Thursday, December 16, 2021

As God Is My Witness


There will be some damn fruitcake in this house for Christmas! 
I was back in Costco today and this time I asked a lady in the bakery department if they had any fruitcakes. She told me that no, they weren't making them this year. I asked why. She said, "Because no one bought them last year."
Well I tell you what, lady! I did! 
So when I went to Publix I bought the fruit. I was afraid that they didn't have any. I had to search high and low and finally found it on my way to ask an employee where it might be. There are a lot of gaps on the shelves right now and it would not have surprised me if candied fruit and citrus peel hadn't made it to the stores this year. But there it was and I bought a bountiful plenty. 

It was a good day, overall. Jessie was hankering to go try Chow Time, the newish buffet that I talked about a few weeks ago. The place that looks like a movie theater or a casino with about half an acre of food. So Lily joined up with us and Levon came along too and we feasted. We did not leave feeling like the man whom we saw coming out who stopped for a second, tried to pull his pants all the way up and said, "Oh my god," before heading to his car. But we were sated, shall we say. 
I should have stopped after my sushi and hot and sour soup. But of course I didn't. I had to eat at least a few of the other things. Levon was the one who really surprised me. He ate (and this is what I can recall) macaroni and cheese, chicken, green beans, french fries, a piece of pizza, and about six kinds of dessert. He and I decided that we like pudding even better than we like ice cream. 
It was a good lunch and we got to talk and share some things that have been roiling the waters of our souls and of course we laughed a lot and there were a few tears. Not Levon's. He was a happy guy. 

When we left, I made them pose for a picture in front of the Christmas tree. 


So that was a hoot and then I went to Costco and wandered around looking vaguely for gift ideas. I sent a picture of a Lego set to Lily and asked if either of her boys would like it and she sent me back a message that she had no idea and then I sent Jessie a picture of a building set and asked if HER boys would like that and she said that I gave August and Levon the exact same set last year which of course I had no memory of although now that I think about it, yeah. I did. 
I got to see Brenda and she gave me the BEST HUG EVER! 
So all was not lost. Her hugs just stick with you. 

On to Publix where I noticed this sign for the first time. 



I have so many questions. How long has that sign been there? When did miniature horses become service animals? How did that happen? Can a miniature horse bring you your phone in its mouth? Or, you know- a banana or something to eat? If miniature horses can be trained as service animals, why not miniature donkeys? Why not monkeys? Hell, they have hands! And parrots! They can even talk human!
But honestly, people have been getting away with saying that their beloved pupsters are service animals that they need for emotional support and although I can completely understand that, it's just a way for folks to bring them to the store with them. Which, quite frankly, I don't mind but things could get out of hand, I suppose. There was that German Shepherd on St. George Island that killed a chihuahua a few months ago in a beach bar. I mean, that's traumatizing, to say the least. 

And that was my day. I'll make the fruitcakes tomorrow and no, they will not have time to soak in rum before Christmas but dammit, un-soaked fruitcake is better than no fruitcake. 
And quite frankly, I am looking forward to getting out the old recipe and creaming butter and sugar and eggs and folding in the fruits. 

Christmas has been saved. 
By me. The agnostic/atheist. 
Just don't ask me to sing any Christmas carols, okay? Because I fucking won't do it. 

Love...Ms. Moon

32 comments:

  1. Capuchin Monkeys are service animals for people whose hands need help. They switched lights on and off bring small objects like eyeglasses keys etc. Abd they're little enough not to knock the furniture about.

    I love your determination to have fruitcake dammit!

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    1. I think I've seen clips of helper Capuchins. They are so clever, aren't they?
      And yes, I was most decidedly determined to have fruitcake!

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  2. I sent Dennis to Cost co to get a fruitcake, NOPE, not this year! so he picked one up at the grocery, so inferior and dry, I soaked it with rum but still , not good. What is wrong with people!!! no fruitcake no mince pies?? I call that a war on
    Christmas!

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    1. NO MINCE PIES? One year I made a mince pie but vegetarian. I thought it was delicious. I do love them.
      Yeah. Costco should have just made fewer if you ask me. To completely eliminate them is ridiculous. Although, I have to say that my fruit cake is much better than Costco's. In my opinion, anyway.

