Calling a pregnant lady's belly a "baby bump." Especially after five months of pregnancy.
Honestly, I am tired of it. A bump is something you get when you fall down and hurt yourself. This is not generally how pregnancy occurs.
Can you tell I don't have much to offer the universe today? Well, hell, when did that ever stop me? I don't even have a real list. That baby bump thing is the only item I can think of to put on it. Maybe I'll warm up as I go along.
So, politics.
I am so out of it concerning elections right now. Honestly, I doubt I could tell you who the candidates for governor are in my state. Okay. One of them is like a convicted felon only he wasn't convicted. Or something like that. He's a white man. A Republican. Medicare fraud. Had to resign. Still made millions.
Yep. That's OUR Republican candidate for governor.
How the hell did that happen?
The Democratic candidate is a white woman. (Is it wrong of me to point these things out? Probably.) I don't know much about her. Couldn't pick her out of a line-up of two.
(Now I could. Maybe.)Why don't I know more about this stuff?
I'll tell you why- I don't care any more. Seems to me that no matter who gets elected in state politics, as soon as they get to Tallahassee something happens and they go through some sort of grinder or laser transformer or something and they come out the other end being someone I wouldn't trust to feed my dogs. And you can take that any way you want to.
Yes. I'm cynical as hell.
I am rather interested in the California gubernatorial race.
Now that one seems like such a diverse choice. Meg Whitman, Gazillionaire eBay exec VS Jerry Brown, old war horse, former two-term governor who refused to live in the Governor's mansion. He lived in an apartment. He dated Linda Ronstadt.
(I'd totally vote for Jerry. God. I miss the olden days.)He believes in alternative energy. He used to be called "Governor Moonbeam."
Meg's spent more money on this race than any gubernatorial candidate in US history, I think. She must really want to be governor.
I don't understand why but she does. I don't understand why anyone wants any public office but that's just me. Promises, promises.
Then the entrance into the grinder, the transformer.
Blah, blah, blah.
Whatever.
What is of much more importance to me today is that I wish my chickens would stop molting and start laying eggs again. Old Elvis has like two tail feathers.
The hens are dropping feathers like crazy and I'm lucky to get one egg a day. I looked up "molting" in the chicken book that K. sent me for my birthday. They can molt for months! Here's an interesting thing- chickens need extra protein while they are molting and a good source is...CAT FOOD!
My chickens love cat food better than anything else. Ha! Who knew they were so smart? Smart enough not to run for governor.
So I just went out to see the chickens and I found an egg. It's a good day!
For fun I balanced it on my rooster lamp and took its picture. You can't tell but it's a huge egg. HUGE!
Wish I could eat it. You have to wait for an hour to eat after you take Doxycycline which is what I'm taking for this alien baby bump on my flank/hip. It's getting better by the way. Anyway, I forgot to take the stupid drug when I got up and now I'm having to wait to eat and I'm hungry.But I will say that the chickens appear to be making new feathers and that's good. I'm giving them all the cat food they want. Why not?
Wait. I can add to my list:
Chickens molting!
I wish they'd stop doing that right fucking now!
I suppose that's about all I need to say this morning. I could discuss religion but I'm not in the mood. Although pastors and priests can stop molesting children and having sexual relationships with young boys RIGHT NOW (while telling their parishioners that homosexuality is evil!)
Yeah. Add that to the list.
I'm going to go eat. The hour's up.
Aren't you glad?
Hee.
ReplyDeleteWhat's a better word than 'bump' then? Baby mound? Baby rotundity? Swollen-with-child-belly? I'm alright with the bump idea. Bumps don't have to be related to accidents, do they?
Jo- No. Bumps can also be pimples. I think just plain "pregnant belly" or "sacred swelling" would be better.
ReplyDeleteI'm ready for some Moonbeam about now...
ReplyDeleteIId vote for Jerry Brown and I miss the olden days too. They were a mess, but they didn't seem to suck this badly, did they?
ReplyDeleteYou are so astute with the meat grinder comment. I think the only reason gazillionaires want the office is to shape the laws and the world in their image.
You know what I could have done without? Well, 2 things involving the Catholic church and volleyball that impacted my week. Too long to comment, I'll post about it for you.
Hope your chickens are laying soon.Your word verification was dorable. Yes, you are.
Isn't Florida's current govenor running as an independent also?
ReplyDeleteI liked Walkin' Laughton Chiles but he's ancient (and deceased) history.
Florida has nothing on Texas. Our sitting governor is pushing for college students to be able to carry guns into the classroom!*&^%$#@! That man is all hair, no brain. And what does it say about the state that he keeps getting re-elected?
I couldn't say sacred swelling with a straight face.
Lisa- I think we could all use some.
ReplyDeleteMel- Mmmmm. Waiting for that post. I think you're right about those rich folks wanting to shape the world into their image. GW and Carl Rove, for instance?
Kathleen Scott- He had to switch over to being an independent because he got to lib for the Republicans. He's running for US senate. I think. He's the closeted gay guy who has JUST come out in favor of gay adoption rights in Florida. Jeez. Duh.
