty sure you should do a post just on that Magnolia..........lots and lots of photos of that Magnolia. IT's my favorite tree, ya know?~!

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  15. Bethany- I have been missing you, girl! I almost e-mailed you today. And guess what? My damn chickens pulled up half my peas through the fence today. ARRRGGGHHHH! And aren't begonias awesome? I think so.

    Rebecca- And when it blooms, I probably will.

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  16. A wonderful post on gratitude. Yes I agree, things just ARE. No need to analyse or justify.

    The photos were nice, I am a little envious you have such a large estate that enables you to grow such lovely things.

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  17. Sandra- Seems odd to me to try and force that feeling.

    Findon- Well, not exactly an estate. But a few acres and I love them.

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  18. amen.

    can i get a witness for the rock of ages? I wikk rock my soul in the bosom of gratefulness.

    xxalainaxx

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  19. Thank you for the photos of your garden....once more inspiring...I need to get out and start feeling the dirt! Get my own garden going...

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