And so it goes and so it went and although I am vastly aware that strides were made yesterday and am most grateful for Democrats taking control of the House, it is still quite a blow to see my state fall once again to a Republican who has no one's interests at heart unless they are wealthy and white and have connections to other powerful Republicans. Who is in the pocket of god-knows-who and who is, as Gillum said, a man whom even racists call a racist.
Last night I was texting with a friend and I told her that I was so tired. So, so tired.
And I am.
And what is there to do with these feelings of such disappointment and frustration and anger and bewilderment?
I guess that all I can do is to continue to live my life in the best way I can. With love and with kindness, with awareness and with the aim to address whatever is in front of me in the most caring way possible.
I am not a demonstrator or a marcher. I simply am not. I never have been. I would no more run for an office than I would run a marathon. Given the choice between those two, I would start training for the marathon.
But I am so grateful for those whose hearts are in the right place who do run for office and this election has proven, if nothing else, that women can win elections, that out gay people can win elections, that people of color can win elections, that people who look different, sound different, dress differently can win elections.
I said last night that my hope was crammed deep in my pocket. I said a few days ago that if Gillum lost, I would lose all hope.
And last night I felt as if I had.
Today I am fighting that feeling because that's no way to live. It is the bedrock and hallmark of depression and although I do very much feel as if I am experiencing some sort of PTSD from 2016, I am going to try not to let myself fall into that deep and rocky and hard abyss again because goddammit! No one has the right to steal the joy I have in the love of my family, in the life that I am so fortunate to have.
So today I'm crying. I am. And that's okay. That's appropriate.
But I'm going to try and find that small nugget of hope I hid and unwrap it from its tiny tinfoil hat where I placed it for protection and I am going to wear it next to my heart.
I'm going to try.
You too? Okay?
Let's keep loving at the very least and keeping hope as best we can.
Here's to another day.
You march. You're just not calling it that. You write and share. You're fearless and open in calling out hypocrisy and inequality. You raise responsible, loving children and grandchildren. March on, cousin, and keep that hope alive in your circle and in your community. The world needs you to continue to keep it real.ReplyDelete
You put all of that so beautifully. As you said, we can only live our lives in the best way we can. I don't understand so many people and the way they vote, but I'm trying, because I think if anything holds the key to sanity it's understanding each others' perspectives. That doesn't mean excusing them, just understanding them. If that makes sense.ReplyDelete
I doubt having DeSantis will be any worse than having Rick Scott. So things may not be getting better, but on a day-to-day basis, I don't think they'll be worse, either. Time will tell!
(And that change to the felony voter law is going to make a world of difference in future elections like this one!)Delete
oh Mary. I know how you feel. Texas fell again in the big races but we did make some gains locally. and we won the House and some governorships (just not ours) and as Jim Wright says, we didn't get a unicorn, which was an unreasonable expectation but we did get a lot. a big giant step forward.ReplyDelete
also as I was telling myself last night while trying to sleep, it may stay the same but it won't get worse and we should be able to stop some of it.Delete
Everything Susue said! Dear Mary, you remind us all of the good in our midst, no matter what the election results say.ReplyDelete
McSally won a senate seat in AZ - she being the one who lied about her voting record. I am so unhappy about Beto and Gillum, I actually had hope. But at least they got the house back and that's a big deal.ReplyDelete
Your writing does more than my marching ever will. Your words soothe my aching heart. Thank you.ReplyDelete
Winning the House was a big win. Onward and upward....2020 is coming.ReplyDelete
As I sit hear trying to understand possible political changes in my provInce of British Columbia I am also trying to wrap my head around what’s happening in the U.S. We are having a referendum right now for Proportional Representation which if passed will be a wonderful thing. I went to a 2 1/2 seminar on it and was very confused but knew enough that this system works. Anyway, I am sad that a beautiful soul such as yourself has to live in a shit state. You can definitely be sad but you have to press on because those amazing grandchildren of yours will be the ones who will be the change makers. They are looking and learning from you. They will one day tell stories of their Mer Mer who always stood up for what is right and good. Who knows, make Magnolia will become president.ReplyDelete
I thank you and Ellen and others who remind me that there are good and loving people living in very red places. I have lived all over these United States (10 different states) and I know that it is true but I do need to be reminded. There is also hate and racism every where in America including in my rather blue state.ReplyDelete
It was such a heartbreak to see Gillum lose, to see Beto lose, but neither lost by much, and if Texas can go purple, so can Florida. I understand it's easier to feel positive when you live in California, like I do, but I honestly think the times are changing, the pendulum will swing and as long as people keep fighting -- in whatever way they wish to remain engaged -- we will move forward. I also know that sometimes things don't work out and we "lose." We don't lose though as long as we do the right thing, speak and tell truth, defend the vulnerable, etc.ReplyDelete
Ah Mary. Long ago I read When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron where she wrote so beautifully and deeply about hope and fear. I embroidered Abandon Hope and it hangs on my wall as a reminder that it's all about acceptance of what is and the groundlessness on which we all stand. "time spent hoping for happier days is time spent away from life" J. Ptacek. XXOOReplyDelete
I haven't laid eyes on my little stitchery in months. Thanks for reminding me.
You were in my mind so much last night. It was amazing for me to see Texas turn blue on a map even if it was for a short time. I agree, as Elizabeth said, that Texas can't be called a red state anymore. We're definitely purple even if we once again elected a state attorney general who's still under felony indictment. (facepalm) Last night before I went to bed I began gathering every positive link or story I could find and posted them in a thread on my page because I couldn't think about what I had lost but what the country had gained, and that helped. Starting with the Florida restoration of voting rights to convicted felons. I think this election cycle has really made think about what I can do to make a difference and it's going to be seeing what I can do about restoration of rights in states where that still isn't happening or voter ID laws or anything that is wrongfully preventing people who should be voting from casting their vote. That's a wide-reaching goal for sure so I'll be contacting local government friends and probably the League of Women Voters to see how I can get involved. It seems to me that unless the big issues are dealt with them we can block walk all we want and it won't matter as much. I am also glad to know you are in Florida. It's tough to be in a purple state and not feel like you are being seen or represented. It helps to meet people in similar situations and empathize.ReplyDelete
Keep being the mother grandmother loving partner that you are and wear a bit of Keith attitude - we live until we die. We know about rock but don't forget the roll...ReplyDelete
"pearls before the swine" comes to mind in this election , such a fabulous candidate/person. Pretty sure he will continue, just not this time.
Oh man. SO much this. I'm in Indiana, in one tiny little blue pocket south of Indy, and elections always remind me that my day-to-day life in my town is not like the rest of the state. I'm disappointed, frustrated, fighting despair, and yes, having some 2016 flashbacks. I really had a lot of hope for this election. I was all the way in for Beto and Gillum and Abrams and in my state, Liz Watson. I've been sighing a lot today. Glad for the House, yes, but sighing anyway.ReplyDelete
disillusioned reading results this morning......but I must try to remind (convince) myself that even small steps are big ones if one views the larger picture/future. I keep the hope tucked in my pocket as well. My Calif. did fairly well..... but country wide, I was a bit crestfallen. Beautifully written post, Ms Moon......... you so eloquently write what I feel.ReplyDelete