"Sacred swelling" makes me laugh, too. One sort will lead to another, no?
Meg Whitman has also admitted to NEVER voting (for over 25 years) -- she used up so much money to run her campaign that it's enough to make one sick. If she had said that she was going to give 115 million dollars to the school system and spend NOT a penny on ads or something, she would have gotten my vote. As it is, I think she'll lose badly -- she's humorless and a mean, lying you know what. I like Jerry Brown, but I don't have much hope that he'll accomplish anything in this cockamamie California legistlature.
ReplyDeleteWhere to begin...geesh did you get going.
ReplyDeleteSo cat food for the chickens? I would never have known...I think of when those hens are molting and how pathetic they look..so hey if I can help them in anyway I can aside from providing clothing to their thinly feathered tushies...why does that are seem the most cold looking during molting anyway? Maybe a scarf for the neck too. Ours don't all appear to molt at the same time.
Politics? So yes I am from the land of crazy politics..Meg and good old Jerry. I am so not into this. Dirt throwing just was never my game.
Love the egg pose with the hula girl...
What? Wait an hour after taking doxycycline before eating? But it'll rip a hole in your stomach if you don't eat with it. Or is that just waiting to eat eggs? (I know not supposed to have dairy with it.)
ReplyDeleteI take doxy very seriously since it will be my closest companion for the next ten months to avoid the particularly nasty cerebral malaria I face. And I hate-hate-hate taking it. Hate that it stalks me every day. That I can't take it at night because laying down after it can do bad things. That it messes up the healthy balance in both GI tract and vagina. And I don't want to be on birth control pills, but doxy would render them ineffective as well. (My plan is to take 1000 non-latex condoms. Are my libidinous goals too lofty? Men are verrrrry attractive there, though!)
And now you tell me I'm not supposed to eat for an hour after taking it? I am indignant!
Well, I hope that your encounter with doxycycline is more positive than mine!
They can be bumps in the road too - 'sacred swelling' - seriously? I would so prefer a bump than a sacred swelling.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, sacred swelling sounds rude ;)
dear ms. moon,
ReplyDeleteyou have really stirred the pot this morning! from my eight hour seat at the infusion center....you are all welcome company.
xoxoxoxoox,
rebecca
God, I miss the olden days too. Perhaps that's partly missing being young, but I wonder what it's like to be twenty-something now. It does seem to me we were incredibly naive and full of ourselves but it was fun to be tribal, while it lasted.
ReplyDeleteI like Jerry Brown. State politics, in fact, any politics in SC sucks. We have idiots for politicians. I think that Florida may actually have better politicos than SC. Sad, very sad.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth- I hope she doesn't win. What a crock of shit. And you know- to me- Jerry Brown's name still conjures a time when dreams were possible.
ReplyDeleteBut today? They're probably not.
Ellen- I am hoping my hens get some more feathers before the temperatures really drop.
NOLA- Well, that's what it says on the pill bottle. So...
My tummy does feel a bit weird but if it clears up this thing on my side, I'll deal with that.
I love the idea of you taking 1,000 condoms. So how long are you going to be there? Haha! You're precious.
Jo- I'm beginning to really like "sacred swelling." Sorry.
rebecca- I hope the eight hours will be worth it in much relief.
A- Amen! Tribal. We were, weren't we? Ah. Good times. Mostly.
Syd- Define "better." I feel so sorry for you.
Thanks for the snap-shot of Jerry Brown and Linda Ronstadt and Crew.
ReplyDeleteIn the Nowdays, Jerry Brown still stands for some hope. The other person is awe-inpiringly-awful.
I may feed my chickens the cats. No, I didn't say that. There is some little tick in my keyboard.
Thanks again, Ms. Moon!
I shall be there in my little oasis of scrumptiously hot West African men (oh, wait, am I not going for a job? When will I have time to work when I'm trying to legitimately use up 1000 condoms?) for at least 9 months. That's the contract length. But I just discovered that if I stay for 12 months, then I may get a federal tax break. Hm. I may need more condoms.
ReplyDeleteSacred swelling does NOT sound like early pregnancy to me. It sounds like ... well, I needn't draw you a picture, need I? ;)
Laura- Sounds like good protein to me.
ReplyDeleteNOLA- Wait. According to my calculations if you stay for nine months and have 1000 condoms, you will need to do it 3.7 times a day in order to use them all up.
Do you think 1000 will be enough?
And of course I KNOW what "sacred swelling" sounds like. As I said- one sort can lead to another.
I love your math skills - and belief in my ability to get it on. :)
ReplyDeleteAlex Sink is part Asian.
ReplyDeleteI'm just pissed off about leggings today. And smokers.
ReplyDeleteI like cat food, too--especially the chicken and cheese moist kind. I figure my generation had better get used to looking at shit like that as edible, after 8 years of that moron, W., being in the White House. It's all we're going to be able to afford. I'm preparing myself.
ReplyDelete