Saturday, May 4, 2024

Souls Can Sag Just Like Skin And Flesh


Yes, yes. It's the time of year when photos of baskets with vegetables in them will be even more prominent here at Bless Our Hearts than during the winter. At least they'll mostly be different vegetables. As you can see, I'm still picking kale. I refuse to buy lettuce of any type while we've still got greens to make salad of. That's the first squash picked of the season and as to the green beans- well, that is Day Two of the Great Green Bean Season. I got more today than I did yesterday. My plan is to get out the pressure canner and just leave it out on the stove because I'm going to be canning some green beans. I suppose I'll pickle some of them too but the few pints I canned at the end of last summer were incredibly delicious and a real treat in winter. 
A real treat. 
Dear god. Who AM I? Someone writing an article for the church newsletter about the joys of Jello salad? 
Well, whatthefuckever. Those beans were really good and I doubt I've ever had better canned beans. 
The ones we ate last night with scrubbed baby potatoes were fantastic. Sometimes I wonder why we go to all this effort to grow vegetables and then can or pickle them, but then I go to the store and buy some of their "fresh" vegetables and there's just no comparison. 

I went back out this afternoon to finish up my weeding. We were supposed to maybe, possibly, get some rain this afternoon but it did not show up. And not another drop shows up on the ten-day forecast. So weird after we got all that rain and everything flooded. It's dry as Satan's tongue around here right now. Anyway, I got the rest of the weeds pulled. Mr. Moon's out there right now digging up a rotten fence post I think. Both of the posts that hold the gate need replacing. And he's bought hog wire (yes, that's a thing) to make tomato cages because some of the tomatoes are already getting too big for plain old store-bought cages and staking them isn't what he wants to do. 

I also finished pulling up a big old clump of border grass in the front yard. And then that was enough for me and outdoor work today. 

So last night at 8:04 I got a text from Owen saying, "I am having fun." 

Nothing could have made me happier. 
Today I sent him a text asking if last night was really good and if he had danced. He responded, "I did dance and it was a lot of fun."
So hurray! 

And those are the things that have made me happy today. Which is a lot. But overall, I'm having a bit of a rough patch. It's not horrible by any means, but I'm still having a hard time getting up in the morning and feeling as if I have the motivation to keep on with it all. I know that's ridiculous. I have so much richness in my life, even within the small scale in which I live it. And I have so much love around me and within me, both for the people I adore and for the place where I live. But honestly, the radius of my safety zone is becoming smaller and smaller and that can't be good.

I'm not sure what I need to do to break out of this cycle and sometimes I think that it's all fine. Just because I thought that by this age I'd know myself and have figured it all out, it doesn't make it so. 

And that has been another eye-opening lesson in older age. We may get wiser as we get older due to experience but we do not necessarily get smarter or more adept at acceptance. We just don't. 

Well. There will be more tomorrow, I'm sure. And until then, there is this. 


Liz's butterfly. That is the window in my laundry room which is one of my favorite places in the house. The trim of the room and the stained glass in the window made by my darling Lynn and the butterfly all carry the same colors as does the picture that Lily painted me. The light is not right to show the picture but it is beautiful and I love it. The sun which shines into the window almost all day illuminates the butterfly as if she was made to go there. 

And perhaps she was. 

Thank you, Liz. 

Love...Ms. Moon


27 comments:

  1. I'm so glad Owen had fun! It's hard to believe he's so grown up.

    Our beans are climbing the trellis we put up for them and I cannot WAIT to try them! We got some good rain today and I'm sure that will help hurry them along.

    Also, I feel like I might survive this illness I've caught. Today has been better than yesterday. Thanks for checking on me. xx

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    1. I'm so glad you're feeling a little better. I hope that today has brought even more back-to-normalcy.
      Girl- I just picked another basket of beans. That's three days in a row. I'm going to have to get the canner out sooner rather than later.

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  2. As I remember from Laura's dances, not so many years ago, all the kids just slipped out onto the dance floor and danced, no partner necessary. I hope Owen had some of the same.
    Your corner of charm is blooming, there in the laundry room.

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    1. I'll have to ask Owen if they actually asked people to dance or whether they just danced all together. My girlfriends and I used to do that well up into our forties. Ah. Those were the days.
      I do love my laundry room with my Glen-made folding table.

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  3. I must say that you are much better at self-analysis than I am. I just drift along, hoping for the best and trying to avoid situations that might bring me down. I am glad to hear that Owen had a fun time at the dance. He really does sound like a very sweet boy.

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    1. Well, I always say that if the unexamined life is not worth living, then my life is probably one of the most worth living ones on earth. In history. I overdo it to be honest.
      I think Owen is a sweet boy. I love watching him with the rest of the cousins.

