I have said that I'm not brave to write this story and yet, I am starting to think I was crazy. Why am I doing this? I keep second-guessing myself. I keep thinking this is not anyone's business.
And then I get e-mails thanking me. And then I get comments thanking me. And then I think of how I would felt, twenty, thirty years ago, reading this and realizing there was hope, there was a reason I felt so crazy sometimes and for the feelings of despair and distrust and guilt for no reason.
But I have to tell you- it's not so easy. As many times as I have told my story, as many times as I have "worked through it", as many times as I have thought I put "paid" to that account, I realize the layers of the onion are indeed never-ending and there is still pain.
BUT, it is a pain I can deal with. I know where it comes from. It's not my pain NOW. It's the lingering aftereffects sort of pain and I can work through it.
And my heart is not all that heavy.
It's okay.
And please know that if you want to e-mail me, you can. My e-mail address is on my page. I'm going out of town this weekend but should be able to check things.
Thank-you for all the things you've said so far. You make me think I'm not quite crazy and that maybe I am serving a purpose and isn't that what we all want? To serve a purpose.
I sure hope that's what I'm doing. Otherwise, I'm just crazy.
You're not crazy. You have every right to be, but...
ReplyDeletepurpose beyond what i think you may even know...
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say. I am just listening by reading your words.
ReplyDeletei just think you are a lovely woman with great talents, that include story telling, sharing, inspiring and nurturing. i can't think of a person who knows you that doesn't say your name with glee. and though i have been gone from tally many years, i have and still do know lots of folks that know and admire you.
ReplyDeletewhatever you wish to share, i promise you that you will impact people in a very positive way. i just get so much out of your posts, whether they are about flowers, chicken or people. i feel like i can see everything you write, clearly in my mind...
thank you miss moon. much love and encouragement to you to keep writing about everything! love from alex!
What Alex/Anon said :)
ReplyDeleteOK, there ya go. Yep, what Alex said +1.
ReplyDeleteI take a little break and there is all this crazy talk and a content warning on your blog. Well I never ever thought you were crazy. I think you are wonderful and I hope all is well. Enjoy your weekend.
ReplyDeleteJo- Hmmm. Maybe a little crazy
ReplyDeleteLearner- Hope so.
Nicol- I feel you reading.
Alex- Stop it! But thanks.
Steph and Nicol- Thank you, darling girls.
Mr. Shife- Uh. Miss a little, miss a lot. Cute, cute, beautiful baby you have! Kiss him for me.
Serving a purpose, it's a good thing...
ReplyDeleteI love you mommy.
ReplyDeleteTiffany- I hope so.
ReplyDeleteLily- Oh, my beautiful daughter! I love you too! How's my little kickerbean? And my favorite, favorite son-in-law? Are you having fun in PC? Wait 'til you see the overalls I bought. I might do a little embroidery on them.
I think that there is so much purpose to your sharing this. Your life is proof that these things can be overcome, and that there is a value to understanding the emotional pains from your past.
ReplyDeleteYou are providing hope to people who have lived through very difficult things. You are providing hope that things, that life can get better. You are what "Little Women" was to you.
I love you for writing this. I really do.