Wednesday, June 26, 2019

A Good Doctor


And that, my friends, is what happened to my tomato pie last night. Well, actually, it obviously didn't just happen. I dropped it, sliding it back into the oven.
But. Because most of it landed on the oven door instead of the floor, I was able to salvage a of it and by god that slightly smushed tomato pie was the best tomato pie I ever ate. Mr. Moon said so last night and then again today when he ate some for lunch. The pastry may not have looked that pretty even before I dropped it but it tasted perfect.
So. There you go.

The doctor's appointment. 

Okay. I had just about the worst anxiety attack I've ever had, getting there, sitting in the office, and then going into the exam room. Feet and hands tingling. Inability to concentrate. Those were the two main symptoms. I tried to practice a little mindfulness to bring myself back to the present but my brain laughed at that. I told the girl who took my blood pressure that it was going to be bad and it was pretty bad. Not horrific as in "You need to go to the emergency room right now!" bad but, "Okay, yeah, well, that's not so good."
But they know me by now.
I didn't have to wait long before the darling doctor came in.
"How are you doing?"
And I told him that I was having an anxiety attack. Just flat-out said it. I also told him that I wasn't sure he grasped the full meaning of what I was experiencing and he didn't laugh at me. I had taken an Ativan but it hadn't kicked in yet or else what I was feeling was simply too strong for the drug to have much effect. But what that sweet man did next DID have an effect on me. He sat down and said, "You won't believe what I've done. You'll just die!"
"That would be fine," I told him. He did laugh then.
He got his phone out and started going through pictures and showed me a shot of some baby chicks and a duckling.
"You got chickens!" I said. "And ducklings?"
"And ducklings," he said.
And then he proceeded to tell me all about the chicks and how much his son loved them and how funny the ducks were and that he and his wife were going to have another baby soon and then I told him about how when I had two ducks, both females, they loved having sex with each other and he laughed about that too. I mean, he spent a good ten minutes at least talking with me about chickens and then he got me up on the table (he never makes me undress) and took my blood pressure again and it had come down a startling amount and he did a few doctor things which he does so gracefully and slyly that I barely realize he's doing it. He asked me if I had any idea why I have such a neurosis about the doctor's office and I told him that I did not but that I certainly wish I did so that I could do something about it. I told him that I can remember having to be held down in a doctor's office to get my flu shots and that also, I can remember going to the doctor with my mother for an appointment for HER and being so anxious (although I had no word for it) just being in the doctor's office that I would start to get all of these psychosomatic symptoms to the point where I thought I might die.
It's all tangled up and who knows? Who knows? Not me.
When he was finished with the official doctoring he said I could sit back down in the chair and then we discussed my cholesterol which is for some unknown reason better and we talked about politics and got into even more distantly related topics like nuclear war and climate change and how he worries about the world for his kids and I worry about the world for my grandkids and we talked about aging and a whole lot of other stuff and eventually he said, "Okay. If you promise me you'll call if you need anything, I'll see you next year."
And that was that.
Except that I hugged him, teary as I so often am, and said, "I just love you," and he hugged me back and said, "The feeling is mutual."

And that was how it went.

After I left the office I met up with Lily and her three babies and Hank and Rachel and our friend Lauren at Tan's which I have discussed before. It's a relatively small buffet place but the food is so good and they have all sorts of Asian-inspired dishes and now they have sushi too and of course, this is the place with the dessert freezer which is filled with things like Eskimo pies and little ice cream cones so we all love it. I don't care at all about the ice cream but I do so love the Mongolian tofu and soups and curries and it was fun. The children were good and I was so happy to be there with them.


My Owen and his beloved noodles. 

And then I came home and absolutely and literally crashed and slept for an hour. 
And it's over- that appointment is over and I don't have to think about any of it again for another year unless I get ill in some way and in the...what? Two years? Three years? I've been going to Dr. Zorn, I've never once had to call about an illness or a problem. 

I still feel a bit insane. 

This must sound so ridiculous to most of you. 
SNAP OUT OF IT! you might want to say. 

Honey, if I could, don't you think I would?
Ain't no one wants to feel like this. Not a soul on this earth. 

I'm going to go fry a little whole red snapper. 
I'll try not to drop it. 