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  4. I'm glad Owen enjoyed the dance. It can be iffy at that age, but clearly he was in his element.
    So nice to see the butterfly landed safely

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    1. Every time I walk through the laundry room, which is about fifteen times a day- no joke- I see that butterfly now and it brings me happiness.

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  5. Your gifted butterfly looks lovely and I'm glad the lad enjoyed himself.

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  6. You found the perfect place for the butterfly :) I love that stained glass piece.
    I'm glad Owen had so much fun.
    I have never heard of tomato cages.

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    1. Tomato cages are cylinders of wire fencing type material that are placed around the tomato plants to give them support as the vines grow. You can also use stakes which require the tying of the plant to the stake with soft material to keep the vines off the ground. Or, you can plant the tomatoes by a fence and tie them to that.

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  7. Yes to hog wire for tomato cages. It works well for us. The basket of vegetables straight from the garden is a real treat :-).

    Good lad, that Owen. Glad he had fun at the dinner dance.

    "I thought that by this age I'd know myself and have figured it all out" When you figure it out, let me know. I'm recently finding this aging part of life rather fascinating (sometimes dismaying, occasionally exhilarating).

    That butterfly alit in a perfect place.

    Chris from Boise

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    1. Well, I've never met a life change that I didn't make as difficult as possible and aging is no exception. There are moments of exhilaration although I find them few and far between. Fascinating is a good word to describe the process. And yes, "dismaying" is a another.

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  8. I'm glad Owen had a good time - boy didn't he look handsome!! And that butterfly is so beautiful. I'm sure that when the sun shines on it it is even moreso. Hang in there Ms Moon. You are surrounded by such love and beauty who needs to "figure it out"!

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    1. I'm just one of those people who insists on figuring things out. It's how I'm wired. It's also part of me to experience depression and anxiety. Add that all up and you can become absolutely unable to move at times.
      Sigh.

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  9. I always volunteer to serve food at our 8th grade dance. this year's crop of kids have been in the building since I started and were also my COVID babies (twice bc I had them in 4th when the world shut down and then again in 6th when full school reopening happened). I am glad your o had a fantastic time xxalainaxx

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    1. You know, you've reminded me. I think I volunteered to serve food at Lily's eighth grade dinner dance. I used to do those sorts of things!
      You're so sweet to be a part of your students' lives in that way as well as in the classroom. I bet you are a beloved teacher.
      I wish you could meet my O.

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  10. I'm glad Owen had fun at the dance.
    That is a perfect spot for the pretty butterfly!
    Hope your days are happy and busy enough but not too busy.

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    1. It's like there was no other place the butterfly would go! That room just called for it.
      Today has not been very busy at all!

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  11. comfort zone getting smaller and smaller? this town is so small I can go from one end to the other in 10 minutes and still I can't manage to get myself out some days and go half a mile to the feed store. the butterfly goes perfect there and so it was meant to be.

    back in the day...we took ballroom dancing, joined social clubs that held dances, even formal ones. the girls hung out on one side of the room the boys on the other and no one, or very few, actually danced. back then there was no such thing as freestyle and you certainly did not get out there by yourself! how mortifying! kids have it so much better now but I think the joy of partner dancing is lost. no one is learning how to waltz or jitterbug anymore.

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    1. That makes me feel a little better, Ellen. Thank you.
      Doesn't the butterfly look at home there?
      I was telling Owen about Cotillion when I was a girl and how we ladies had dance cards that boys had to pencil their names in for the dances. It sounded so ridiculous when I was talking about it but he said, "Well, that doesn't sound like a bad idea!"
      I think you are absolutely right about people not knowing how to waltz or jitterbug any more. A lost art which was very pleasurable.

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  12. That butterfly is so beautiful. I don't think I've seen a picture of it before and I love the colours. Yes, you are right, life goes up and down sometimes with no rhyme or reason. I always tell myself a comfort zone is just a place in my head, and sometimes venturing a bit outside it can stretch it wider. Maybe that idea would work for you. I hope so.

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    1. Liz of Field and Fen sent me the butterfly. She is giving away her artworks to make room for more and I was the lucky recipient.
      That's a good strategy for dealing with the comfort zone issue but I don't think it would work for me. It's my head that's the problem!

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  13. You went through a lot as a child, I imagine it changed who you were. Your stepfather should have had his balls cut off, makes me angry just thinking about it. Sorry.
    Be gentle with yourself, you are fighting a great battle. Sending hugs and love.

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    1. Oh, woman. You've brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for understanding. You always do. You are a wise and powerful woman whether you know it or not.

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  14. Why garden? I hate to sound like a raging lunatic, but how else do you know your food is safe? Lead in Lunchables, e coli in lettuce. The looming shadow of Monsanto and their poison looms over every commercial plot. Every little fish food company has been swallowed by the big fish conglomerates who want everything cheaper with an infinite shelf life. Sorry to rant. Carol

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.