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  3. Fruitcake, damnit! YES!!! How I wish I could send you one of mine. I have three large ones that are "marinating" in the fridge right now. And a bunch of smaller ones for gifts. They're "spirited" ...ahem...... :) I used two bottles of brandy because those dried fruits kept soaking it up!!! Haha.

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    1. I made one huge one and one medium sized one and one small one. And they are delicious. I'm not sure I'm going to soak mine this year. I sort of like them unspirited. I'll drink my booze instead.

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  4. and what recipe, pray tell, do YOU use to make fruitcake? Share please! Im on board Mrs. Harveys.....but not this year. I have always love fruitcake and yes, it seems to be passe for most people nowadays. Glad you spent time with the girls (and guy).....and were blessed with seeing *she of the mermaid eye shadow* as well! She is my heroine!
    Susan M

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    1. Mrs. Harvey's! Indeed.
      I blame Johnny Carson and all his fruitcake jokes for the decline in fruitcake eating.
      You know what? I can STILL feel Brenda's hug. She is just the best, best hugger.

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  5. My friend made Italian Fruit Bars - also known as Hermits from Lost Recipes - Marion Cummingham's book with candided fruit added. Almost as good as fruit cake without having to wait. Personally I like Panforte and have made it at times. When I was growing up I liked to just eat the assorted candied fruits - what a strange child I was!

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    1. I used to make fruitcake bars when I had an annual eggnog party. They were okay but not as good as fruitcake.
      Candied fruit is usually an acquired taste so that is a bit odd. But you know- sweet is sweet!

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  6. I too call myself an agnostic atheist, but even so I find I must listen to Stevie Nicks - Silent Night every Christmas Eve. It's hauntingly beautiful and fills me with peace. I would imagine your velvet-voiced Lis would do an amazing rendition of it also.
    That was awful about the chihuahua! I know from personal experience they are often little demon dogs, quite confrontational and aggressive. But damn, witnessing that WOULD have been quite traumatic!
    I love fruitcake but no one else in the family does. I found a tiny one at Whole Foods which was adequate but I'm sure not anywhere near as tasty as the one you are making. Why can't I have a fruitcake baking neighbor that would share a heavenly slice with me?!?
    Angie D

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    1. I'm probably actually an atheist but in reality I cannot disclaim a sort of god. What do I know? I'll tell you what though- I sure don't think I'm going to find out when I die. I think I'll just be dead.
      Isn't that awful about the chihuahua? What a damn scene that must have been.
      Grocery store fruitcakes are notoriously not good. I'd gladly give you a slice of mine, dear Angie.

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    2. Yes, me too. I personally don't believe there is a god and death will just be nothingness, like before we were born. But I have a problem when atheist proclaim to know for certain there is no god which to me is just as foolish as claiming to know for certain there is one. So I'm leaning to the agnostic side there. But as you often say...I don't know shit. And honestly neither does anyone else.
      What I DO know is those fruicakes look scrumptious and Mr Moon is backing that opinion up as truth! You had a very busy day, hope you have a relaxing evening and sleep well!
      Angie D

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  7. It sounds like a grand day all around - and fruitcake in the offing!

    Of course I had to go down the rabbit hole of service animals. Only dogs and miniature horses can legally be classified as service animals. And this:
    "Why a Miniature Horse?
    Miniature horses have many strengths that make them suitable as potential service animals. Typically ranging from 24–34 inches in height and weighing 71–100 pounds, these strong animals can push and pull heavy objects. They can offer both balance and mobility assistance to a handler. They are intelligent and possess excellent eyesight, including 350-degree peripheral vision and night vision. They often serve as guide animals for individuals with vision-related disabilities. Miniature horses can carry out most, if not all, possible tasks of a service dog.

    Why Not a Service Dog?
    Some individuals prefer a miniature horse over a dog for their service animal. For one thing, miniature horses have a much greater longevity. They can live 25–30 years and offer a long service life of up to 20 years. For dogs, this time is much shorter. Another benefit of miniature horses is that they are easy to groom and shed fewer allergens than dogs. For many service animal handlers, this makes caring for their animal easier. Finally, miniature horses are an alternative for those who will not work with a dog for cultural or religious reasons." https://northeastada.org/resource/service-animals-can-be-miniature-horses

    Who knew?!