Love...Ms. Moon


33 comments:

  1. No way would i tell a person to snap out of it. We all have our hard, and just because my hard might be your easy, and vice versa, doesn't mean we have any business being anything but kind and respectful of each other's difficult spots.

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    1. Exactly. Thank you. At least having these (perhaps) crazy problems makes us more empathetic I think. And there's never enough of that.

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  2. Miss Moon, such a brave girl. I know all about panic attacks. I got to the point I couldn't go anywhere alone and I was taking 4 Ativan a day to corral the symptoms. Armed with a prescription of Ativan with 30 refills (that was a mistake, 30 was the number of pills not the number of refills), I decided I did not like feeling this way and with hard work and determination, I stopped taking the pills. Yes, I had an emergency supply and decided those panic attacks were just a feeling and I could certainly rise above/change a feeling. It took awhile but gradually the attacks subsided. At one point my doctor thought I might have narcolepsy but thankfully I didn't.

    On a funnier note, I can sympathise with your tomato pie mishap. I had prepared two plates of spaghetti and meatballs for my husband and me. They were on the counter and as I took one in each hand and turned to set them on the table, the spaghetti and sauce slipped gracefully off one plate and onto the floor. We both looked at it in disbelief and then started to laugh. It was pretty bizarre.

    Hang on to that sweet doctor of yours. He's a keeper. Hugs, Elaine

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    1. I certainly do admire you for being able to stop taking the pills. I only take one every few weeks or so but I can see how I could become dependent. Luckily, my generalized anxiety is at a level that I can live with.
      Spaghetti will fly off a plate, won't it? It's happened to me before too.

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  3. I would never tell you to snap out of it, I know first hand exactly how it feels. I have to go see a new Dr. next month as my old reliable Dr. retired. Gail

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    1. Oh dear. That's not going to be easy. But maybe the new doctor will be like mine- open and able to listen and to hear you. I hope so with all of my heart.

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  4. Your doctor sounds like a rare gem. I have the same feelings about anything medical that you do and "Snap out of it" is not in my vocabulary. Sorry about the pie mishap but I'm glad it tasted good.Sweet dreams.

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    1. He IS a rare gem. I'm sorry you suffer from this anxiety too. It sucks.
      The pie was delicious despite its fall. I sure am glad of that.

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  5. NO, Snap out of it is not a phrase I would ever utter, or want to hear. I did hear it once from a dentist.......whom I never saw again after that. Dentists are MY
    true phobia.... much as your doctor visits. I understand. Can we clone your Doctor? He sounds like a gem! A keeper! Glad all was well. And your tomato pie......... sad, but glad it was rescued (sort of) and enjoyed. I did that with a huge pan of scalloped potatoes not long ago......and I felt sheepish and embarrased........but was able to rescue most of it too, and learned a lesson about using double layers of potholders! Hey- the 5 second rule of dropping on floor, right?
    hugs on you . ;-)
    Susan M

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    1. There are medical people who have no idea what some of us go through simply to force ourselves to go to them and they should SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'd love to clone my doctor and share him with everyone.
      The five second rule wouldn't work for my kitchen- there's ALWAYS too much sand on the floor unless I have just that moment mopped. You and I are probably both pretty lucky that we didn't get burned from the falling food. That would have literally added injury to insult.

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  6. I have a sweet and gentle doctor as well and yet I avoid going in to see her. I have no idea why I feel the way I do about it, but it's so hard to go to the freakin' doctors office. I too had to be held down for shots as a young child, but I felt powerful fighting the nurses and doctor back then! My brother did the same when it was his turn. We were like warriors!

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    1. That's so interesting that you felt powerful fighting off the doctors and nurses. I felt the opposite, I think. I still remember my terror.
      Ugh.
      Probably not the way to give a child an injection, right?

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  7. The anxiety you feel at the doctor's office is how I feel about dentists. Your doctor sounds like a great guy though!

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    1. I have it with the dentist, too, but it's not quite as severe.
      Why, why, WHY?

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  8. I think that tomato pie is so beautiful the never ending five second rule applied to the floor bit, too.

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    1. Except for the sand. One would not want to eat gritty tomato pie. The "germs" don't bother me though.

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  9. Your doctor sounds so wonderful that I would almost consider driving down to Florida once a year for my checkups! What a rare gem.

