I've been so damn useless today. That picture sort of sums up how I've felt. Angry, a little scary, a living mixture of emotions and feelings, amounting to not much.
I talked to a friend on the phone and spent half the time crying and I hate it when I do that. This friend is so loving and so kind that I can't help but cry around her and she knows I cry and she doesn't worry overmuch about it I think, but it still makes me feel so weak in my weepiness. She says I'm tender, which is a very sweet way of putting it and I know that the older I get, the more tender I become and I don't foresee that changing any time soon.
I suppose I could have canned a few more beans but I didn't feel like it and I could have weeded the garden but I didn't feel like that either even though it's been overcast all day with a few bouts of a mist-like rain that probably didn't even dampen the ground. I did a crossword, the Wordle, shopped for and ordered a dress on eBay, shopped for and didn't buy a purse on eBay, sent two e-mails in response to two I'd gotten, purged my e-mail inbox and trash file, swept the kitchen, moped around, finally settled down and watched another episode of yet another FLDS documentary I've been watching- Preaching Evil.
This of course made me feel so much better.
I also did some seam ripping on a dress that I'd hemmed yesterday and messed up which sounds ridiculous and it is but there you go and here we are- I messed it up. It's a rather cheap dress I got a few weeks ago and it's way too "youthful" for me (What Never To Wear After Forty!) but I like it anyway with its flowy skirt and big pockets. I wear a sort of tank top under it that I tell myself precludes the need for a bra which HAHAHAHA! who cares? It makes me feel like I'm a tiny bit closer to the crazy Bohemian woman I always thought I'd be by this age but which I am not, choosing to mostly wear overalls, at least when I'm home.
Lucky husband, eh?
Lily did something with her kids yesterday that I think was the coolest thing. They went to the Asian Market and bought various fruits which are not usually available in the regular grocery stores.
Looks like the kids were enjoying it.
I grew up with Crisco being used in pies and biscuits and cookies. It just was. As for real butter- I don't even know the first time I tasted it because we always had margarine. I don't think this was unusual for my generation.
Of course I got older and wiser and for a long time now I've used real butter on the table and also in baking. I'm still sure it is superior in cakes and in cookies and when I think of using shortening in them I shudder. However, a few weeks ago I had to substitute some shortening for butter in a pie crust and it was absolutely the best pie crust I'd made in forever. I tried it in biscuits and the result was fluffier and far more tender biscuits.
Most interesting.
Please don't bother telling me that butter is actually far better for us than Crisco. I am aware of that. I am also aware of the fact that anything made with the fat to flour ratio of biscuits or pie crust is going to kill us dead eventually so what the fuck?
And to tell you the truth, WTF has been how I'm feeling ever since the supreme court has started taking away our freedoms and allowing the separation of church and state to become blurred AND is now seemingly set on destroying the planet. What's the fucking point is how I felt about almost everything after Trump got elected and so this is only a renewal and restoration of that.
It is not a good feeling.
But it can lead to deliciousness in the kitchen, I guess.
Another thing I've learned recently is that in the time it takes me to heat my "real" oven to 425 degrees to bake biscuits, I can make the dough for biscuits, shape them, and bake them to doneness in my Easy Bake (aka Cuisinart airfryer/toaster oven) at 375 degrees. I will admit that the tops are a little uneven in their color but so what?
This is dangerous knowledge because the ability to make two (or even one!) fine biscuit in a short amount of time can only lead to trouble.
So what? WTF's the point of worrying about dietary restrictions?
Mostly.
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ReplyDeleteThat posted itself after going to the wrong screen three times.. Anyway I love fresh figs and can hardly ever get them. I think those would have been gone before I got back to the house.
ReplyDeleteI also like the fruit taste testing, great idea for kids. a lot of my Asian market shopping was items I didn't know but fancied trying. Asian pears are a staple at my local farm, always wait for them to come into season.
Can't blame anyone for having a bit of wtf going on. Our life's work has been torn up and thrown in the dust and stamped on. By a gang of criminals.
Liz- that is it exactly! Our life's work- just gone. Ripped to shreds. We felt like we had made such progress in the areas of women's rights, women's health, civil rights, gay rights, freedom from oppression- HA! Think again. It's devastating.
DeleteI'm having one of those *wtf is even the point* kind of days, myself. Just low. I thought the same thing about the SC and the environmental protections; as in, "why not? Everything else if fucked anyway". Sigh.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma always used Crisco lard to make biscuits. Crisco and buttermilk and flour she sifted into the bowl with an old, old flour sifter. She could add the buttermilk with her left hand and knead a fistful of lard into flour with her right, pinch the biscuits off in just the right size, pat them down on a greased sheet pan, and bake them golden brown. I've never had biscuits as good as hers again.
I have one of those flour sifters and I use it! I, too, generally use my fingertips to work the fat into the flour for biscuits. I will admit that for pie dough I use my food processor and it is superior to any other method I've used. And I use buttermilk for my biscuits. Always.
DeleteCan you believe the supreme court taking away the right of the government to make environmental regulations? They're really overstepping their bounds. It's horrendous.
