Tuesday, July 9, 2019
Yeah, Yeah. I Know. It's Better Than The Alternative. Still Doesn't Make It Easy
Does anyone know the name of this plant? It's about four feet tall and the leaves are as soft as velvet. My sweet sister-in-law who died some years back gave it to me and it's never once bloomed in my yard until today. My plantSnap app can't seem to identify it properly.
I have such blues tonight. I started out with all good intentions and took a walk on White House Road which I have not done in some time. The postman whose path I have crossed so many times gave me a good friendly wave as he passed me on his rounds. I came home and even though it was so hot and I was already almost over my limit as to being outside, I worked in the garden a bit, weeding and mulching and I planted yet another row of arugula. Then I cleaned the hen house and gave the birds fresh straw in their nests and put the old, poopy straw in the garden. I hung clothes outside and by that time I was truly well done and had to come in to cool off, eat lunch, and then I took a nap.
When I woke up I got the clothes in just in time before a thunderstorm re-rinsed them for me.
And that's just about been my day.
I can tell that I'm having an anxiety-flare and that always seems to show up with its evil conjoined twin, depression. I'm so predictable. This does generally happen in my birthday month and this birthday coming up is sort of a milestone birthday, at least here in the good old USA whereupon at the age of 65 you are eligible for Medicare which is not free health care but it means at least cheaper healthcare and although I know that that is a reason to celebrate, it also makes for a rather startling realization which is that even the government considers me to be, well, old.
Quite frankly, I never thought that I'd live this long and I don't think I'm prepared for the fact that I have. Especially with the knowledge I now possess about how it feels to be this old which is a long and complex story starting with how I look, going on to how I feel, physically, and then leading off to the more esoteric subject of how I feel emotionally and mentally and sexually and socially and all that other junk that we bounce around in our brains constantly to try and determine where we are in space and time, not unlike how our inner ear and eyes and feet work together to determine where we are in the physical part of space and time so that we don't fall over when we walk.
That's the short version of the complex story and I wish that I had spent more time in my earlier years learning about how these things might unfold so that I would be more prepared but you know what? There aren't that many resources for this subject. The tendency today seems to be to simply avow that if we eat right, exercise, keep mentally engaged and active that we won't even notice what used to be called the ravages of time.
In fact, there will BE no ravages of time and sixty is the new forty, blah, blah, blah.
It's like menopause. No one tells you the truth about that. We just pretend it doesn't happen and if it does (and oh, honey, it does!) we're supposed to talk to our doctors and keep it all to ourselves and laugh at our hot flashes, our brain fog, our weight gain, our body's complete hormonal switcheroo on us which is every bit as profound as puberty was but not necessarily in a good way.
And if you want to know the truth (and no, you probably don't), things continue to change up on us as we age after menopause and so often in startling and scary ways.
But. Fingers in ears, I can't hear you and if I can't hear you it's not happening.
And so forth.
Well. I certainly did not intend to go here tonight and yet it would seem that I have.
You know what? I think I am going to write more about this subject because I wish to holy hell that I'd had more of a head's up on what getting older is like. More than what my grandfather told me which was, "Mary, don't get old," to the glib and duh-inspiring "Aging's not for sissies!"
I'll tell you one thing that doesn't change and that's the need to eat and the enjoyment found therein.
At least for me. At least so far.
And now I'm going to go make our supper.
Let's talk tomorrow, okay? And if you have thoughts, feel free to share. I know it's different for each and every one of us and what's true for me may not be true for you but it's all valid.