There is no reason for me to write a post tonight except for the fact that I feel like if I don't write a post I might inadvertently cause the end of the world or something because as Ann Lamott once wrote, "I am the piece of shit the world revolves around," which, although she sometimes annoys me, I find to be one of the most profound things I've ever read.
Or at least relatable to me.
Every woman I know adores Ann Lamott and I adored her too when I first read "Operating Instructions" because I felt like it was absolutely one of the most truthful books about motherhood I'd ever read but over the years I've grown weary hearing about the Uncle Jesus stuff even though I am glad that it works for her and that her faith gets her through the hard stuff and inspires thousands and thousands of others to get through their own hard stuff.
Maybe I'm just jealous, knowing that I don't have that kind of belief or the kind of church community she has. It would be so nice to believe that everything works out in the end according to a god's plan and we mostly have to just get out of the way and let it happen while striving to love one another. That's rather beautiful. I do definitely believe in the striving to love one another part but my ability to believe that there is a celestial plan is just about zero percent. However, I have gotten out of the way as much as possible, especially when it comes to believing that I can control anything except, of course, for the continuation of the universe as we know it, thus...I'm writing a post.
How's that for a tangled web?
God, it's been a dreary day. Dark all day and sort of damp and getting chillier and all day the fact that my husband is leaving tomorrow to go off into the unsafe world of disease and traffic has been in my heart and I'm not upset and I'm not mad and I'm not even especially worried but still...we've been in each other's pockets since March now and it's going to be different around here while he's gone. I made a huge pot of chili which I'm afraid is a little too spicy but there's nothing I can do now except advise him to make rice to mix with it. I also made a large batch of oatmeal, pecan, raisin, chocolate chip cookies to take which would sustain him for a week if that's all he had but he also has two bags of snacks to take with him so he won't starve. I'll bet you anything that those hunters will not finish up any of what I'm sending unless they stay up there for a month.
Okay. Maybe the cookies.
And I'll be fine. I plan on watching whatever I want on the TV at night and that will not include sports or muscle car restoration or drag racing or knife-forging of any kind and I will eat whatever my heart desires.
Honestly, I already do eat whatever my heart desires (within reason) because I plan the meals, do the shopping, and cook the food. And if I need anything at all, my children will help me and I probably won't need anything except maybe a little company and I think that I can arrange to visit with some grandboys and their mama to dispel any loneliness I might feel.
And of course I have a nice flock of chickens and two insane cats to keep me company. Not to mention books, books, books.
I am also most grateful for this sweet community right here that always makes me feel as if I have dear friends right next to me at all times.
Check in tomorrow evening if you want to and I'll let you know if I've cleaned the house, planted an acre of fruit trees, finished Obama's memoir, run a marathon, convinced Jack and Maurice to be BFF's and sweet snuggle-buddies, and figured out the meaning of life.
Or, you know- made it through another day.
Also, you'll be able to thank me for not letting the world come to an end. You are so welcome!
Big love...Ms. Moon