Buy a vat of Crisco, woman! Jump in! As we have been made aware, our lives are significantly altered, made shorter ,so, fuck it, if we like Crisco or we like to eat an entire loaf of bread with butter in one go- is it going to make any diff to anything or anyone? Hell no, just the scale, maybe, but you know it can go eff itself.
ReplyDeleteSeems the older I get the more crusty I get, not more tender, like you. I do have days when everything is so dear and precious that I bawl for hours but generally I prefer being crusty. The slaps don't hurt as much.
Right? Crisco, lard, butter, who cares?
DeleteI'm an emotional person. Overly so. It doesn't do me or anyone else any good. And I know it. But what can I do?
Two things. But first… I hardly ever comment but I do read, every single day!
ReplyDeleteI love your carefree bohemian style… I fancy myself the same way …. Since I retired from teaching I wear mostly jeans or denim shorts and cotton tshirts. But I’m curious about the dress you ordered. Can you share about it?
And… what’s your recipe for just two biscuits? It’s just me and my husband. I can’t make a whole pan of biscuits because we just can’t eat like that… and whenever I try to make I
Biscuits from scratch they are hard like hockey pucks.
I got the dress from a company called Natural Life. It's sort of a long sundress.
DeleteAs to a recipe- yikes! I don't use one. My ingredients are probably about 3/4 of a cup of self-rising flour, less than a quarter of a cup of Crisco, a tiny pinch of baking soda and just enough buttermilk to hold it all together nicely. I use my fingertips to work the fat into the flour and soda and then use a spoon or fork to mix in the buttermilk. I generally just pat out biscuits by hand when I'm only making a few. They might need a little flour to keep them from being too sticky. I think not overworking the dough is a big part of it. It's not like bread dough that you have to knead.
Not sure why that posted as anonymous! It’s me, Karen!
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of biscuits. I've been strictly adhering my husband to his post-heart fall apart diet since the big heart debacle in 2013. Several months back I decided we could "occasionally" have a Sunday Breakfast Biscuit since he's been doing so well and purchased a bag of the fairly edible frozen Mrs. Hill's or Mama Sue's or whatever those are. We slid right on down that slippery slope and last Sunday we had, gasp, COUNTRY HAM with mustard Sunday Breakfast Biscuits. I'll trade the extra year of life, thank you. Next, I'm buying some Crisco. Or lard. I haven't make from scratch cat heads in years. I bought a bag of White Lily too.
ReplyDeleteAnd didn't mean to post anon. That's the G&T slope we've also slid down. Vicki-vfh159
DeleteI tell you what- slippery slopes can be pretty steep and pretty slippery. You go for it, lady! Make you some cathead biscuits! White Lily is a fine flour.
DeleteWhat’s the fucking point sums it up pretty well, and with no break since 2016. The pandemic was just the icing on the cake. I too am getting teary very easily these days, tender…..Figs!!! The birds, iguanas and other critters always seem to get them before I do. Fig lemon preserves are a great thing to look forward to!
ReplyDeleteXoxo
Barbara
I picked more figs today and I think I'll have enough to make a pint or so before we leave. I sure hope so.
DeleteIt has been one fuck of a hellish time for the last eight years. You are right. There have been no breaks to catch!
those figs would be eaten pronto here! Our tree died....... and I miss them. Your day....I hear you and feel pretty much the same. WTF is my mindset lately as well.....BUT...on the crisco note.....after 45 or 50 years of trying to make perfect pie crust, I tried a King Arthur recipe about a year ago....yep.....half butter and half crisco.....and was the best crust I've ever made (and have repeated often). There *is* a place for Crisco. I've always thought of you as bohemian.......denim overalls or flowing dresses (with pockets)........you are tender AND bohemian through and through. If only we weren't 3000 miles separated.....would love to have a martini with you and talk for days!
ReplyDeleteSusan M
Three thousand miles is a long way but we can think of each other as we drink a martini. Thank you for your sweet words.
DeleteAnd yes! Pockets! I will not buy a dress without them any more.
I've never seen that King Arthur recipe but I will look it up. Crisco for the win!
Geez ... I always use the butter flavor Crisco for my pie crust! And, for my biscuits ... Well, I get fabulous biscuits from Bisquick and buttermilk, if I have it, or plain almond milk which I always have!
ReplyDeleteGet out of your funk ... we have to be ready to vote the bastards out who have drawn you down to there "woe is me" mentality!
My mother used to use Bisquick for pancakes but to my mind, self-rising flour is just as easy. And that's what I use.
DeleteI am feeling a little better this afternoon. Thank you, Marcia!
I had a serious wtf morning after reading an article that explained how the gop will steal the next election and desantis will be king because they will abolish all future elections and it will be legal because electors. I’m skipping over done rather unsavory parts. I think our goose is fully cooked so lard or butter, yeah.
ReplyDeleteTrust me- we do NOT want DeSantis anywhere near the White House. He is dangerous as hell. He is evil AND he is smart. He's doing everything he can in Florida to fuck up things for Democratic voters as I am sure you know after reading that article. His wife got breast cancer and I was hoping that would give him at least a little more empathy but no, his blood still seems to run green because he's not really human.
