Monday, May 13, 2024

Water And The Memory Of Water And How Time Flows Like A River


Glen and I picked beans in the rain today. It began to rain early on and is supposed to rain far into tomorrow with possible storms this evening. This is not good news for the many people who got hit hard by one or more of the tornados last Friday. There are so many houses that still have trees on them, roofs leaking, with no power. Entire neighborhoods just devastated. And I feel like I'm in a different country entirely. A country where yes, it's raining, but my roof is tight and my power is on and if it should go out, we have that fabulous generator. I keep saying this and I may have already said it here but we did not lose so much as a branch in that storm. 
Tom's trailer is...well. Let's just say that all of his things are going to shit as we speak. A piano, a TV, books...all of it. There's too much damage to just throw a tarp over it all. And the part of the roof that's still intact isn't very intact and Glen's been worried that it's just going to fall in at any moment. 
Which it could. 

He's been focusing on helping Tom out of this predicament since Saturday morning. I think he may have found two different tiny houses or small trailers that could be moved onto the property fairly quickly. But until then, for the moment at least, Tom is here. I guess he finally realized that he cannot stay in that trailer another night. I will tell you honestly that this is not an ideal solution for any of us but for now, it is what it is. He absolutely cannot stay in that trailer and although he is not happy with the option of staying here, I guess it's the best one he's got for now. 

The rain is coming down pretty hard and because we've had so much of it in the last months (except for that week or so of none), it doesn't bring with it the feeling of blessed relief that it usually does. It has cooled things off but everything is cloaked in what might as well be a gray veil and the air feels heavy and thick. I'm glad we got those beans picked and that they're already in their jars, ready for next winter, and I'm glad that Tom's here, dry and safe. 

Billy sent me a picture today that was taken I don't know how many years ago. 


And when I say he sent me a picture, I mean he sent a photograph in the mail. That was taken in our house, in the dining room and those two beautiful older people (probably about the same age then that I am now) were Billy's beloved grandparents, Nell, and Billy, Sr. I loved them so much. They were the most loving people you can imagine, taking in anyone who was a friend of Billy's, loving them too. Nell asked me to do the honors at her funeral, and I did, when that time came. 
And that guy on the left? That's my baby brother Russell who used to come and stay with us sometimes, whom we loved and who loved us. And I haven't seen him since my mother died eleven years ago. 
I cried when I saw the picture. I cried because MawMaw and PawPaw are gone, those beautiful, sweet people, and because my brother might as well be. He does not want to see me and it all stems from my mother's will and as I texted Billy, "Fucked-up family shit."
The sins of the father...
And so forth. 
And selfishly, I also cried because of how much I have aged in the last decades. I wish I'd known how lovely I was then. Glen looks about the same to me, ever Mr. Moon, ever my handsome man. 

And so that is heavy on me today too and now the rain is slapping the earth as if punishing it and I need to get in the kitchen and make our supper. 


Pizza! I'm making pizza tonight! That's cheerful, right? 
Here's something else that's cheerful.



That's a pretty little plate that Jessie made in the pottery class she's been taking. She gave it to me for Mother's Day. It is SO Jessie. And I love it.

Let us feel sad when we feel sad and let us, at the same time, rejoice in that which is good. 
If we can. If we possibly can.

Love...Ms. Moon

38 comments:

  1. We can always rejoice in that which is good, Mary. It sometimes takes a bit of an effort but the day we cannot is the day we may as well turn our faces to the wall and give up on life. And don't you dare do that.
    I know what you mean about looking at past photos. I wasted so much time in my youth wishing I was prettier, slimmer, etc and I was all those things.
    A melancholy post but a thought provoking one. Thank you, my friend.

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  2. That's so wise. Be sad when we're sad, be happy when we're happy. That photo must have released so many tears, for many reasons. Families, who can fathom them?

