Friday, April 30, 2010

Just A Song

Elizabeth gave us this beautiful post today with a video of one of my very favorite songs and she talked about being sad and I felt that tug of my heart because well, I've been so sad too lately. Sad and angry and afraid. Boxed in too tight by a cold, hard frame of fear but even last night I could feel my heart rise up out of it all.

It was a tiny miracle and I came home from the Opera House where this rising had occurred and I told Mr. Moon, "I feel better." And I kissed him and he knew I was his wife again, not some cornered trembling thing he had no idea what to do with, how to help.

I ate my supper, I watched some TV, I laughed at Tina Fey. I cleaned up the kitchen, made the coffee, made Mr. Moon's lunch and got this morning's smoothie ready and went to bed and I slept like I haven't slept in so long and when I woke up, I knew things were going to be better.
Instead of laying there, dreading to get up, dreading to take on the day, my life, I made plans.
Simple plans, but plans- go buy Kahlua for one of the cakes I'm making. Make the cakes (I'm going to make two and I'm doing that because I WANT to) and maybe go through my closet and put away the cashmere and get out the cotton and linen.

And I got up and took my camera and walked down the street and took a picture of the amazing roses blooming at a neighbor's house.

And then I went to Elizabeth's blog and I listened to Jimi Hendrix and I read her words and I was reminded of the night my friend David brought me the Jason Mraz CD and played me Beautiful Mess and how I sat in the hallway with him that night, that cold November night, and I cried because somehow, without knowing a thing, David had brought me the perfect song. I was just coming out of that horrible time when I'd gone completely insane, crossed the border of it, and was just able to see the light again and I cried like a child who thinks she has lost her mother but who has found her again and the relief along with the realization that mothers (and minds) can be lost washes together in a river of emotions and the child cries with it all.

So here. I am giving you this video. I think I've probably posted it before but it's worth seeing, listening to more than once. If you've got the time. If you know what it means to be a beautiful mess. If you've crossed that border and wandered around with absolutely no idea how to get back to where the light shines and you know it's there, that shining light but no path seems to lead you back and then suddenly, there it is- isn't it? Maybe? Yes. I think.

And the relief is so pure and the gratefulness is so profound and the box of fear you've been in loosens and lets your heart leap a bit again- if you know what this is like, listen to the song.
It might remind you that when you were wandering around that country of crazy you weren't alone there.

And that's all for now.

Happy Friday, y'all.
Love...Ms. Moon


  1. I have that cd, and Beautiful Mess is my favorite song on there. I'm so glad that you are feeling better!

  2. Thank you so much for sharing that video. I am going to have to listen to it again tonight when I can turn it up as loud as I want and really hear it. I'm glad you are feeling better too and I know you made the right decision about going back on the meds. Enjoy your day. Those cakes sound delicious!

  3. Wandering around the country of crazy isn't much fun. Glad that you are back to the light. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Welcome back. Thanks for the song :)

  5. SO VERY GLAD things are starting to swing up for you.

    I love you, my Mary Moon!

  6. While Jason Mraz makes my teeth hurt and I actually turn the radio OFF when he comes on, I am glad you found him for YOU. And am glad to hear that the spirit is lighter.

    And because I am a comment whore or something like that, I have to tell you that I have BEEN posting (three times this week!) but I got hacked AGAIN and it isn't showing up in anyone's readers. Just so you know.

  7. I'm so glad to hear this. So very glad.

  8. Why, thank you Ms. Moon. That something I've said or written can travel over the country and come out here, there -- it's a wonder to me, always. I love this video -- I'd never heard him before. Beautiful.

  9. Oh dear Ms. Moon, I am so very happy to hear that you are doing better. Thank you for sharing this song with me.

  10. Good morning! Wait..its 3pm! I'm all messed up because I slept til NOON :) Ahhh. Blissful.

    Glad you are feeling better.

  11. I really like Jason Mraz! So it was a treat to be able to watch this and also the Jimi Hendrix one which I enjoyed just as well...songs play so much into our lives as though we are sharing it with the lyric song writer who knows us, wrote it for us...
    I do hope some sun is shining your way and helping you...
    The photo of those lovely pink flowers...thank you!
    I can't wait to hear about the cakes...Kahlua...mmmmmm....

  12. Glad things are looking brighter.

  13. my daughter listens to Jason Mraz , dare I say , ad nauseam (sp)

    but this song, this song slays a soul.

  14. I LOVE Jason Mraz. I once thought of this song after reading something in one of your earlier posts (over a month ago.) I can't remember what it was but I almost commented to tell you about the song. Glad you already enjoy it!

    Kori, you might like some of his less commercially popular songs. I really love him, but I get sick of hearing the ones they continuously play on the radio and I start to hate them too.

  15. That is such good news, I'm so happy and relieved for you.

    I've had too many crazy mess's in my life for one reason or another. Always managed to pull up and out of it by the skin of my teeth, and in retrospect realise that I had gained a minute measure of strength each time that helped me through the next time.

    I'm a tough old lady now that lives a fairly peaceful life, and only in reading about others troubles do I really realise how far I've come, thanks for sharing.

    That song speaks to me so beautifully, thanks for that, I've never heard it before, its now added to my favourites....

  16. I want that moment now as well - I feel better. So glad you are there. I don't want to have to wait for another three months.

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