Here are the colors carpeting my back yard right now. Reds and yellows, oranges and golds. As much as I wish those trees were not there, I can't help but appreciate the beauty of their leaves when they fall.
I am, as we speak, waiting for my husband to get home. He left Nashville this morning and should be pulling up pretty soon. And you know what? I'm a little nervous.
After all these years together, all of these years and months and weeks and days and minutes...
There is still part of me that worries desperately that after being away for awhile he'll see me and think, "Nope. That's enough."
I am pretty sure that won't happen and yet, I am never one hundred percent sure that it won't.
I sigh and chalk that up to my deep fear of abandonment, my equally deep fear that if someone really knows me, they cannot possibly love me.
I'm going to go finish making the shrimp salad I picked the greens for earlier. I have no doubt that my cooking is worth sticking around for. Well, mostly.
Talk to you tomorrow.
And then Glen walks in, tired as heck and he pulls you towards him and you return his embrace and he says, "Hi honey! I'm home!" and everything is good.ReplyDelete
Pretty much although he's usually pretty wired when he gets home.Delete
oh, Ms Moon. Never doubt the love Mr Moon has for you....... please. the fear may be in your DNA, but NO, this will never happen. I understand your thoughts.......but no....... hug him, kiss him, he is home and where he wants to be. With YOU.ReplyDelete
Bless you both.....and I LOVE that carpet of leaves!
Thank you, Susan. I'm afraid that part of me will never accept being loved.Delete
I like those leaves too. Can you imagine raking them all up and putting them in plastic bags?
Yes, that fear you aren't really accepted. But it's a myth in your case. And it's not just the food!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Liz. I do appreciate that.Delete
I talked about this very thing last night with my husband. He is reading The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter and asked me what I most feared in our marriage. Abandonment. Don't most of us have this baggage?ReplyDelete
I think we all carry way too much baggage and as my friend Sue said once, so wisely, so sadly, "And it's not even ours to carry."Delete
I will never forget that.
This made me cry because I feel the same way. If you really knew me, you couldn't love me. And rejection/abandonment, my biggest fear.ReplyDelete
You are loved woman, by many. Sending hugs and love.
We are very similar, you and I. Sending love and hugs back to you.Delete
Oh, Mrs. Moon. You are loved. Soak it in. You are strong. Revel in it. You are smart. Trust it. All of your days. Every. Single. One.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Susan. And thank you for commenting. I do appreciate it.Delete
Nah, he's gonna say "I don't know why I EVER want to go away"!ReplyDelete
I don't know...he seems to truly enjoy these trips!Delete
Well, by now, he IS home and I am sure you are happy to see him and he is happy to see you.ReplyDelete
Why do we torture ourselves with self-doubt and worry when it never helps?
Hope you are feeling better, Ms. Moon!
Humans are not logical beings in the least, are we? I wish we had a little more Spock in us sometimes.Delete
Once again our lives are in tandem as I posted almost that exact same picture.ReplyDelete
I don't worry about my husband losing interest but friends.
Yep. We live in such similar geographic areas!Delete
Your comment about friends makes me wonder- is that why I have pared my friend list down so drastically?
I used to warn people that I thought I might be friends with that I can be hard to take (mostly because I don't suffer bullshit and I call it out when I see it or when someone asks me what I think about something I tell them the truth as I see it. Turns out not too many people like that.) I think I've become more tactful with age.Delete
Part of me thinks that I've become less tactful with age but at the same time, I've become more empathetic, I believe. It is easier for me to see the "why" of someone's action. That does not, however, mean I will put up with them.
He's there for the duration. I guarantee it. He loves you woman. How could he not. But you know, I get it all the same. Pretty carpet of leaves.ReplyDelete
I think all of us can identify with that feeling on some level, even though it is completely irrational. Who doesn't have some worry about what they'd do without their partner/spouse/whatever? Humans are tribal species made to live in family units!ReplyDelete
Bradford pears are a nuisance but they DO look good in the fall.