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    1. Who CAN fathom families? There are the ones you're born in and the ones that come about simply through love. The ones who say, "Come on in! Give me a kiss, honey. Are you hungry? I just made some gumbo! You want a beer? Billy, get this girl a beer."

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  3. 37paddington: Tom is fortunate to have friends concerned for his welfare and able to help solve the logistics too. Mr. Moon is such a can-do man; the kind of man whose presence and purposefulness makes one feel rooted and safe. I’m sorry about your brother. We had estrangement in our family too based on my husband’s parents’ will. It is such a painful thing, to lose people who are still in the world. Families are tricky, man. And you look lovely in that picture and lovely now. But I know the grief of aging, I’ve been feeling it intensely of late, and I wish I had more acceptance. Getting older is a privilege after all. Let’s work on this acceptance thing together, okay? I love you.

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    1. Tom is fortunate to have Glen. Not me. I am not nearly as kind and loving as Glen is. Not to mention his ability to problem solve and his persistence.

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  4. Look at that rain coursing through your yard. I hope some is sinking in and replenishing your reservoir.

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    1. I'm sure some of it did. It went away fast.

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  5. The first thing I thought when I saw that photo was that you still look the same!

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    1. You have not seen a picture of me in years, though.

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  6. Families...I always envied people with uncomplicated family relationships. As I aged, I discovered that I really don't know anyone with uncomplicated family relationships. Some just cover a bit better than the rest of us.

    You and Jessie look an awful lot alike. You were lovely. You are lovely still.

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    1. I used to look just like May and Jessie has favored me some. I just look like a random old fat woman now though.
      I wonder sometimes if families were really such a good idea.

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  7. You were lovely then and you are lovely now, aging does not take that away, and aging is far better than not being here at all, right?
    I hope the rain eases off and a solution is found that Tom can accept. shame about his piano and books though.

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    1. You know, a lot of people say that- that aging is better than the alternative but speaking as someone who suffers from depression, that does not always bring a lot of comfort.
      The rain has passed, I think, but I am pretty sure that most of Tom's things are past saving.

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  8. Families, don't even get me started. I'm feeling the same lately and I don't know if it's me or my family. Of course I always blame myself.

    Sending hugs Mary.

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    1. Mothers always blame themselves. Of course. That's what we do.

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  9. You are a dish, Mary- always will be , can't escape the curse of beauty! So sorry about your brother- that is very sad- I miss my brother so much- he is dead. We had an awkward relationship and he squabbled over money and fairness all of that twaddle. We made up of course because blood is thicker , they say. And our memories of growing up together were valuable to the heart. One day you will make up with your brother when the time is right.

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    1. No, Linda Sue. I am not. I am not microscopically pretty anymore. Have you seen any pictures of me lately? No. And there's a reason. I can't bear it.
      I have THREE brothers with whom I am in very poor touch with. And they are not very often in touch with each other, either. Our family...
      Well. It was broken a long, long time ago.

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  10. I am sorry about your brother. We haven't had a drop here yet. I hope Tom will be okay.

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    1. Has any of the rain gotten to you yet?

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    2. A little bit earlier today that's it

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  11. “Let us feel sad when we feel sad and let us, at the same time, rejoice in that which is good. If we can. If we possibly can.”

    This statement is wonderful and shows so much understanding and depth of character. Thanks for this!

    You were and still are a beauty. I love the mischievous expression on your face.

    The Jesse plate is a keeper. That would be prominently displayed in our house and used on special occassions (as often as possible).

    Sad about your brother. I haven’t spoken to my brother-in-law since late 2016 after my mother died. The will!

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    1. Oh yes. The will. Let's see- how can I guarantee that my children will all end up hating each other? The WILL!
      I looked all around to see where I could put Jessie's plate and right now, it is in the cabinet where I will reach for it many times a day.
      Mitchell- is it just me or have you cut off comments? I cant see any. If you have cut them off, I respect that but I hope you bring them back.