Delete37P that was. ^^^
ReplyDeleteI grew up on margarine. Yuk. The minute I shopped for myself, it was butter! My mother commented on it and I told her I despised margarine. And she said "If I'd only known..." But I doubt she would have overcome my dad's aversion to butter. He refused to support the governments subsidy of dairy farmers.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, my grandma cooked with lard, and she made the finest biscuits and pies.
Well did your dad let your mother buy milk? What a strange place to plant your flag. My mother always made powdered milk for us to drink, swearing it was as good as what came from the dairy or store. She lied. She didn't even use Carnation! She used Pantry Pride brand. Remember Pantry Pride? She had to mix it for about twenty minutes to get the powdery clots out of it. Ugh.
DeleteOne of these days I'm going to buy some lard...
Figs! I would just be eating them as I picked them. I grew up on unsalted butter, but when I moved to live with my mum I discovered "butter" there was actually a mix of butter and margarine to make it go further, because that house had five kids when she moved there, then she had another one, and by the time I got there at age 17 the oldest two were married and gone, so with me it was five and mum had to stretch every dollar. She would buy a huge block of butter and another of margarine from the factory, then cut them up so they would soften faster, then mix them up in a huge stand mixer somehow. I don't remember how she stored them, maybe in one pound blocks in the freezer?
ReplyDeleteI remember using Lard to make "rock cakes" for the Jackeroo's morning teas when I worked on the sheep station and we used margarine exclusively after I married because it was cheaper. Now I use unsalted butter again for almost everything.
I had a roommate/friend when I first moved to Tallahassee who bought and used unsalted butter. Every Friday she would go to the bakery and buy a loaf of challah and we would eat it with that butter and I learned about goodness. My husband disdains unsalted butter so I buy that. At least it's not margarine.
DeleteSee my comment to Joanne about my mother's money-saving tips.
My mum did the powdered milk thing too, but used a whisk to mix it and then it was mixed into a pint of real milk so it tasted okay but went further, stretching the dollars again. We had goat milk too, but I was never a milk drinker so I don't know what either of those tasted like. I remember A and C milking the goats and having contests to see who could squirt milk far enough to hit the fence.
DeleteDo you know the song "End of the World as We Know It" by REM? It's been running through my head since the Forced-Birth decision was announced. I didn't even know then that there would be more devastating and shocking decisions to follow so maybe it's going to stuck in my brain until--you know--the end comes. And I'm pretty sure there are at least three stanzas that could be added to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire."
ReplyDeleteThese are hard times. Maybe even end times.
Oh, god, Susan. Yes. I loved REM and I think I fell in love with them when they did the video for Losing My Religion. Absolutely beautiful. And that song is appropriate for sure except I do not feel fine.
DeleteHard times, indeed.
Grrr. I'm not anonymous. this is Susan from Ohio.
ReplyDeleteI think we all have the what-difference-does-it-make feeling from time to time, maybe especially lately. I just keep trying to find the beauty, just as you do -- in your phlox, your pinecone lilies and the top of that Jacobina flower I see, in your grandkid's reactions to exotic fruit. Politics come and go, but Jacobinas are forever.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the very true and sweet reminder, Steve. You are right.
DeleteMy phlox is also blooming and growing and I noticed today that one of the pine cone lilies had sent up it's cone! Both gifts from you.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what's going to happen in this country. I think about leaving, cashing out and going someplace more hospitable to women and rights but where would I go and my family is all here. Would not be able to convince them all to up and move. At the very least I think about advising my granddaughters to leave. It comes down to it's a good time to be old.
And your roses are blooming! As they generally are. It's so cool that we both have living gifts from each other.
DeleteI could say the exact same thing you did about wanting to go to another country but not being able to leave my family. I think that your granddaughters would move. They seem to have inherited your spirit among other things.
Yeah. Lis and I agreed the other day that we're glad we're old.
I tend to use olive oil for pretty much everything because I love it, but I remember once my ex yelling at me for heating up some olive oil to cook something in and he screamed didn't I know it was a carcinogen when heated???? So said the man who smoked two packets a day!
ReplyDeleteYour ex was loony tunes. I mean, I'm sorry but he was.
DeleteI want to say "Snap outta it" to all of us (including me) but it is hard to when the shit keeps piling on. I think it will be a fight through the election in November 2022 and then again in 2024. I am hoping some new dynamic, inspiring people come forward to run for office in 2024 so we can leave the old farts behind.
ReplyDeleteSteve is right when he says we should focus on the beauty and celebrate any joy around us. Peace, Mary Moon!
I would LOVE to see some brilliant and charismatic and inspiring people running for major offices. Good lord- it's time. The old farts have been in charge since forever and why don't they ever die?
DeleteThat was my post above. I forget to change the anonymous as it is a new step to take...
ReplyDeleteHello! I just found you through reading your comment citing my very favourite Gandalf quote. So, I came here and found out you can do biscuits in an Airfryer. My guy gave me one for my birthday and I have been regarding it with terror ever since. Okay. If you can do it, I can at least try it. Re Butter vs Marg, - butter. The king told the queeen, and all that.
ReplyDeleteDo not worry about replying - you put more into a day than I do in a week.