Let There Be Light

It's not quite six o'clock in the morning and the fat moon is setting and the sun not yet rising. The water pat-pat-pats off the leaves because we got more rain last night. It's obscenely cool for April 28th here. Down in the sixties, maybe fifties outside.

I'm waiting for Owen.

His daddy got an extra shift today and so did I and I'm glad of it. Things have been tough for me these past few days and I'm looking at having to make the decision to go back on the antidepressant and I need to not be a baby about it and just do it if that's what I need.

I know I've said this before but perhaps not only is my brain not evolved to live and function in the world we live in now, my expiration date is probably up anyway. Now by that I mean that I was always an incredibly fertile woman and if not for modern forms of birth control, I probably would have been one of those women who had a passel of babies and besides that, my uterus always bled more than was necessary or healthy after I gave birth and I imagine that I most likely would have died in childbirth having my seventh or eighth or fourteenth child if I'd lived even a hundred years ago. Maybe I'm like a disposable flashlight which somehow has managed to hang on for waaaay longer than I was built to last and look- the batteries- they are getting funky.
Or something like that.
Who knows? and you know what I say- NOT ME.

Anyway, out of politeness I really don't want to talk so much about me (really- can you believe that?) because it's getting old and tired and is reaching the point of discourtesy. I'd much rather talk about Owen who will be here soon in his pajamas, smiling and saying, Hey Grandmother! in his own Owen way, despite the early hour. How can a heart be sad with him around? How can a brain not do its very best when a grandchild is in your care?

I'd also like to give a shout-out to one of the city commissioners over there in Tallahassee who, in a forum discussing extending equal rights to all citizens of Leon County in employment and housing, (and they are focusing on the LGBT citizens here because their rights are not in place) made a statement about homosexual church people who were committing acts of child molestation and other acts."
Mr. Proctor- you have no idea what you're talking about and until you do you need to shut your ignorant hateful mouth.
And oh yes, Mr. Proctor is also an associate pastor at a local church.
The article in the paper this morning said that many of the people who spoke against the rights-change held Bibles in their hands and I'd like to say that I'm sick and tired of people using that book as a rationalization for their own completely irrational ignorance and hatred.
Read the damn thing, people. Jesus didn't say one thing about homosexuals.

Well, it's a crazy world and I'm a crazy woman in it. But things do change. They do. As Leonard Pitts pointed out in an excellent column this week, it is always PEOPLE who change things, and some of them do it with words and music and some of them do it with marching and protesting and some of them do it with quiet, sweet words and some of them do it with loud, booming voices and some of them do it with being exactly who they are.
We have to try.

And that exploded oil well in the Gulf of Mexico is pumping thousands of gallons of oil into the sweet, blue-green water as we speak and it's a fine time for a brain to go crazy, seems quite rational to me but I do have to live in this world and if I can't figure out how to do that au natural, bareback, so to speak, I'll have to take the drugs that rescramble my brains but for now, today, I'm just waiting for Owen and it's crazy cool and the sun will be coming up soon and we are all doing the very best we can.

And here he is, Owen, helping me type this, saying, Hurry up! Let's go play!

And so we shall.