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    2. Well, that’s bizarre. I’m still receiving comments and they display for me. I’ll look into it and see if there‘s something I can do.

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  12. I feel so so sorry for everyone affected by rain damage! Unless you know an area really well I'm not sure you can know if it's a good idea to buy in a certain place. And oddly enough the same regions get hit by fire outbreaks every year - but sadly a lot of that is arson! Nature can be vile sometimes can't it!

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    1. So many people live in places that they were born and raised in and can't imagine leaving. It's not really a choice for them. And almost every place has some sort of horrific natural events. Florida just seems to have an overabundance of them.

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  13. Also, Jessie's plate is a thing of beauty! And so special to be made for you by her own hands.

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  14. I love the plate Jesse made, a treasure for sure. You are so beautiful then and now. I, like you, say I wish I knew how good lookin I was back in the day! I said to my husband a few months ago, Lord I was so good lookin when I was young. He said you still are -- for your age. Bless his heart.
    And bless your hearts for helping Tom. When my husband's cousin showed up at our door years ago I told him he could stay as long as he wanted. Turns out it was 19 years.... (He's not living in our home now)
    Sending you lots of love and hugs.
    Patricia

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    1. Yes. Bless your husband's heart. Honestly, "for your age" is one of my least favorite phrases.
      There is NO WAY I'd let anyone stay with us for nineteen years. You are a much better person than me.

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  15. What a beautiful surprise, to get that picture in the mail -- even if it was bittersweet. I swear, I do not know where time goes anymore. I was thinking the other day that I have lived in London for 13 years, which is longer than I've lived anywhere else aside from Pasco County, and I was a kid then so it barely counts. It's such a shame you and your brother have this rift.

    Jessie's plate is beautiful! You are so generous to take in Tom. I hope he can find better housing in time to save some of his possessions.

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    1. I've lived in this house longer than I've lived in one place (even in one town) in my whole life. Twenty years.
      Glen is the generous one. Trust me. And I don't think that many, if any, of Tom's things are salvageable.

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  16. Oh, I'm sorry you and your brother haven't been in contact. My second son doesn't really want to have anything to do with his siblings and we don't quite know why. They were all so close when they were kids. I have to go visit him if I want to see him as he won't make the trip down to me. But I did hear from him on Mother's Day so I was glad about that.
    I'm glad you are helping out Tom and hope Mr. Moon gets him settled soon. What a good friend he is.

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    1. There are always "feelings" in families, aren't there? I'm sorry your son is like that. I'm sure he has his reasons but they may not make sense to anyone else.

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  17. oh, rain. wish we would get some. north and east of us has been getting hammered with lots of flooding. big storms move through and rain on everyone but us. big storm yesterday, dark dark sky, high wind, lightning and thunder, heavy rain in the small town 15 minutes down the road and in Houston. radar showed us in the red and orange. we got maybe 5 minutes of sprinkle.

    I never considered myself to be pretty when I was young, striking maybe. now I'm old and wrinkled, that's my genetics and youth spent in the sun and I look back and see pictures of my youthful self and I think, I was pretty good looking.

    your Mr Moon is an awesome man and friend. you aren't so bad either.

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    1. Our garden cart was half filled up again. Crazy! But it is so humid.
      We were all beautiful when we were young. Youth has its own beauty, doesn't it?
      Mr. Moon is the good friend. Me? Not so much.

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  18. Great picture. Where does the time go? And each new year seems to go by faster! Jessie made a lovely plate for you. Family complications are never ending. I've grown to accept them and believe they resolve if they are meant to resolve. Looks like you've got a temporary live-in friend. Getting him out of a trailer that is open to the weather was important. That said, the tiny house solution sounds like a good long-term solution.

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    1. I'm more of the opinion that complications have a much better chance of being resolved if people want them to be. It seems like my brothers and I have just about given up. I think our family was broken when we were very, very young and I'm not sure it can be repaired.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.