    Boud is right about capuchins, but they are only trained for home tasks. https://monkeyhelpers.org/monkey-helpers-today/monkey-helpers-faqs/

    And that's all I know about the matter - which is more than I knew before!

    Cheers,
    Chris from Boise

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    1. Whoa, Chris! You have answered some questions and raised others! Do service horses have to wear diapers when they're inside or can they be house trained? And what religions or cultures won't let you work with dogs? I know they eat them in some cultures but horses are also human food in others. Well, whatever works. I sure would like to see a miniature service horse.

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    2. Here you go - Panda in action: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPRNmw8mC4k

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  8. I found a quarter of a Belizean Black Cake in the freezer that someone gave me last year. How lucky is that? Similar to fruitcake, but made black by using deeply caramelized sugar in the batter. I'm sure yours will come out wonderful.

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    1. Yep. That's what I'm going to make next- a black cake. A friend gave me one and it was amazing. I really want to try and recreate it.

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  9. Merry Fucking Christmas:)

    There are lots of fruitcakes around here, many of them are politicians though, so probably not very tasty.

    Seriously though, there are a lot of fruitcakes around. It's also bloody cold and keeps snowing. It's going to be 20 below tonight. Sigh. Hopefully it warms up a little.

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    1. TWENTY BELOW? Jesus, woman! Glen almost got heat stroke today, working outside here. As I've said so many times- do we live on the same planet?

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  10. Good Lord, service horses????? While a guide dog would definitely be allowed into a store here that's it and frankly I wouldn't want to follow behind a service horse, monkey, armadillo or whatever!!!! As for the guy trying to pull his pants up - well, we've all been there haven't we! Enjoy that fruit cake!

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    1. Sorry, and service dogs of course, although I think the store here would be more likely to offer you an assistant to do your shopping with you!

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    2. Well, true service dogs are allowed anywhere here, I think, although I know that if asked, a Publix employee will definitely help someone with their shopping.
      And yes, we have all been there with the pants situation!

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  11. Sounds like a fun day! Interesting sign about service animals - I had never heard of service horses but whatever helps someone, is fine with me.
    Good luck with your fruit cake baking!

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    1. I feel the same, Ellen- horse, dog, whatever. But dammit, rich people with their tiny dogs are not fooling anyone.

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  12. How the hell are you going to get your service miniature horse in the damn cart anyway? There's a few gaps in my grocery store shelves but not many and not anything that I buy anyway. It's about time for another Costco run here. I'm sure your fruitcake is way better than one from Costco anyway.

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    1. Hahahahaha! That would definitely be a tiny, tiny horse.
      I'll have to say that yes, my fruitcake is superior to Costco's.

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  13. Yay fruitcake! I love fruitcake, and it always mystifies me that it has such a bad rap. (I know you and I have had this conversation!)

    It's surprising that a miniature horse could be considered a service animal INDOORS. I've never heard of such a thing. I wonder if Florida law specifies miniature horses -- no doubt because some legislator was lobbied by the Florida Miniature Horse Owners Association (aka FMHOA) -- and that's why it's on the Publix poster. I can't imagine anyone ever actually brought a miniature horse into a Publix.

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    1. (Although I would dearly LOVE to see that!)

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    2. You would like the fruitcake I've just made. It is good!
      Who knows if someone has ever taken a horse into Publix? I can see it happening. May told me she's pissed that never, in all her years of dealing with the public, has she ever seen a miniature horse as a service animal. I'd love to see it too.

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  14. Can't find any fruitcake in Rhode Island either. What is the deal? I just want a nice cheap log of the stuff so I can get my yearly fix. It used to be everywhere. Now nowhere.
    I bought a tub of the mixed dried fruit and put it in my standard quick cake recipe I whip up when I want something sweet. I added a half cup of homemade applesauce and some appropriate spices.
    Other than the fruit sinking to the bottom (which was fine - kind of nice actually all there in a layer at the bottom) it tasted good. Not the texture of a dense fruit cake but it was good. And I'm happy.

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  15. I laughed so hard at the man pulling his pants up that I woke my husband up. I love fruitcake too, they look delicious!

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.