    Tomato pie.....just might be the answer to the problem of how to use the huge bag of ripe tomatoes my friend's grandma sent to me today! I need your recipe! :)

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    1. I swear- it would be worth the drive!
      I will put up a recipe. I promise.

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  10. Reading this I felt such anguish and relief for you.
    And not because of the tomato pie mishap.

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    1. Thank you, Sabine. I don't know what I'd do if I were in your shoes with the doctor situation. Perhaps I would have shed the irrational panic by now. Who knows?

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  11. I need a tomato pie recipe -- I used to make one with caramelized onions and Gruyere, though, so I could look for that one. And I'm glad you're done with the dear doctor, at least for a year. I went today as well, and I have to go back for the dreaded colonoscopy that I've been putting off for five years. Sigh.

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    1. Oh, Ms. Moon, I can relate and know exactly how you feel.

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    2. Ugh. The colonoscopy. It's really not bad except for the prep. The drugs they give you are good. But still- NO ONE WANTS ONE! I'm sorry. I think that your tomato pie recipe is probably good but I'll post about how I made this one. It is very, very simple and perhaps that is the secret to its deliciousness.

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    3. And Marie- I'm sorry you go through it too.

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  12. I would never tell anyone to snap out of it about anxieties. They just aren't rational. I am so glad you have a wonderful doctor that seems not only willing but capable of showing a side of himself that puts you somewhat at ease.

    I gasped at the tomato pie, I've done the same thing with the transferring into and out of the oven before and that millisecond that it's on it's way down is so troubling. I'm so glad you could not only salvage it but it was extra delicious. Maybe there was some bit of spice or magic on that oven door that added to the seasoning. :-)

    And, lunch out with loved ones after an anxious event followed by a good nap is the best curative there is.

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    1. Telling someone to snap out of it is never helpful, is it? At least not when it pertains to anxiety because there just isn't a whole lot of logic to it.
      Yes. The thing I cherish the most about this doctor is that he does indeed share things that go on in his life that allow me to perceive him as a fellow human being rather than just THE Doctor. You know? It helps so much.
      And yep- I hate that second when you know you've screwed the pooch and dropped the dinner on the floor. It's a good opportunity to use your favorite swear words though. (As if I need one.)

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  13. I know you can't snap out of it but I suspect hypnotherapy might be a really good option. I do think though, that your doctor is a mother fucking angel sent from heaven. I wish they were all like that.

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    1. Remember when I tried hypnotherapy? I'm still traumatized. I just didn't have the right therapist, I feel certain. I'd be willing to give it another go with someone else.
      Dr. Zorn is pretty much an angel to me.

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    2. God, I don't! I definitely think there is zero comparison between a good one and a bad one.

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  14. My anxiety leaps out of no where and slams me hard. It never just builds up slowly over time or days. No I am fine one minute and hysterical the next or finding myself in bed shaking like a leaf!
    I live in Austin Texas and they have taken me off of everything that worked for me. I watched my sister get hooked to pain medications when she was in her twenties and was severely injured in a work related accident.
    So I have been very mindful of any kind of pain meds. I decided to go thru pain management and they have really helped me so much.

    Ok... I am super curious... What is Tomato pie and would you kindly share the recipe?

    I love the pics of your grandchildren and I have a soft spot for all of mine and all children in general. I have 6 total. 4 boys and 2 girls. Ages 12-to- 18 months. The baby was a surprise. My daughter neglected to tell me about baby boy number 4 for about 6 months. So angry at her for that. Its a long story but I just don't understand her some time.

    Have a great evening. xx Beth

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  15. Hmmm...
    That's a little odd about your daughter and your grandson.
    I'm sorry that you have anxiety too. I think a large number of women get it as we age. I'm pretty sure there's some hormonal connection. Wouldn't surprise me. Hormones are powerful drugs.
    Tomato pie is just that- a pie with tomatoes as a filling. I'll post a recipe.

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  16. I'm so sorry about the tomato pie! What a drag. At least it was salvageable!

    Your doctor is a gem. And definitely a rarity in today's medical world. I'm glad you conquered your panic and saw the appointment through!

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  17. going to the doctor can make one feel so emotionally vulnerable, but you seem to have a winner there, a truly good doctor. i'm glad for you.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.